Should I start to worry... (I did this test)

[Sona]

I thought I had depression... So I decided to take the test to find out if I really do have depression or am I just feelings like this because I'm disappointed in a friend. I'm always nervous and worried about things I can't even explain. For instance I'm really upset with a friend I haven't seen for 2 - 3 weeks. And he has been passing my number out to guys and telling them I sell weed. Before that he got me into trouble by telling my probation officer things. And I really trusted this guy so much. I just get this crap feeling on my heart every time I think about it. If am eating and I start to think about it I can't eat. Sometimes for a few minutes I get intense feelings of liberation when I just think no one can hurt me, and I don't care about anything. But that doesn't last to long.

In fact I've had enough of all my friends, I just wish they would leave me alone - they are not bullying me or anything, they just want me to come out all the time and have fun with them. And I'm really sick and tried of it all I want to stop drinking before I turn into an alcoholic, and they smoke weed and I end up smoking it too. And it makes you go petty... I hate it... When am stoned I feel like I can pick up peoples emotions I can feel their emotions and I really hate that and this is not helping me feel better I feel worse the next morning. Am so just scared and I don't even know of what!

Sorry I've gone off track... So anyway I the depression test:

You have reached level 45 on the Goldberg scale.
36 - 53 Moderate to severe depression

You are having suicidal thoughts. This is a serious warning sign, and you must seek help quickly.

You have the symptoms of moderate to severe depression. The condition seems to cause serious problems in your everyday life, and you should consult your doctor immediately.

Depression is a disease like any other disease, and it can be treated very effectively. Recognising that you are suffering from depression is the first positive step. If you are depressed, you should arrange to see your doctor to talk about the illness right away. You may also want to raise the issue with your friends and family. You should look for support from these people you until you get well. Anyone can suffer from depression, and the symptoms can vary from person to person. Treatments, including medication and psychotherapy, have a very high success rate.

Link to the test:
NetDoctor.co.uk - Goldberg depression test


Just to let you all know, I wouldn't actually commit suicide, its just that I've had the thought that how would my family feel if I did and how I would do it, if I did do i.e. what are my options. But I wouldn't actually do it.

So do you think I really need to "seek help"? I don't think I do, its just a phase am going though I think because I've failed I don't have a job I have to get money from my family I have nothing to look froward to the future I drink am not religious when I should be, my life is just doomed it really is.

[niffer]

I don't really think you need to seek help yet. First of all, you've already identified what problems you have. That's good. Now all you have to do is..slowly disconnect from your disloyal friend and tell your friends that you are trying to change and that if they care, they'll leave you alone. As long as you have your mind set to the state of wanting to change for the better, I'm sure you'll work everything out eventually. Maybe get one of those counselors that take care of your job applications and stuff though..it could help. I agree with you that it's probably just a phase. Good luck.

[Sona]

Originally Posted by niffer

I don't really think you need to seek help yet. First of all, you've already identified what problems you have. That's good. Now all you have to do is..slowly disconnect from your disloyal friend and tell your friends that you are trying to change and that if they care, they'll leave you alone. As long as you have your mind set to the state of wanting to change for the better, I'm sure you'll work everything out eventually. Maybe get one of those counselors that take care of your job applications and stuff though..it could help. I agree with you that it's probably just a phase. Good luck.

Its hard to say to my friends I want to "change" I've known them for so long. And then if I do end up going out for a drink, some of them will think I just didn't want to be friends with them. I do want to be friends with them, I just want them to be more responsible. Am seriously on my last warning I had to practically beg my probation officer to give me one more change. Next time she's taking me straight to court and getting me sent down. Only 3 more months, and them am free am leaving the country getting away from almost all of my friends. I will be so happy.

My friend being a prick right now its just one of the problems thats making me feel sad, am just getting bullied by the whole probation system and the courts and the police, and am paranoid about getting into a fight and I think someones going to attack me. I'm just going crazy, last night 3 am sitting in my bed, and a plastic bag moved and I was going crazy I thought maybe jinn are going to attack me. Then am like no I need to be rational its probably the condensation from my breathing and the bag was probably already loose and the weight of the condensation building on it made it move.

