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  1. #21
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    "People pick on you just because you're "[djarendee]", but I think you're the strongest one here."

    Made me feel like a complete loser when she said that.

    also

    "You're really smart!"

    Usually their revelatory tone and circumstances imply they thought I wasn't.

  2. #22
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    "You're so sweet!" How is this even possible?
    "you're too nice" WTF? It implies that my being nice is undesirable. A "thank you" would suffice.
    "You're so brave/courageous" - it's not about being brave. That requires fear, and I'm simply not afraid. What's to be afraid of? :P The only time this compliment is received well is when I venture into emotionally vulnerable territory that scares the shit out of me. Then, the recognition of this is well-received.
    "I could never have said that, wow!" Kind of makes me disrespect someone, especially if what I said was necessary for the protection of others or exposure of a falsehood.
    "I could never do that!" Umm, actually, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. Really.

    I also really, really detest over-praise or unnecessary flattery.

  3. #23
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artemistry View Post
    "You're so sweet!" How is this even possible?
    "you're too nice" WTF? It implies that my being nice is undesirable. A "thank you" would suffice.
    "You're so brave/courageous" - it's not about being brave. That requires fear, and I'm simply not afraid. What's to be afraid of? :P The only time this compliment is received well is when I venture into emotionally vulnerable territory that scares the shit out of me. Then, the recognition of this is well-received.
    "I could never have said that, wow!" Kind of makes me disrespect someone, especially if what I said was necessary for the protection of others or exposure of a falsehood.
    "I could never do that!" Umm, actually, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. Really.

    I also really, really detest over-praise or unnecessary flattery.
    sorry, totally OTT, but how can you be an INFP enneagram8...is that even possible? mind overblown

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    sorry, totally OTT, but how can you be an INFP enneagram8...is that even possible? mind overblown
    Possibly a Te grip. On one particularly-long Te odyssey I scored type 8.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artemistry View Post
    "You're so sweet!" How is this even possible?
    "you're too nice" WTF? It implies that my being nice is undesirable. A "thank you" would suffice.
    "You're so brave/courageous" - it's not about being brave. That requires fear, and I'm simply not afraid. What's to be afraid of? :P The only time this compliment is received well is when I venture into emotionally vulnerable territory that scares the shit out of me. Then, the recognition of this is well-received.
    "I could never have said that, wow!" Kind of makes me disrespect someone, especially if what I said was necessary for the protection of others or exposure of a falsehood.
    "I could never do that!" Umm, actually, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. Really.

    I also really, really detest over-praise or unnecessary flattery.
    yes! INFJ 8!

    *high five*

    I've actually had people give me similar compliments that were rubbish.

    "you're too innocent" and "You're too nice" don't really make sense to me, but I've heard them said to me.

  6. #26
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    i don't like any generic compliment that could be applied to anyone, a true compliment has to be specially tailored towards me. so anything standard or generic is bad for a 4.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    sorry, totally OTT, but how can you be an INFP enneagram8...is that even possible? mind overblown
    Well, it is possible because I exist. :P Why do you think it can't exist?

    There are other forum threads on the topic, if you'd like to weigh in there. Apparently, I'm a rare jewel.

  8. #28
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artemistry View Post
    Well, it is possible because I exist. :P Why do you think it can't exist?

    There are other forum threads on the topic, if you'd like to weigh in there. Apparently, I'm a rare jewel.
    can you please redirect me there? it's not impossible, i had just never really considered it. so i'm interested i normally associate type 8 with Te, and I cant see how a dominant Fi would combine with an assertive 8. thus i'm interested

  9. #29
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    Five Compliments not to Give a Type 4:

    1. "You deserve to have 'x'."
    Especially when the type 4 is coveting something that they don't have, and likely won't have. Saying that they deserve it will make them yearn even harder to achieve/obtain 'x'. Best to say that you understand how they feel about 'x' and show you sympathize with them, but don't kill or fuel their dreams. Better to suggest a creative outlet for them to achieve something that is related to 'x' and will be rewarding in the end.

    2. "You may be emotional, but I admire your passion."
    Don't ever tell a 4 that they are too emotional. It makes them feel that their emotionality is a defect, and they will get depressed afterwards.

    3. "You look just like <insert celebrity name here>."
    If it's a celebrity that they admire, then they will like it initially, but ultimately, it will end up becoming a compare-contrast moment between traits that the celebrity has that the type 4 has, and the traits the celebrity has, that the type 4 doesn't have... and they will end up focusing more on the traits they don't have. Just tell the type 4 they look handsome or beautiful.

    4. "This piece of artwork is very good." or "This piece of artwork is not too bad."
    The word "good", or "not too bad", denotes higher than mediocrity, B work, and type 4s will think that B work is commonplace.

    5. "You're pleasantly unusual."
    Type 4's don't need to be told they are unusual, they already feel that way. It's like casting them into the Island of Misfit Toys. Just say that you love how unique they are.
    I'm most likely a 6, and number one is a definite no-no; the related reasoning and suggestions also hold true, at least in my case.
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

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  10. #30
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    I don't mind having my style complimented, except when people treat it like it's my identity. "Oh, I love your dress!" and then proceed to treat me like a delicate flower. NO.

    I agree that I very much dislike the "you look just like (or remind me of) {insert celebrity name}". I don't like this because often I don't know who they are talking about, in addition to the insinuation that I've modeled myself after some famous person.

    Agreed with @chana about the generic compliment thing too.

    All that being said, I try to not get my back up at any of these because they are usually said with good intentions. I just may respond awkwardly.
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