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  1. #21
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    ^ more like the bitter/sweet divide.
    That's like a rallying cry to an NF... I will resist the urge to hug you here...
    Last edited by violaine; 10-14-2008 at 09:54 AM.

  2. #22
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    how can a guy seem confident through tears of self-loathing?


    how can you follow a book that says you need to be self confident... nothing paradoxical about that. it should say "you are a loser for buying this"
    This undermines confidence normally.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

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  3. #23
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    well it's true. part of having real confidence is being able to accept the truth for what it is and deal with it.

    i think this "fake it until you make it" is just a band-aid approach that just teaches someone to build pseudo-confidence through positive feedback. there is a problem with "confident" people like this... once they dont have that positive feedback anymore, they regress.

  4. #24
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I agree entirely.. hence my envisioning this "art" lasting just long enough to make an unstable relationship. The woman is basing the relationship off of things that are not entirely true.. making for a dilemma when the truth is revealed.

    I've been "swindled" into a relationship with a man that was a real loser. He acted confident, lied through his teeth, and I didn't think anyone had a reason to lie to me over such pointless things as whether or not they've kissed another girl or not.. things like this. Infact, everything he had ever told me was a lie.. The relationship spiraled into disaster soon after the truth of his inability to just be himself, and more-importantly know who he is, kept us from succeeding. In reality, he was just your average super nerd that had a few good dance moves. Not capable of accepting that for what it is, he still lies over and over again to myself and his friends to desperately try to make us see him in some sort of limelight. It's a sad way of things..I don't know which is worse: Not being able to get a date, or not being able to keep a date.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    and his friends to desperately try to make us see him in some sort of limelight.
    I've had friends make shit up about me in front of girls to try and "help." lol. Rather painful, that. I don't know whether to go along (going against my values) or deny it (making my friend look stupid, going against other values), so I usually say nothing and write the whole encounter off.

  6. #26
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Boo. Awesome doesn't need help being awesome.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Boo. Awesome doesn't need help being awesome.
    You know how I know you're awesome? You just said that.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I agree entirely.. hence my envisioning this "art" lasting just long enough to make an unstable relationship. The woman is basing the relationship off of things that are not entirely true.. making for a dilemma when the truth is revealed.

    I've been "swindled" into a relationship with a man that was a real loser. He acted confident, lied through his teeth, and I didn't think anyone had a reason to lie to me over such pointless things as whether or not they've kissed another girl or not.. things like this. Infact, everything he had ever told me was a lie.. The relationship spiraled into disaster soon after the truth of his inability to just be himself, and more-importantly know who he is, kept us from succeeding. In reality, he was just your average super nerd that had a few good dance moves. Not capable of accepting that for what it is, he still lies over and over again to myself and his friends to desperately try to make us see him in some sort of limelight. It's a sad way of things..I don't know which is worse: Not being able to get a date, or not being able to keep a date.
    the way i understand it, when you form your perception of someone on what they tell you, you will eventually have that coming. others are not responsible for your interpretation. although with lying comes the intent to be falsely interpreted, i still think that is true and it is our responsibility to consider what is subjective perception and what is fact.

    i try form my opinion of someone based on my observations of them rather than what they project. dishonesty aside, very few people can form realistic opinions of themselves. personally, i avoid subjective things, and if they do come up i tend to [jokingly] give the worst case scenario of myself... my actions speak for themselves, that is how id rather be known.

    "talk is cheap!" (its an istp thing)


    objectivity is a fine line to tread, and "truth is found between the sea of gray between black and white" as i say. so in light of your discovery, you might be prone to describing that person with "just a...", it would be more accurate to say that they were dishonest with you (the trust is gone after that, it's a fine enough reason to break things off--although i doubt you can say you've always been entirely honest yourself?) it is not an easy thing to do, because it forces us to consider that we have similar flaws to those we so easily see and criticize in others.

  9. #29
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    the way i understand it, when you form your perception of someone on what they tell you, you will eventually have that coming. others are not responsible for your interpretation. although with lying comes the intent to be falsely interpreted, i still think that is true and it is our responsibility to consider what is subjective perception and what is fact.

    i try form my opinion of someone based on my observations of them rather than what they project. dishonesty aside, very few people can form realistic opinions of themselves. personally, i avoid subjective things, and if they do come up i tend to [jokingly] give the worst case scenario of myself... my actions speak for themselves, that is how id rather be known.

    "talk is cheap!" (its an istp thing)


    objectivity is a fine line to tread, and "truth is found between the sea of gray between black and white" as i say. so in light of your discovery, you might be prone to describing that person with "just a...", it would be more accurate to say that they were dishonest with you (the trust is gone after that, it's a fine enough reason to break things off--although i doubt you can say you've always been entirely honest yourself?) it is not an easy thing to do, because it forces us to consider that we have similar flaws to those we so easily see and criticize in others.
    If you lie to someone from the first moment you meet them.. the deception will cause a constant flaw in who they are to you.. At the time, I had no idea, and still have no idea why anyone would lie about things like being allergic to all fruit (you could just as easily say you dislike eating it..), favorite movies and music.. it HAS to be known that the people talked to will find out otherwise.. I can't justify a reason in my head for lying about insignificant stuff like that... so when someone tells me something about them, I generally believe them. "I like rock music!" . They must like rock music.

    I'll admit my perception of others telling me things is flawed because I want to see the best in everyone.. but I'm satisfied with giving people the benefit of the doubt in exchange for being burned here and there.

    As far as the "just a.." part.. He's a struggler for immortality. He wants everyone to know him, love him, idolize him, and I suppose saying things like that (I generally don't use his name when speaking of him, or things like this..) is my own personal begrudging way getting him back for all the lies said. (No, I'm not perfect.. but in THAT relationship, I can honestly say it was all on him as to why it fell apart.)

    My love life aside, to get back on topic, I do get annoyed with pick-up lines and such like this. I have to be friends with someone before I can think of them as anything else. If you aren't even a close friend, forget talking to me on any other level.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  10. #30
    ByMySword
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    `
    Well that show was incredibly lol-worthy and now there's gonna be a season two.

    Do guys actually watch this show and take mental notes?

    I do not believe you can manufacture charm, charisma or social sincerity, (obviously) and I think that these things are what the show, or should I say "Mystery", (gag me with a jagged spoon) are trying to teach these clueless men.

    Any thoughts?
    Read The Game by Neil Strauss and you'll see that you're wrong.

    Mystery is in it throughout the entire book. I actually knew him from there before the show even came out.

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