Am really in stress, and even over religious issues.

[Sahara]

Originally Posted by Sona

I thought I had depression... So I decided to take the test to find out if I really do have depression or am I just feelings like this because I'm disappointed in a friend. I'm always nervous and worried about things I can't even explain. For instance I'm really upset with a friend I haven't seen for 2 - 3 weeks. And he has been passing my number out to guys and telling them I sell weed. Before that he got me into trouble by telling my probation officer things. And I really trusted this guy so much. I just get this crap feeling on my heart every time I think about it. If am eating and I start to think about it I can't eat. Sometimes for a few minutes I get intense feelings of liberation when I just think no one can hurt me, and I don't care about anything. But that doesn't last to long.

In fact I've had enough of all my friends, I just wish they would leave me alone - they are not bullying me or anything, they just want me to come out all the time and have fun with them. And I'm really sick and tried of it all I want to stop drinking before I turn into an alcoholic, and they smoke weed and I end up smoking it too. And it makes you go petty... I hate it... When am stoned I feel like I can pick up peoples emotions I can feel their emotions and I really hate that and this is not helping me feel better I feel worse the next morning. Am so just scared and I don't even know of what!

Have you not been keeping on top of your medication? If you have been prescribed something from the doctor for your schizophrenia which I think I remember you telling me you had, then you must keep taking them, otherwise you will be just end up feeling like this again.

Go back to the doctors and explain, and see what he/she suggests.

Sorry I've gone off track... So anyway I the depression test:


Link to the test:
NetDoctor.co.uk - Goldberg depression test


Just to let you all know, I wouldn't actually commit suicide, its just that I've had the thought that how would my family feel if I did and how I would do it, if I did do i.e. what are my options. But I wouldn't actually do it.

So do you think I really need to "seek help"? I don't think I do, its just a phase am going though I think because I've failed I don't have a job I have to get money from my family I have nothing to look froward to the future I drink am not religious when I should be, my life is just doomed it really is.

Your depressed because you are at war within yourself, you are depressed because you think you are going to hell, the religious side is battling with the logical side and it's tearing you apart, I have watched you slowly destroying yourself as you have struggled against the things you found out about islam, and your mood has reflected this.

You went from being such a funny light hearted guy, to moody and angry, drinking more angrily, you just are not the same. That's why I back off debating you, I couldn;t bear to watch what it was doing to you, that's why i told you to remian a muslim if doing so would bring you peace.

But it's not bringing you peace, it never will because deep down you wish to be free, if drinking wasn't haram you wouldn't do it the way you do it, I know that from what I have observed of you. Right now you are lashing out, you are angry that the life is so dictated, you are not free in anyway.

Until you embrace freedom for yourself you will remain angry, until you let go of the people demanding obediance, or stand up for yourself against blind obediance, you will continue to be assailed with thoughts of hopelessness.

[Sona]

Have you not been keeping on top of your medication? If you have been prescribed something from the doctor for your schizophrenia which I think I remember you telling me you had, then you must keep taking them, otherwise you will be just end up feeling like this again.

Been talking the medication, I just feel really down.

Go back to the doctors and explain, and see what he/she suggests.

His telling me, with my mental problems which I've been suffering from in the past I'm ontop of them. He actually told me I had nothing to worry about and its not even really an issue and he will be stopping the medication soon.

Your depressed because you are at war within yourself, you are depressed because you think you are going to hell, the religious side is battling with the logical side and it's tearing you apart, I have watched you slowly destroying yourself as you have struggled against the things you found out about islam, and your mood has reflected this.

