Episode s1e2: "The Letting Go"
- As Sarah is searching for words for Maura, Tammy (the lesbian paramour) addresses the elephant in the room, cutting in to say, "uh, you look awesome." As a lesbian in a very large city, she at least likely has some exposure to trans people, has known both people for a long time, and thus functions as a bridge between parent and child. There are some common experiences between LGB and trans (and family disclosure experiences is one set), so even if Tammy doesn't get it totally, she knows enough to help.
- Sarah: "Are you saying that you're going to start dressing up like a lady all the time?" Maura says, "...No, honey, all my life...my whole life... I've been dressing up like a man. This is me." Beautifully acted.
- Apparently Maura had the small ponytail as far back as 1989. It was sad to see him hiding in silence in his darkened office while getting out clothes he had bought, waiting for an unexpectedly knocking student to go away. In the end, he throws the clothes out as he leaves the building; the feelings of shame + the purge cycle are very very common.
- Davina, a transitioned transwoman: "In five years, none of your family will be there." Maura: "That's so sad." She says it matter of fact, but you can tell she's wondering how much her life will reflect Davina's statement. It is true for too many. Things continue to improve in western culture, but one is still fortunate to preserve even half of one's relationships.
- Sarah apparently isn't willing to things go, and she and Tammy sneak out to Makeout Lane in the middle of the night and have a go at each other. It seems that love has been lacking in both of their marriage [Tammy is in a lesbian marriage, Sarah is in a het marriage]. Whether this has been because of a loss of interest between partners, or the pressures of child-raising on a marriage, or whether because Sarah has been in denial about her own preferencesm, well it's all unclear at this time. But the end result is that it's leading her to do things that could invariably lead to the loss of her marriage. Maybe this is what happened between Maura and Shelley (Maura's ex-wife) in the sense that Maura just couldn't be the man Shelley wanted her to be even if Maura was wearing the clothes and trying to live the life.
- Dear god this show is funny sometimes. Judith freaking Light as the Jewish mom? She makes me laugh out loud any time she's on screen. But it's not just that, I just find myself laughing a lot at some of the situations or silliness of the characters.
- Sarah and her husband Len seem very real to me, especially in how they talk to each other as well as argue. Some of the things they say are so much like the stupid arguments that spouses can get into, especially if they have developed a growing (but unaddressed) irritation with each other.
- When Sarah tells Len about her dad, len's first response is, "You know, he always seemed creepy to me." It's funny how one line can tell you everything about a relationship and what's going to happen. Len is noting essentially that Maura never came off as a "normal guy" (very likely); it insinuates some not very nice stuff about Maura as a person; Sarah's tone was one of wanting to talk about her feelings and/or wanting some support, and Len's response is to decry her dad, rather than being sensitive; it's pretty clear coupled with her recent lesbian fling that this marriage is in serious trouble and Maura's transition has now contributed to the growing rift between them.
- Sarah's responses to Maura's revelation are interesting. She's being "big sister" in that she wants to protect her siblings. But she hasn't really processed Maura's decisions yet herself, and then ends up defending her dad to her husband. There's so much to work through and sometimes people aren't even sure how they feel in full until far later in the adjustment phase. So they will alternate their stance depending on situational context and who they are talking to and how that person responds.
- There's an odd kind of half-life (or maybe better stated "in-between" life) that occurs during transition. Like when Maura comes home to her house but she sees herself as a younger man going into her then-wife and young children at the time. You live in multiple times at once. Gender dypshoria can automatically contribute to a sense of being "detached" from your body and self to begin with; and then when you're changed, it's recalling parts of someone else's life... because that person was not entirely you to begin with.
- In a similar way, at the death of Maury, a resident of the Shanga-la apartments where Davina lives and who Maura is visiting, the scene captures how this entire community of LGBT people live in a subculture of normal society. it's not uncommon for LGBT folks (as well as other people with shared beliefs/values/experiences -- whether ethnic or religious) to build their own communities where they feel understood and safe. There are gay couples and transpeople and other similar residents watching the coroner wheel Maury out of his apartment in a body bag. (Davina refers to him as a "sweet old queen.") It's not clear whether his death was suicide or old age. But there's a familiarity connecting them all, though -- Davina takes Maura into the dead man's apartment after everyone leaves and says it's fine, that they always check on each other's mail, water their plants, etc. They are a community to themselves.
Also, you start to see how during transition it's almost like stepping into another world. There is the "regular society" with all the old norms, and then there is this self-existing community with its support groups, social gatherings, etc. Usually the worlds are also pretty separate; there are few people who will be in BOTH of your worlds. And before you are full-time, it's like you spend half your life in one world and half your life in another -- you keep walking back and forth across the boundary that separates the two, like living in two different dimensions. Some people continue to do this all their lives, others will pick one world or the other to live in.
