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  1. #1
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Default Compliments NOT to give your Enneagram type

    a few things that I would NOT want someone telling me as a 4 are:
    "you're so simple and done to earth"
    "you're just like your father"
    "you're such a team player"

    Given your Enneagram, motivations and fears, what are some compliments people have given you that made you want them to shut up?

  2. #2
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    "you're so responsible"
    "you are really hardworking"
    "you are very precise and punctual"

    they all sound like "OMG YOU'RE SO BORING"
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    to 3s
    "it doesnt matter you are uglier/less smart/etc. than she/he is, you are still cool in my book!" -
    we'll stick to the first part of that sentence and ignore the rest hahaha - sometimes

  4. #4
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    a few things that I would NOT want someone telling me as a 4 are:
    "you're so simple and done to earth"
    "you're just like your father"
    "you're such a team player"

    Given your Enneagram, motivations and fears, what are some compliments people have given you that made you want them to shut up?
    I dunno, I would feel that anyone who says no.1 doesn't understand me, but the other 2? Not a problem.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  5. #5
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Five Compliments not to Give a Type 4:

    1. "You deserve to have 'x'."
    Especially when the type 4 is coveting something that they don't have, and likely won't have. Saying that they deserve it will make them yearn even harder to achieve/obtain 'x'. Best to say that you understand how they feel about 'x' and show you sympathize with them, but don't kill or fuel their dreams. Better to suggest a creative outlet for them to achieve something that is related to 'x' and will be rewarding in the end.

    2. "You may be emotional, but I admire your passion."
    Don't ever tell a 4 that they are too emotional. It makes them feel that their emotionality is a defect, and they will get depressed afterwards.

    3. "You look just like <insert celebrity name here>."
    If it's a celebrity that they admire, then they will like it initially, but ultimately, it will end up becoming a compare-contrast moment between traits that the celebrity has that the type 4 has, and the traits the celebrity has, that the type 4 doesn't have... and they will end up focusing more on the traits they don't have. Just tell the type 4 they look handsome or beautiful.

    4. "This piece of artwork is very good." or "This piece of artwork is not too bad."
    The word "good", or "not too bad", denotes higher than mediocrity, B work, and type 4s will think that B work is commonplace.

    5. "You're pleasantly unusual."
    Type 4's don't need to be told they are unusual, they already feel that way. It's like casting them into the Island of Misfit Toys. Just say that you love how unique they are.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  6. #6
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    What you shouldn't tell a 1:

    "You didn't screw up once!" - This is nearly passive-aggressive stuff where if someone does remember this line from "American Beauty" then there may be some salvaging of the remark but generally this could be seen as the quasi-insult to some degree.

    "You are horrible!" - This can be intended as a compliment but rarely would it be successfully pulled off as one has to imagine situations where horrible would be a good thing which would be like being so good at being bad that people love to hate you.

    There are other messages that are similar but there is usually a paradox to the remark as compliments are supposed to be a good thing usually, right?

  7. #7
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    a few things that I would NOT want someone telling me as a 4 are:
    "you're so simple and done to earth"
    "you're just like your father"
    "you're such a team player"

    Given your Enneagram, motivations and fears, what are some compliments people have given you that made you want them to shut up?
    I'm a 4, and the only one of these that really offends me is being considered simple by someone else. Though, sometimes I consider myself to be simple and complicated at the same time... for someone else to make this remark is a different story. It's like hearing you're boring. However, being down to earth isn't a bad compliment to me. I can think "elitist" at times, but I've strived towards honesty with myself and with how I interact in the world... so to me this is a good compliment... "being real."

    I've also faced the fact that I'm very much a product of my parents. But I've come to terms with it.

    And as of recently and the problems I've had at work, I've also come to value being more of a team player in the work atmosphere.


    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    Five Compliments not to Give a Type 4:

    1. "You deserve to have 'x'."
    Especially when the type 4 is coveting something that they don't have, and likely won't have. Saying that they deserve it will make them yearn even harder to achieve/obtain 'x'. Best to say that you understand how they feel about 'x' and show you sympathize with them, but don't kill or fuel their dreams. Better to suggest a creative outlet for them to achieve something that is related to 'x' and will be rewarding in the end.

    2. "You may be emotional, but I admire your passion."
    Don't ever tell a 4 that they are too emotional. It makes them feel that their emotionality is a defect, and they will get depressed afterwards.

    3. "You look just like <insert celebrity name here>."
    If it's a celebrity that they admire, then they will like it initially, but ultimately, it will end up becoming a compare-contrast moment between traits that the celebrity has that the type 4 has, and the traits the celebrity has, that the type 4 doesn't have... and they will end up focusing more on the traits they don't have. Just tell the type 4 they look handsome or beautiful.

    4. "This piece of artwork is very good." or "This piece of artwork is not too bad."
    The word "good", or "not too bad", denotes higher than mediocrity, B work, and type 4s will think that B work is commonplace.

    5. "You're pleasantly unusual."
    Type 4's don't need to be told they are unusual, they already feel that way. It's like casting them into the Island of Misfit Toys. Just say that you love how unique they are.
    Agreed with many of these.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  8. #8
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Compliments not to give a type 5:

    You're so emotionally sensitive and sentimental. (We tend to value detachment more and de-emphasize the sentimentality)

    You're so smart! (We know we're smart. That compliment is just too generic and generalized)

    You're a real team player! (It goes against our normal type 5 agenda. We can be excellent team players when the situation demands it but we normally prefer to be independent. We'd rather get compliments pertaining to the things we value in life)
    INtp
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    Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
    Neutral Good
    LII-Ne




  9. #9
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    8

    "Don't worry, everyone has weaknesses." -- This just sounds like giving up, or saying that I'm incapable of doing something myself to standard.

    I'm sure there are a slew of others I'll think of later, but this is the immediate one that comes to my head.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  10. #10
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    "you're so responsible"
    "you are really hardworking"
    "you are very precise and punctual"

    they all sound like "OMG YOU'RE SO BORING"
    Ditto.

    Also: You're so neat - you're so organized (AKA - You're so ordinary and boring!)


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