I know that was one serious issue for me without a doubt. If I wasn't so logical and anal about everything - I wish I could just close my mind and just believe it. The more I know about religion, the more I think its absurd. Before out of guilt I didn't do alot of things, like drinking too much and sex. Now the guilt is gone. Everything is so inconsequential life is so inconsequential whats the point living if you're only living to die and everything just goes. No day you will not exist it will be like 9 months before the time you were born. You'll have no concept of anything. And yet for me there is so much fear there, my mind is telling me this and my heart is telling me what if am wrong. I feel so sad almost feel like crying, all the times I prayed to god all the times I actually thought god loved me because I was a good person. Now I just feel like a bad person.

You went from being such a funny light hearted guy, to moody and angry, drinking more angrily, you just are not the same. That's why I back off debating you, I couldn;t bear to watch what it was doing to you, that's why i told you to remian a muslim if doing so would bring you peace.

Because, I just to feel like, no way this can't be wrong. I will prove them all wrong, theres a perfectly logical explanation. To the point that I started interpreting the Quranic verses my own interpretation for it to be more logical.

But it's not bringing you peace, it never will because deep down you wish to be free, if drinking wasn't haram you wouldn't do it the way you do it, I know that from what I have observed of you. Right now you are lashing out, you are angry that the life is so dictated, you are not free in anyway.

Yes I am lashing out, I feel angry with myself and I also feel sad and I want to get this anger and sadness out of me. I thought I was free, but I wasn't because I was trapped by ignorance, then for a moment I thought I was free until I realized am not really I have no freedom. Freedom means to have a job a career, a pretty wife and a nice house with a nice car and some money in your savings account.

Until you embrace freedom for yourself you will remain angry, until you let go of the people demanding obediance, or stand up for yourself against blind obediance, you will continue to be assailed with thoughts of hopelessness.

Yeah I need to get out there, list some short term goals, and throw my phone away, and tell my friends straight up, am not drinking am busy looking for a job, my dads going to kick me out his had enough. And am going to stop getting lifts off my sister I need to be independent. So things for myself. Start the gym get back to my bodybuilding hobby then drinking. Give away all my theological books away. I need closure, end one chapter in my life. Go ahead rather then backwards. I'm the only person who can motivate me!

[Sahara]

Originally Posted by Sona

Been talking the medication, I just feel really down.

His telling me, with my mental problems which I've been suffering from in the past I'm ontop of them. He actually told me I had nothing to worry about and its not even really an issue and he will be stopping the medication soon.

1 - see a new doctor as this one shouldn't be taking you off the meds with such a severe psychosis and no back up plan or support network, and no psychotherapist.

2 - same as above, get control back by seeking a second opinion, sometimes I find the doctors a bit backwards and not totally honest with what they can do for you, it's about getting you out for the next appointment and getting you "healed" so that it looks good on record.

I know that was one serious issue for me without a doubt. If I wasn't so logical and anal about everything - I wish I could just close my mind and just believe it. The more I know about religion, the more I think its absurd. Before out of guilt I didn't do alot of things, like drinking too much and sex. Now the guilt is gone. Everything is so inconsequential life is so inconsequential whats the point living if you're only living to die and everything just goes. No day you will not exist it will be like 9 months before the time you were born. You'll have no concept of anything. And yet for me there is so much fear there, my mind is telling me this and my heart is telling me what if am wrong. I feel so sad almost feel like crying, all the times I prayed to god all the times I actually thought god loved me because I was a good person. Now I just feel like a bad person.

I went through that too, and the above post where you say you thought the jinn were coming for you, I had nights of fear and nightmares in which mohammed was chasing me across the desert to behead me for my sins. Seriously it was a dark and lonely time, and no one really understood that well.

You should read some books on athiesm, once the fear of god goes, once the fear of hell vanishes the other fears about god, sin and reward/punishment cease to exist.

Because, I just to feel like, no way this can't be wrong. I will prove them all wrong, theres a perfectly logical explanation. To the point that I started interpreting the Quranic verses my own interpretation for it to be more logical.

yes, I have actually seen you try to do that and then get angry when you see your not fooling even yourself, nor does your interpretation hold itself up to scrutiny.

