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  1. #61
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    ^ That's an interesting example. I tend to be ok giving out personal 'factoids' about myself (I mentioned offhand on a first date a while ago that I had some social anxiety issues growing up and that probably it was still a factor even today, to a degree), but I've written elsewhere that I'm not one who tends to want to explore much deeper. I'll throw it out there but am not wanting to delve into my psychae to 'explore' that element, or discuss, really, esp. with people I've just met. So that's probably a difference right there . But, like you, I don't really view some of these factual things as terribly personal.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  2. #62
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    I'm trying to think what a Level 3 or 4 might be for PeaceBaby's sake, but I probably wouldn't put those things up on the net anyways. But, I have a new group of friends that were asking me a lot of questions recently - they were genuinely interested in my past and in getting to know me, and I really liked the fact that they were interested. So, I took the opportunity and gave them some really deep stuff. I put it out there. If I had to guess I'd say that half of them got the answers they wanted, and the other half probably thought I got too personal or like I hear people say all the time, "I never would have said that kind of stuff around people." LOL. It is what it is. If you're interested, I'll tell you.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


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  3. #63
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    ^ thank you INTPness for sharing.

    As I also expressed in my PM response, I guess for me the crux of the matter is that I don't see that what you are doing is testing to see if I will share back. That you are sending me an invitation of sorts.

    I hear you say your thoughts, and feel special you shared them, and sense you are waiting for something in return, but not sure what you want beyond my actively listening and empathizing, so I interpret it as wanting attention or more energy from me, and this tends to turn me away.

    I would share, if I understood that's what was offered. A reciprocal ear of sorts. There's not much, at this point, I wouldn't blab away telling you.

    Maybe too I've been conditioned to listen far more than I speak. It's not "polite" to share too much after all ... no one seems to want to hear about other people's problems or issues or esoteric interests.

    -----

    Another question:

    How much sharing is TOO MUCH for an SX? Or is there such a thing?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  4. #64
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Another question:

    How much sharing is TOO MUCH for an SX? Or is there such a thing?
    For the less developed, nothing; for the more developed, it varies with audience. Even the more developed one though would love to share more if the desire were there. Which ever instinct comes second and how intense that one is may also dictate limits based on circles of intimacy.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  5. #65
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    You know what else is scary - if you ask me questions, I will tell the truth to you. So if your intentions are impure, I could get myself in emotional turmoil over sharing with you!

    Gah it's all so complicated ...
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  6. #66
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Plus, what does the so/sx and so/sp relationship look like?
    In my experience with So/Sp's, our relationship is the least dramatic, and the easiest of them all. Neither of us gets offended when someone wants to spend more time with the public, because we both believe there's more going on than just "us". When I've explore most of the intimacy topics with them, I enjoy group dates/meetings --- the more the merrier (IMO, only. ) That way, we won't be recycling the same emotions over and over again. Hearing perspectives outside our world can really add to intimacy, and new social experiences means discovering a part of ourselves we haven't recognized before.

    The only issue I encounter with this group is that I often act as the sole SX initiator in the duo. Since it's my secondary variant, I'm not sure if that's enough for the both of us! Staying connected is probably our main challenge.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    One gets close and feels moments are right to get way closer - but the sp pulls back at the moment where things could proceed.
    I'm chill with it 85-90% of the time, actually. I don't mind if people need to pull back when they feel uncertain. I can wait, and suggest more light-hearted activities in the meantime. [I have a w9 sexual variant, so that might influence my attitude in some ways.]

    I subconsciously prefer people who have a stronger SP or SX variant than I do. Before there was the Enneagram to describe them, most of my close friends and romantic interests coincidentally turned out to be sp/so's (for introverts) and sx/so's (for extroverts).

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    But, why is there this sense that sx is the "deepest"? I see this very urgent and compelling need to experience deep intimacy with other people, but why is that somehow equated with depth of character?

    I am not some vacuous valley-girl just interested in like, you know, how popular I am this week. I don't think anyone I know would say I am shallow or a social butterfly. Yet that's how much of the SO stuff reads. I suppose that's the part I feel resistance to.
    Some people do view so-doms this way, but that was also my impression when I first read the SO description. It seemed like the authors themselves thought social firsts were merely concerned about the pecking order, and what not. We achieve depth by being deeply involved within our selected community, which may sometimes not leave enough left for our intimate encounters. For someone who looks at the world from a SX or SP lens, it's understandable why they would think that. Giving people an idea of what a social dominant does, and how that could relate to a SX might help.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

    Enneagram: Tritype - 1w9, 5 (balanced wings), 2w3; Overall Variant: So/Sx
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  7. #67
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    You know what else is scary - if you ask me questions, I will tell the truth to you. So if your intentions are impure, I could get myself in emotional turmoil over sharing with you!

    Gah it's all so complicated ...


    No shit...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  8. #68
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    This last week she's been on holiday and asked me to look after her house/cat. I'm happy to help people where I can, and I'm even happier to be able to go into the front garden and not have her pester me, so I agree to do so. No biggie. She bought me a bottle of wine for my troubles. I'd quite like to leave it at that. But now she has insisted that I go over this afternoon to hear about her holiday.
    How'd it go with the ESFJ, Morgan?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  9. #69
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Coming from an so/sp....

    Well, I'm still not totally familiar with the enneagram variant stackings, BUT I can definitely tell if I'm dealing with an Sx-dom.

    If you're talking to them one-on-one, they seem predator-ish. Not necessarily in a rapist kind of way, but you just feel zoomed-in on. It's pretty intense, and depending on the situation, I may end up wanting to end the conversation as fast as possible, but yet I don't want to look rude. So I'll look for the first exit, and then they'll just look at me strange, because I tend to be abrupt and almost obvious about it. I'm working on my Fe...*sawing sound*

    And if I'm hungry, thirsty, simply bored or need to pee, I'll interrupt the conversation to take care of my needs. I'm pretty ADHD if I'm hungry, so it's for the better.

    EDIT: And when people tell me their life stories, or gets too "heavy"....UGH. NO, NO, NO. There's NO need to sniffle and tell me about your alcoholic uncle within an hour of meeting at a party that's supposed to be fun and festive. GAH. I think that's when I tend to come off as rude and find another person to talk to.

    EDIT to EDIT: Unless they pay me $150/hr to listen, nod and murmur "and how does that make you feel?"
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  10. #70
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Can someone summarize how so/sp-s are perceived?

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