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  1. #1
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    Default Type+ variant stacking and relationship issues.

    What kind of -relationship- issues do you have connected with your type and it's links to the instinctual variants? what common complaints do people have about you?


    For me;
    I'm fairly sure i'm an sp/sx 6.
    I don't have problems with romantic relationships most of all, I have problems with platonic friendships. I end friendships often before they begin because I know i'm going to get little out of it, so I don't bother. People end up getting so frustrated at me, "I just want to be friends!". With me, I don't need stray friends i'm not really into. I don't keep up with acquaintances at all, especially if they want to hang out more. I separate friends as people I like, and those I don't particularly like, as acquaintances by the way.

    I end relationships when I suspect someone is into me more than i'm into them. Or if I think they like me in a 'more than a friend' way. Sometimes I think i'm projecting and being a bitch, but honestly, friend zoning people has lead to them passive aggressively hating me anyway, so we may as well end it there anyway.
    I don't have many relationships with men, because I really can't deal with the attention that could be misconstrued by me, as anything more than platonic. Sometimes it's me projecting, but every guy (and there are only a few) i've gotten to know, has wanted more from me. usually i'm warm and friendly, but around guys I have to be rigid and not give any signals in any way, that I might like them as more than a friend. It means I can't really be myself. I really only want attention from a SO not anyone else. I realise this is my problem, not theirs, which is why I deal with it.

    I'm very future focused, and health focused. If I can tell someone is going to be draining, parasitic or a handful, I don't bother with them from the beginning. I really want the relationship to be healthy, so I don't bother with relationships if I'm not healthy either.

    I guess many people would say i'm very withdrawn and hard to access. It's for a good reason. I simply can't keep up with someone i'm not interested in. I don't want to feign friendly. Especially if their clingy, that's a sure way to put an end to the connection right away. I don't expect people to change.
    I think people would say I am quite self bound and not very open. I have to be safe before we get to that stage.

  2. #2
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    7w8 sp/so

    I have more troubles with romantic relationships than friendships, I tend to want to put everyone in the friendships category, even lovers, so I can keep them at a distance. The idea of "merging" with someone scares the bejezus out of me! Seeing others who desire that kind of relationship intrigues me and I wonder what it's like but when it comes down to it anyone who attempts to get too close to me too quickly is shoved away quite harshly. I would rather be alone than open up to someone too quickly in a relationship.

    My sevenness is shown in wanting to keep relationships light and fun, doing things together is friendship for me, activities and events. Not sitting down and delving into my personal details, that's reserved for a very select few, not uncommon for many people I expect but quite common for ENTPs. Others may think we're close friends but we're likely not.

    I see people in 3 different categories, new acquaintances, existing acquaintances (socially I would call them friends cause dats just Fe polite) and close friends. I only really desire two of them, I adore meeting new people, I love getting to know people and I enjoy meeting someone who could eventually move into close friend category but by and large they move into the existing acquaintances group and I lose interest in having anything besides a surface convenient-for-me relationship, they're the people I'll go out and do things with in a light-hearted fun kinda way. I see no need in 'ending' any friendship though, romantic relationships yes, friendships no. Close friends covers family, my partner and a select few.

    I expect they see me as friendly yet difficult to read, I'll happily chat to anyone about anything and I'm open in what I tell them but I'm guarded in the way I say it.

  3. #3
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    another SP/SO 7 here

    as I once said before, I like my friends, therefore, I run away from them

    I am friendly and sociable, but I keep people at a distance... I've shared more on the board here than I do with all but my very closest friend in real life- I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable around others- I keep things light and fun- I feel more comfortable that way

    In romantic relationships it takes a lot to get me actually past the "fun fling" stage... it's where I usually get stuck because I've tended tto have some issues with trusting people intimately... I got burned once, I never intend to be again- it hurt, it fucked me up, I never want to have that happen again- it took me a LONG time to actually consider my SO to be my boyfriend in the first place because I didn't want to shut my back door- not committing totally meant that I wouldn't be hurt like that again. Lightness is a defense in a way, and I just don't feel COMFORTABLE being that open with some things
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    my back door
    I want to laugh, but the rest of the post was so heartfelt!