Yes I am lashing out, I feel angry with myself and I also feel sad and I want to get this anger and sadness out of me. I thought I was free, but I wasn't because I was trapped by ignorance, then for a moment I thought I was free until I realized am not really I have no freedom. Freedom means to have a job a career, a pretty wife and a nice house with a nice car and some money in your savings account.

Freedom also means being free to marry or not to marry, and you are not free to do that, you are trapped in a future you haven't had much say in, you displayed an interest once in a girl and now your set to marry her because there are extreme repurcussions if you don't.

Yeah I need to get out there, list some short term goals, and throw my phone away, and tell my friends straight up, am not drinking am busy looking for a job, my dads going to kick me out his had enough. And am going to stop getting lifts off my sister I need to be independent. So things for myself. Start the gym get back to my bodybuilding hobby then drinking. Give away all my theological books away. I need closure, end one chapter in my life. Go ahead rather then back words. I'm the only person who can motivate me!

However even with that proactive attitude you still aren't tackling the problem, throwing away the theological books will not bring you closure, closure can only come when you make a decision.

The issue is not in the books, in it's in your head, you need to deal with it before you will even feel genuine lasting motivation to do the others.

[Sona]

I went through that too, and the above post where you say you thought the jinn were coming for you, I had nights of fear and nightmares in which mohammed was chasing me across the desert to behead me for my sins. Seriously it was a dark and lonely time, and no one really understood that well.

Yeah but with me, I was tripping myself out. Even saying it "might be a jinn" but I was scared though when that happened. Also wanted to face my fear, I kept looking at the bag, in case a "jinn" appeared.

You should read some books on athiesm, once the fear of god goes, once the fear of hell vanishes the other fears about god, sin and reward/punishment cease to exist.

Its very hard to trust things relating to religion, now I just read things to pick holes into it I'm never never believing what is written I don't want to be fool, but really in my approach I am an atheist, however I just don't want to say am not a Muslim or there isn't a god I just don't feel ready for it.

yes, I have actually seen you try to do that and then get angry when you see your not fooling even yourself, nor does your interpretation hold itself up to scrutiny.

I was desperate, everything was getting shattered and that too my women. Which was hard to swallow and which I think why I still have anger at woman. Even though I want to thank then but also I the same time I'm angry with them.

Freedom also means being free to marry or not to marry, and you are not free to do that, you are trapped in a future you haven't had much say in, you displayed an interest once in a girl and now your set to marry her because there are extreme repurcussions if you don't.

I just don't want to break her heart, because I know how that feels. And I gave my word to her I'll marry her, and being an ISTJ it would be very, very hard for me to back track on those words. I'll feel worthless actually. If there is a thing called love then it will just have to grow, with the time we spend together.

However even with that proactive attitude you still aren't tackling the problem, throwing away the theological books will not bring you closure, closure can only come when you make a decision.

The issue is not in the books, in it's in your head, you need to deal with it before you will even feel genuine lasting motivation to do the others.

Making that decision is so hard. I believed in everything from my heart 110 %, now rejecting that and outrightly saying I don't believe in it or sticking a label on myself is so hard.

[Mycroft]

For what it's worth, I am someone who walked away from his family and childhood friends because it became clear that I simply couldn't believe the things I'd been raised to believe. It was hard. For a long time. But I don't regret it one bit. Once you've had the realizations you've had, they don't just go away.

[Sona]

Originally Posted by Mycroft

For what it's worth, I am someone who walked away from his family and childhood friends because it became clear that I simply couldn't believe the things I'd been raised to believe. It was hard. For a long time. But I don't regret it one bit. Once you've had the realizations you've had, they don't just go away.

I understand what you mean. It just seems to much to ditch your family over religious issues. When I can just stick with them for a few more months until am married and they'll want me to move out anyway. Then I can work on my wife to be either more religious or to ditch it. As I would prefer a pious Muslim wife.

[runvardh]

So, trouble in paradise... Why, oh why does it sound familiar...

I'd rather leave childish behavior behind than end up behind bars. I've dumped friends too.