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  1. #1
    Junior Member lovely empty space's Avatar
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    Default Which enneagram would you identify with this?

    Out of pure curiosity after reading through the enneagram descriptions and seeing the basic fear/basic desire parts, I asked my boyfriend what his most basic fear in life was. First he shrugged and said he didn't know (like I expected he would), then he said, "I'm afraid I'll never know myself."

    I'm sure this isn't enough information to accurately type, but does it hint to any one in particular?

  2. #2
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    That is not the best way to find out his enneagram type.

    Observe how he operates in life, what his interests are, etc.

    For example, my boyfriend is clearly a 2 because he is devoted to helping others. He helps newly sober people in AA, he finds joy in taking care of me, he is empathetic and focuses on the needs of others rather than his own.

    The whole desire/motivation bit is rather personal, so it may be hard for someone to come out and say "oh yeah, I need to be needed, I'm totally a 2."

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lovely empty space View Post
    Out of pure curiosity after reading through the enneagram descriptions and seeing the basic fear/basic desire parts, I asked my boyfriend what his most basic fear in life was. First he shrugged and said he didn't know (like I expected he would), then he said, "I'm afraid I'll never know myself."

    I'm sure this isn't enough information to accurately type, but does it hint to any one in particular?

    type 4, maybe... if i had to pick.

  4. #4
    Junior Member lovely empty space's Avatar
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    I read through them thinking about him, and so many of them could have been him, so I couldn't choose. I was gravitating towards 3, though. He's confident, but image-conscious, formal around adults and at work, nit-picky around close friends and acquaintances, but at the same time he's funny, friendly, charismatic, and almost never talks about anything in depth unless it has to do with his band, or unless I ask him questions to understand his perspective (and when I do, he usually gets rather edgy).

  5. #5
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    Seven?

    Dont sevens have a disconnect with understanding their true desires?

  6. #6
    Junior Member Ambrosia's Avatar
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    With what I have to go by alone, I almost wanna say 9... The initial (and more importantly predictable) "I don't know" followed by the second remark portrayed a potential minimizing of self to me, there also seems to be an emphasis of this in your second post.

  7. #7
    Junior Member lovely empty space's Avatar
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    I'm going to agree with nine, and based off of what I read in the forum sticky, I'd say 9w8. Sure answers a lot of questions. It's exactly the way I've pictured him, too.
    "Like the citrus glow off the old orange grove, or the red rocket blaze over Cape Canaveral.
    It's been a nightmare for me, some 1980's grief gives me parachute dreams like old war movies
    while the universe was drawn, perfect circles form infinity."

  8. #8
    Senior Member ilovereeses's Avatar
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    One thing I have to say though, coming from an 9w8, is that you said he is "nit-picky around his close friends." As a 9 I don't like to be that way, I love ppl and love all my close friends and acquaintances even; accepting that everyone has faults. The way you described him sounds exactly like my best friend actually, who is a 3. I used to think that she was a 9, but then realized that she had similar tendencies as me, but different motives. She acted just like me when we were younger, but then as she started to mature she went through a phase where she felt like she had to help me mature too, taking on the mother role, and told me to stop doing something in public 'cause it was rude (very unlike a 9). She also is very different around adults than her friends, acting very professional around mature around them. But then she's fun, energetic and happy go lucky around me and her friends. 3s are very defensive too if you tell them that they are wrong. My best friend will go hours upon hours explaining her logic to someone in hope that they understand.

    Also, a 9's fear isn't not knowing themself, it's not being happy/comfortable with themself or their environment.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    Absolutely 3 - maybe 3w4
    Average 3s are afraid to introspect; they fear that if they do, they may find there's nothing there. No core, no identity, no personal values. They do all the image building to compensate for this. Not unlike narcissists - and Riso/Hudson also make this connection between 3s and narcissists in "The wisdom of the enneagram". 3 has a special connection with 9 and 6; and a 3 under stress resembles unhealthy 9s.
    I have no sense of humour.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilovereeses View Post
    One thing I have to say though, coming from an 9w8, is that you said he is "nit-picky around his close friends." As a 9 I don't like to be that way, I love ppl and love all my close friends and acquaintances even; accepting that everyone has faults. The way you described him sounds exactly like my best friend actually, who is a 3. I used to think that she was a 9, but then realized that she had similar tendencies as me, but different motives. She acted just like me when we were younger, but then as she started to mature she went through a phase where she felt like she had to help me mature too, taking on the mother role, and told me to stop doing something in public 'cause it was rude (very unlike a 9). She also is very different around adults than her friends, acting very professional around mature around them. But then she's fun, energetic and happy go lucky around me and her friends. 3s are very defensive too if you tell them that they are wrong. My best friend will go hours upon hours explaining her logic to someone in hope that they understand.

    Also, a 9's fear isn't not knowing themself, it's not being happy/comfortable with themself or their environment.
    interesting how you say that about your friend.. because i am also in between 9 and 3... at first look they are very different but actually share a lot. at least in my case.

    the thing you said about 9s (bolded) ...this is how i figured out about 9s -my hypothesis - is that they have tendency to ignore themselves, so opposite than 3s they are not self-assertive (talking about average to unhealthy 9), at least thats one thing that's harder for them, while average 3 is self-assertive even though it can be fake.
    anyway... i dont think 9 needs to be always so welcoming of others, in case she is waking up from her self-forgetting style... she will have self-assertive moments so can resemble 3, when she's not so welcoming of everybody.

    i was never self-assertive, i used to get a lot comments like "why arent you more proud of your accomplishments.. you should be more aware of them", but i was always indiferent (dont know is it taking it for granted or what), until i really figured out i am counterproductive and overly not self-assertive, to the point i wasnt even aware of my talents. so i dont know can that be 3.

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