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  1. #1
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    Question sx - intensity only from specific people?

    I am most likely have sp/sx tendencies.

    My question to first or second, sx's is do you like to be in control of the intensity thrust your way, or who you find intensity within?

    I actually feel ashamed at how many opportunities I have to "become closer" to people, but I only pursue it when I really really really like them. If I don't, I kind of ignore their attention (in the unconscious attempt to dampen the unwanted attention). This might be partly a four issue, but I only desire to become close to people I really like. I don't like to admit I have high standards, but I do. And I only open myself to a person who I really trust first of all, and really truly like and respect as a person. A number of other things like energy and intensity come into play (obviously a sx thing).
    But ultimately I will not pursue for the sake of intensity, I will not reciprocate or even really get involved (I will remain distant) if I don't like the source of intensity. I will subtly shut them down or remain kind of detached (I feel horrible that I am like this even with friends). The source of intensity is always key. And I have to control the flow of intensity. I don't like it being directed at me when I can't channel it back because I don't like them.

    If I like a person in this way, it will be me who makes the first moves, and me who does the "pursuing". If I don't pursue, generally I don't like them enough to want to open up. Even though it would be my dream to be kind of out of control and to be pursued (I would still give subtle encouragments, "come hithers" and greenlights). But I tend to not work like that, because the people I like are generally the ones who need a little pushing (I also need pushing, but my desire to get to know them breaks through that).

    I've only gone through this experience of liking a person enough to pursue them once (there was another person, but I withdrew too early).

    I will be friendly and cordial to just about everyone. But when I come across someone I actually like, I take down my boundaries between them and me. I never realised the boundaries were up, but now I see that they are there. And someones gotta be pretty damn special for me to meet them half way.

    I'm on my way to working through this tendency, just wanted to see if anyone could relate. I can see that it's fairly sp/sx (and a touch of avoidant personality).

    Additionally, I can only give this depth of openness to (from my experience) one person at a time.

  2. #2
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    sx/so here and I very much like to be in control of the amount/sources of intensity in my life. What you've said here resonates with me.
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  3. #3
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    sx/so - i like being in control. this extends to most aspects of my life.
    the sort of vices i indulge in. the way i work. the way i live.
    i'm very, very selective who i become close to.
    most of the time people feel they are close to me,
    even though i don't feel close to them at all.

    younger i used to seek for intensity. i'd actively go and find it.
    because it's fun for me. now i don't seek for it, but it still finds me.

    like you, if it's not the sort of intensity i like,
    i just shut it down. completely. and it remains shut.
    i don't get pansy and back down when i already made my
    decision. this is probably the only time where i don't
    change my mind.

    closed is closed. what's next?
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  4. #4
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    hmm, I suppose I do, but I hadn't recognized it before.
    If I find someone "icky" I don't want to be in close mental contact, although I will occasionally go there for amusements sake.

    There have been a few times where I found someone to be really interesting that I wanted to get to know, and found no way in. I'm not one to force things but I always felt a little regret that I couldn't find a way to access some people. Shrug.
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  5. #5
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I completely relate to everything the OP said and I'm sx last...
    INtp
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
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  6. #6
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    I'm having a hard time imagining someone not being that way.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    I'm having a hard time imagining someone not being that way.
    So you think most people shut out the majority of people they come across (even shutting out friends) and preferring to only give and receive intensity to and from people who meet their high standards?

    I thought I was just a picky bitch, but i guess if it's commonly experienced... it's not so bad?

    edit: my high standards include male friends I like enough -to date- and female friends who I could see myself being friends with for a long time :steam:

  8. #8
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopelandic View Post
    I am most likely have sp/sx tendencies.

    My question to first or second, sx's is do you like to be in control of the intensity thrust your way, or who you find intensity within?

    I actually feel ashamed at how many opportunities I have to "become closer" to people, but I only pursue it when I really really really like them. If I don't, I kind of ignore their attention (in the unconscious attempt to dampen the unwanted attention). This might be partly a four issue, but I only desire to become close to people I really like. I don't like to admit I have high standards, but I do. And I only open myself to a person who I really trust first of all, and really truly like and respect as a person. A number of other things like energy and intensity come into play (obviously a sx thing).
    But ultimately I will not pursue for the sake of intensity, I will not reciprocate or even really get involved (I will remain distant) if I don't like the source of intensity. I will subtly shut them down or remain kind of detached (I feel horrible that I am like this even with friends). The source of intensity is always key. And I have to control the flow of intensity. I don't like it being directed at me when I can't channel it back because I don't like them.

    If I like a person in this way, it will be me who makes the first moves, and me who does the "pursuing". If I don't pursue, generally I don't like them enough to want to open up. Even though it would be my dream to be kind of out of control and to be pursued (I would still give subtle encouragments, "come hithers" and greenlights). But I tend to not work like that, because the people I like are generally the ones who need a little pushing (I also need pushing, but my desire to get to know them breaks through that).

    I've only gone through this experience of liking a person enough to pursue them once (there was another person, but I withdrew too early).

    I will be friendly and cordial to just about everyone. But when I come across someone I actually like, I take down my boundaries between them and me. I never realised the boundaries were up, but now I see that they are there. And someones gotta be pretty damn special for me to meet them half way.

    I'm on my way to working through this tendency, just wanted to see if anyone could relate. I can see that it's fairly sp/sx (and a touch of avoidant personality).

    Additionally, I can only give this depth of openness to (from my experience) one person at a time.
    I'm sx/sp and I relate to all of this although I don't think I could have put it into words. Good job.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopelandic View Post
    So you think most people shut out the majority of people they come across (even shutting out friends) and preferring to only give and receive intensity to and from people who meet their high standards?

    I thought I was just a picky bitch, but i guess if it's commonly experienced... it's not so bad?

    edit: my high standards include male friends I like enough -to date- and female friends who I could see myself being friends with for a long time :steam:
    um..perhaps i'm simplifying it but i read it as i'm only interested in becoming close with people that i really like.

    and...i just can't imagine anyone investing themselves fully in their casual encounters...i don't know anyone who does that.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #10
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    I'm sx/sp and I agree with almost all of it...I wouldn't go as far as to say that if I'm not the pursurer I don't like them enough to open up. Some people can pursue me and get through to me. It depends on the person though, and usually they have to impress me with how smart/funny/interesting/creative/witty or sexy they are. Sometimes people who argue with me get through to me, even. Depends.

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