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  1. #11
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Merging does sound nice. If it is based on healthy motivations (and not insecurity) I also don't see anything wrong with it. I am 5w4, so my issue is the opposite, that I am very aware of what separates. Achieving more connection and experiencing merging is a positive goal for 5s.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  2. #12
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    I guess for me it is more sexual. A heightened level of intimacy.

    It doesn't last though. I'm an introvert and need alone time with my thoughts. So any "merging" above and beyond normal romantic relations is temporary.

  3. #13
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I just want to know why I end up talking to so many E9.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I just want to know why I end up talking to so many E9.
    We bad.

  5. #15
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    That is so interesting to me because of this 9 I know. It took me a while to figure out that she is rather distant although she likes to be kind and do favours. I misinterpreted that at the beginning.
    Yeah, I've been on the receiving end of that misinterpretation. I usually have no idea that I'm doing it. Most 9's wouldn't describe themselves as aloof at all because we care so much about people and keeping the peace with them.

    One thing that I thought of today, about the aloofness. The instinctive types are all about controlling reality in some way. I think that 9's have varying degrees of aloofness depending on how much we trust the person/people that we're with. The more I thought about when I did this, the more I realized that I'm less aloof around people that I am more comfortable with and who I like. When I'm less aloof, I'm more caring. Perhaps a merge happens when we totally leave behind the aloof defense. We are aloof because we don't want to be vulnerable to people; we don't want to be controlled. We don't want our inner peace to be disturbed. When we trust people to not do this, we let down that defense. It took me two years to totally open up to my best friend (for a year of those two I considered him my best, so it takes a little bit of time), and now it's like there are no limits. I'm not afraid of him disturbing my peace (which he doesn't), and I'm not afraid of disturbing his peace. It makes me feel very much at ease to know that. Also, he doesn't drain my energy at all. Most introverts get drained by people, but when I've merged somewhat or fully with someone, I don't get drained at all. There are a few others that I know that are pretty close to that mark too. Not too many make it there.

    It's weird. I care a lot, yet I don't. I keep a safe distance from life itself it seems.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #16

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    That is an excellent post BC. I feel exactly the same way.

    I think that nine types in some way take a symbiotic approach to relationships. In that they draw from the energy of those around them and take on a part of others. Not in the physical sense so much as in the psychological sense. I don't think it is about emotions either, it is something else. It isn't like you are being pulled by the other either, it is more that you recognise the person and seek to adapt with that. I think that because the nines identity is in some way fluid it gives them the capacity to do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I just want to know why I end up talking to so many E9.
    It is because you bring a dynamic that stimulates the nine. It gives them something to work from, it is energising. There is a good balance of energy and relaxation between seven and nine. Seven and Nine.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It's weird. I care a lot, yet I don't.
    Yes, this is the vibe I get from this 9 I know. That she is caring but doesn't actually care about me or want to know too much about me. I do find it hard to understand and difficult to know how to deal with because I sometimes don't know how to interpret or make sense of certain gestures and gifts. Especially as Fe is not my favourite function so it is draining for me to show big emotions in return for something that doesn't actually contain much real feeling for me. (She is an extended family member so we have to share certain things and spend time together.) I try not to think about it too much and maintain the distance and peace but at the same time I think it bothers her that there is distance. Although she seems to need the distance? I don't know.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    I keep a safe distance from life itself it seems.
    All the types try to avoid some aspect of reality or another, trying to stay safe, so I guess we are all in the same boat in that respect. One thing I really appreciate about the Enneagram is how it explains the importance of embracing suffering so as not to suffer any more.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  8. #18
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    It is because you bring a dynamic that stimulates the nine. It gives them something to work from, it is energising. There is a good balance of energy and relaxation between seven and nine. Seven and Nine.
    Too bad the type isn't named 6 instead of 7.

  9. #19
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i've understood it as e9s having boundary issues and feeling unable to stay focused/ continue their own goals/development without being completely knocked off course by the desires of the other. they just kind of lose themselves, can't hear themselves, and do a kind of hysterical fit thing as a result sometimes trying to almost arbitrarily assert control.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by r.a View Post
    this is hard to put into words.

    i can say that it is the case with me. to get into my close circle of loved ones is not the easiest process. see, when i am looking for a girlfriend or a best friend, i am not looking for someone just to spend time with, i am a diplomatic chameleon by nature. since i absorb so much from those around me, and am also very aware of what i am absorbing and what i intend on putting out, so whoever is closest to me needs to be a model of some attribute(s) i am looking to take in i.e. absorb. but also, i have attributes that they do not possess that, in my opinion at the time, they could use in trade for what i could learn from them. it needs to be serendipitous, so i'm not out there slaying tigers to find this. i slay tigers for other reasons.

    now, i don't know if this has to do so much with my enneagramness, my INFJness or my piscean nature, but what i am actually looking for is my other half. someone with whom i am so comfortable absorbing that i want to merge with, mixing my attributes with theirs to create one conscious organism. this merging, rationally, is so that we can function as a whole, learning, growing and evolving together. i'm willing, at times, to settle for something less. that is usually (actually always by experience) a mistake. i'm looking for my other half, so that, yes, we can merge, coexist and co-evolve. nothing else has done it for me, and, probably tragically, nothing will.
    wow, i am speechless . . . that was beautiful.

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