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  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Default The Parent, The Child, And Enneagram

    Does parent/child interaction combined with inborn tendencies result in a particular enneagram? See following link.

    Personality Types - Enneagram and Myers Briggs

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  2. #2
    Senior Member InTheFlesh's Avatar
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    I've thought a lot about this, and it makes sense.
    It seems to me that the parent's approach to life and parenthood have a huge effect on the child's type, I've even seen it in my own family.

    For example; my aunt is an Enneagram type 8. She tends to be stuck in her ways as well as a very demanding parent, if either of her two daughters do something she sees as wrong, no matter what it is, she will immediately become very harsh in demeanor and withdraw any type of affection she had given to her daughters, until either of them fix it or go through some type of retribution.
    I see two logical paths for the children to take out of this situation, to either be a 3 or an 8 and it just so happens that these are the types of her daughters.

    The three is so scared of having the affection or love withdrawn that she just lives by her mother's code, only doing what she would think as right so she could stay on her "Good side". She is so completely scared of losing her mother's love that she has somewhat lost her own personality in trying to become what her mother wants.

    Her other daughter, an Ennergram eight, saw her mother rule with the iron fist, she saw it gained her respect from others be it because of intimidation or otherwise, and then made a subconscious decision to act that way so she could have that same group-wide respect that her mother had.

    If that seemed really jumbled, sorry, it's getting late.
    I'll elaborate on these cycles more when my head's in a better place.

  3. #3
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Fraheeky.

    I looked at me and my mum first and placed myself as an Active child with a Responsive parent, that combination = E7. True for me.

    I don't see how this could work with my siblings though. I know my mother likely changed her parenting style with more children in the house but I would still see her as primarily responsive with all of us meaning my siblings would be type 7 if they were active, type 6 if they were responsive and type 5 if they were neutral. My 'active' brother is the poster child for E8, my 'responsive' sister is an... actually I haven't figured that out yet and my other sister is an E4.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Very interesting and probably very accurate in my case. My ENFJ mom is active for sure.

    Active child vs. Active parent
    This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 8.

    The child and parent experience open conflicts on a regular basis. They both have different agendas and oppose each other, thus giving rise to power struggles and explosive arguments. The Active parent is impatient and intolerant of the child's rebellious nature and tries to impose his will in an authoritarian fashion. The Active child, on the other hand, becomes aggressive, argumentative and persistent in getting his own way. The relationship becomes a sort of battlefield, which is how the child will later perceive the world around him (type 8).

    Such a childhood scenario encourages the child to develop a keen eye for spotting other people's weaknesses and a thirst for imposing their will in an overly aggressive fashion. They learn to be assertive, strong and deny their fears and feelings of intimidation. These are the traits they needed to have in order to stand up to their domineering parents and still keep their own Active inborn approach.


    I can see how I could have turned out a full-blown 7 if my mom was more responsive, but if one can be 100% active, that's her. Well...and me

    So according to this, my kids will either be 8s, 9s or 1s.....poor hypothetical kids

  5. #5
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    So according to this, my kids will either be 8s, 9s or 1s.....poor hypothetical kids
    Not necessarily, depends on your parenting style, at the beginning of the blog it says any enneagram can be active/responsive/neutral as a parent.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    Not necessarily, depends on your parenting style, at the beginning of the blog it says any enneagram can be active/responsive/neutral as a parent.
    Well how can an 8 be anything BUT active?!

    Shit, there was a time where I thought I could be a good dad...nowadays I kinda don't want to have kids. Can't imagine not wanting the best for them and having a very well defined idea of what that is. If I kept it in check though (bossiness wouldn't be my style anyway) the only other alternative would be neutrality because I wouldn't be able to support decisions I didn't agree with (since I'm so opinionated). Neutrality just sounds wrong though.

  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    whoa....yeah definitely.
    Active child vs. Responsive parent
    This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 7

    The demands and concerns of the Active child are usually received with benevolence and a supportive, encouraging attitude. This creates a tolerant environment in which the child can express himself openly and receive attention without much effort from his part. The Active child becomes self-confident, carefree and expects his interactions to be positive and favorable to his needs. The Responsive parent is sympathetic and loving, thus stimulating the child's playful, self-expressive side and giving him a good deal of personal freedom.

    This childhood scenario promotes a cheerful, optimistic type who knows how to charm and manipulate others into easily getting his way. Entertaining and expressive, such a child may later expect instant gratification for all his needs and desires and avoid investing time and effort into long-term goals.


    ohhh...and i could see how this influenced the wing too...interesting.

    Responsive child vs. Responsive parent
    This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 6

    This child will usually establish a very close relationship with his caretaker and will tend to become dependent on the nurturing, affectionate figure that offers him support and understanding. A strong desire for harmonious relationships is created and the Responsive child will reject and feel threatened by conflicts and lack of stability. Such types will seek playmates and groups that share their values and interests and will take an 'us against the world' stance, typically towards unfamiliar people and circumstances.

    These Responsive children will prefer to play by the rules in order to keep themselves safe from any disharmony that will endanger their comforting, supportive relationships. They will be playful, endearing and loyal to their chosen groups and intimates, while at the same time remaining alert and vigilant to avoid any conflicts and hidden threats. Suspicion of other people's motives can arise as a protection from abandonment and rejection - they are in fact very afraid of losing their safe, nurturing grounds.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    It's certainly true for me - that is, if I pick my mom. Active + Active = 8.

    My dad would have either been responsive or neutral so I don't know how he fits in. He worked a lot and was on the night shift for years so we didn't see him so much.

    Active: demanding, assertive, bossy, outspoken, intimidating, egocentric, expressive, willful.

    Responsive: supportive, responsive, engaging, affectionate, friendly, sympathetic, cooperative.

    Neutral: avoidant, withdrawn, indifferent, apathetic, absent, reserved, ignoring, neglectful.

    Active child vs. Active parent
    This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 8.

    The child and parent experience open conflicts on a regular basis. They both have different agendas and oppose each other, thus giving rise to power struggles and explosive arguments. The Active parent is impatient and intolerant of the child's rebellious nature and tries to impose his will in an authoritarian fashion. The Active child, on the other hand, becomes aggressive, argumentative and persistent in getting his own way. The relationship becomes a sort of battlefield, which is how the child will later perceive the world around him (type 8).

    Such a childhood scenario encourages the child to develop a keen eye for spotting other people's weaknesses and a thirst for imposing their will in an overly aggressive fashion. They learn to be assertive, strong and deny their fears and feelings of intimidation. These are the traits they needed to have in order to stand up to their domineering parents and still keep their own Active inborn approach.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  9. #9
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    True for me.

    Neutral child vs. Responsive parent
    This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 5

    In this relationship, the Responsive parent is inclined to give a lot of unrequested attention to the Neutral child, who perceives his parent's supportive and affectionate attitude as a form of smothering. The youngster will tend to withdraw from his environment, preferring solitary activities and contemplation, but as opposed to the previous scenario (of type 9), loneliness will not be accompanied by a feeling of rejection. At the contrary, being alone is a matter of choice and it gives a feeling of security and well-being, knowing that there is always someone to communicate with when they decide to seek out company.

    Such children are genuine loners, who prefer and enjoy their solitude. They are introspective, insightful and love learning and discovering things on their own, usually rejecting any help or intervention from the outside. They are afraid of being intruded upon because their parents used to make a fuss over them and suffocate them with attention and demands for closeness.

  10. #10
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I am a neutral child with a responsive mom (type 6w7) and a neutral dad (9w8). My mom tended to be the dominant parent, so maybe that's why I became a type 5 rather than a type 3.
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