  5. #5
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    *snigger*

  6. #6
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I'm INFP, 4w3 and SP/SX and I tend to avoid people as well. I mean, I'm friendly and all, but I choose my friends VERY carefully. This is due to self preservation combined with being 4w3. 4w3s do not except anything that isn't premium quality and that includes people. Further combine this with being INFP and you have someone who can basically see into people's souls and within minutes screen out 90% of people in a setting as unfit friend material. I don't want to be someone's friend unless I can bond strongly with them and speak to them about the more important things in life (my best friend and I routinely talk for 5+ hours. he's INTJ, 8w7 and SP/SX).
    Again combine these traits and it's easy to see how being in a group can pose problems. I have absolutely no concept of group unity and they idea of fitting in absolutely disgusts me. I can see N types in general having this problem (especially IN types) because we view people as individuals and only that. I make decisions based on effectiveness, ethics, amount of effort, and what I want to do and complying with a group or authority just isn't included in those. people often get annoyed with me or think I'm a snob, so I just let them believe it (it's kinda true anyway hahaha)

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    7w8 sp/so

    I have more troubles with romantic relationships than friendships, I tend to want to put everyone in the friendships category, even lovers, so I can keep them at a distance. The idea of "merging" with someone scares the bejezus out of me! Seeing others who desire that kind of relationship intrigues me and I wonder what it's like but when it comes down to it anyone who attempts to get too close to me too quickly is shoved away quite harshly. I would rather be alone than open up to someone too quickly in a relationship.

    My sevenness is shown in wanting to keep relationships light and fun, doing things together is friendship for me, activities and events. Not sitting down and delving into my personal details, that's reserved for a very select few, not uncommon for many people I expect but quite common for ENTPs. Others may think we're close friends but we're likely not.

    I see people in 3 different categories, new acquaintances, existing acquaintances (socially I would call them friends cause dats just Fe polite) and close friends. I only really desire two of them, I adore meeting new people, I love getting to know people and I enjoy meeting someone who could eventually move into close friend category but by and large they move into the existing acquaintances group and I lose interest in having anything besides a surface convenient-for-me relationship, they're the people I'll go out and do things with in a light-hearted fun kinda way. I see no need in 'ending' any friendship though, romantic relationships yes, friendships no. Close friends covers family, my partner and a select few.

    I expect they see me as friendly yet difficult to read, I'll happily chat to anyone about anything and I'm open in what I tell them but I'm guarded in the way I say it.
    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    another SP/SO 7 here

    as I once said before, I like my friends, therefore, I run away from them

    I am friendly and sociable, but I keep people at a distance... I've shared more on the board here than I do with all but my very closest friend in real life- I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable around others- I keep things light and fun- I feel more comfortable that way

    In romantic relationships it takes a lot to get me actually past the "fun fling" stage... it's where I usually get stuck because I've tended tto have some issues with trusting people intimately... I got burned once, I never intend to be again- it hurt, it fucked me up, I never want to have that happen again- it took me a LONG time to actually consider my SO to be my boyfriend in the first place because I didn't want to shut my back door- not committing totally meant that I wouldn't be hurt like that again. Lightness is a defense in a way, and I just don't feel COMFORTABLE being that open with some things
    Wow, these both were really illuminating responses actually. Thank you a lot. Actually, the 'fun/light' phase is something i'm having trouble with another person about. I naturally take a more serious approach, whereas he seems to enjoy the company of a so-first girl, where it's very light and breezy connection. I think eurgh, how superficial, whereas it's right for them.

    I wish I had more of a casual, non neurotic view of relationships sometimes :\ people must wonder why I have to complicate things all the time. I just can't go with the flow though.. I'm more uptight in regards to relationships.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I'm INFP, 4w3 and SP/SX and I tend to avoid people as well. I mean, I'm friendly and all, but I choose my friends VERY carefully. This is due to self preservation combined with being 4w3. 4w3s do not except anything that isn't premium quality and that includes people. Further combine this with being INFP and you have someone who can basically see into people's souls and within minutes screen out 90% of people in a setting as unfit friend material. I don't want to be someone's friend unless I can bond strongly with them and speak to them about the more important things in life (my best friend and I routinely talk for 5+ hours. he's INTJ, 8w7 and SP/SX).
    Again combine these traits and it's easy to see how being in a group can pose problems. I have absolutely no concept of group unity and they idea of fitting in absolutely disgusts me. I can see N types in general having this problem (especially IN types) because we view people as individuals and only that. I make decisions based on effectiveness, ethics, amount of effort, and what I want to do and complying with a group or authority just isn't included in those. people often get annoyed with me or think I'm a snob, so I just let them believe it (it's kinda true anyway hahaha)
    I have the 6 thing of fitting in, but I don't care for most people. I'm just me, I don't want a position or place. I've gotten the snob thing many times. I suppose i'm a little different here, but I seem like a snob because i'm indifferent, not because I think i'm better. I'm on the lookout for people who give me the right energy, little else. I like being a part of something, but I never feel secure being a part of a group. I sense it's fake and going to collapse any moment under the weight of the social niceties and lies people have to commit to maintain social harmony.

    I'm glad you have someone to talk to! I find it's difficult to find people who have the same neurotic desires for relationships I do :\

    Another problem is, I tend to desire to put all my eggs in one basket. I can't put spread myself amongst a bunch of people, I would rather channel my energy and receive energy, from one person at a time.

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