My type is 5w4. I took a couple of tests and kept getting 4w5 but it sounded too emotional for me to consider 4 as my core type. I then read a book on enneagram and type 5 described me so well it was scary. The descriptions of the different behaviors associated with the health levels helps the most to identify type in my opinion.
...can be easily viewed below my profile. I am feeling a little on the lazy side, so won't double down.
I am very confident in my current Enneatyping, but it is not immediately obvious as while my motivations are very much those you would expect of a 4, I take pride in the fact that the traits manifest in a manner that one most certainly would not expect. Of course that a 4 should be assumed to look like anything in particular is itself, of course, an irony, as conformity is counterintuitive to the type (hence my poorly-received suspicion that many people on this site who look like a "stereotypical 4" are not, in fact, 4s...heheh).
^ Stereotypical or not I've become to a conclusion that I'm type 4. It took me awhile to come to this because first when I read the descriptions I thought that I could relate all 9 types and the same time none of them. The tests told me I was 4, 5, 6, 7 and 9 so those were almost useless because the motivations behind the questionnaire answers were left unsolved.After more thorough studying and reflection all I know is my core type. Cannot say about my wings, tritypes, arrows etc yet.
Anyways, I am quite hesitant describing why I relate so heavily on type 4 because it easily gets so personal levels that I'm not used to share. But I'm doing it anyway, not to gain some sort of affirmation but just as an attempt to clear my head a little so I can come back to this as my studies go further.
So, I guess it all starts from the feeling I have beneath everything. I like to imagine it's a little black swirl under my chest and it's spinning constantly - when I'm occupied with something meaningful it moves quietly and calmly without me barely noticing it's existance, but sometimes it accelerates itself to the speed which makes my chest ache. I've learned that the hollowness, that ache for something more, is permanently in me. I probably never will get rid of my swirl, not that I really even want to. It's an essential part of me, I wouldn't know how to be without it.
Maybe because of the swirly feeling I'm attracted to melancholy and tragedy. I feel like those feelings feed the swirl inside of me. At this point of my life I feel like I'm quite stable and I don't have tragedy or sadness in my life directly. But I need to feel those feelings and I seek them from art: photographs, paintings, literature, movies, music... you name it. I'm also able to switch my mood from happiness to melancholy quite easily just by daydreaming. Switching back is a little bit harder, though and I need to distract myself somehow to get out of there.
The most horrible thing to happen would be to discover that my life is just mere existing. I would as well be a plant for that matter! I NEED to FEEL that my personality, the special me does have an input, that my yearning for something significant isn't just for nothing. I don't care the realism here, I know I'm being self absorbed in a way about this, but it makes me angry even just thinking about the possibility that someone would try to put me down for this. And this is not something I go out preaching to other people: hey, look, notice me I'm special! It's just a feeling, without being "just" a feeling because it's what I desire in the end.
And yeah I envy. I envy people who are content and able to enjoy life as it is. And the same time I feel ashamed of being so arrogant not really wanting to live that kind of life. I envy everyone who has original ideas, better ones than I ever have been able to come up with. I don't show my envy, though. I cover it up because I hate that it's the first feeling that comes to me when I'd supposed to feel joy and admire. But the envy is there, every time. Sometimes it's just a glimpse that disappears as soon as it showed up but it was there, I felt it.
The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated.