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Thread: Transformers 4

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    Default Transformers 4

    As we count down to the opening day of the 160-minute fourth installment of the beloved Transformers franchise, the first three reviews are in, including one from a top critic writing for Variety, one of the snootiest movie review publications in existence, all rank Fresh on the Tomatometer.

    "Who cares if the human characters are even more dispensable and the plot even more scattershot than usual?" --Maggie Lee, Variety

    "For audiences seeking the same polished, vacuous grand scale spectacle that has become synonymous with both the series and its director, Transformers: Age Of Extinction gives the series a new lease of life." --James Marsh, Screen International

    "You know what you're in for if you buy a ticket, and Bay seems determined to wear you down with the biggest craziest 'Transformers' movie yet." --Doug McWeeny (hahaha), HitFix

    So far, it's almost as if the critics have finally caught on, after seven long years, to the fact that none of these movies were ever meant to win Oscars.

    I'm so excited.

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    13% now.

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    No sense in deviating too far from the typical Transformer X score...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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    I like the idea of the Transformers. I like science fiction, robots, explosions and action. But whenever I hear "A Michael Bay Movie" I die a little inside, because I know the movie can't be bothered to make sense.... that the characterizations will be flat, lifeless and a little insulting... that the cuts will be so frenetic that I won't be able to tell who is who (nor will I care). I wish someone else would take over the franchise, and that it be someone who works with decent writers.

    Otherwise, Transformers 4 would have to playing for free in the background while I was doing something else in order for me to (half) watch it. I'm amazed those movies make money, but then, so did Battle Ship.

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    Nicola Peltz was, in fact, 18 when this was filmed. You don't have to be ashamed of jerking off to her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Ü™ View Post
    Nicola Peltz was, in fact, 18 when this was filmed. You don't have to be ashamed of jerking off to her.
    I still think Megan is prettier

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    I'm gay, so hot female actresses playing characters that can be charitably described as "two dimensional..." not really a big draw for me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    I like the idea of the Transformers. I like science fiction, robots, explosions and action. But whenever I hear "A Michael Bay Movie" I die a little inside, because I know the movie can't be bothered to make sense.... that the characterizations will be flat, lifeless and a little insulting... that the cuts will be so frenetic that I won't be able to tell who is who (nor will I care). I wish someone else would take over the franchise, and that it be someone who works with decent writers.
    I read a wonderful quote from a review on rotten tomatoes:

    Transformers: Age of Extinction has appalling dialogue, deplorable representations of women, un-self-aware action sequences, very little humour and racial stereotyping. In other words, it's a Michael Bay movie.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

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    Got my ticket for IMAX 3D.

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    Default And now... some of the amusing critic responses (+ mine):

    This is as excruciating a movie as is likely to be experienced by anyone, anywhere. ~ James Berardinelli
    Root canal just became someone's bitch.

    It is one of the most relentless movies I have ever seen. It just refuses to end. ~Richard Roeper
    ... like Tea Party indignation.

    Seriously, the next movie should just be called "Transformers: Hammer to the Skull." ~Tom Long
    Sorry, that's already the subtitle of the next Conan movie.

    "Transformers: Age of Extinction" isn't a "good" movie by any conventional standards, but as nothing more than empty, stupid, sometimes dazzling spectacle it provides exactly what audiences who flock to this series will be looking for. ~Dustin Putman
    We didn't get the movie we needed, we got the movie we deserved.

    (The) bewildering first act is Shakespearean compared to an extended mid-section which may represent the worst second act in scriptwriting history. ~Simon Foster
    ... the act where Lady Macbeth became a hooker for ADHD goats was in the running until The Bard's weekly writing circle said they didn't understand her motivation.

    It's long, it's loud and it's really stupid. ~Peter Howell
    GG Allin epitath for life (aside from the absence of shit)

    It may be loud and stupid, but at least it's loud and stupid. ~William Bibbiani
    "The Longest Most Meaningless Movie in the World" (1968) apparently has not been unseated in Bibbiani's opinion.

    One thing you have to give Bay credit for: He has a knack for bringing A-list talent down to his level. ~Peter Keough
    Good directors know what they want and they know how to get it.

    Hello, police? I'd like to report an assault. ~Soren Anderson
    "I'm sorry, ma'am, you bought a ticket. That makes it consensual."

    To say that Age of Extinction is the best installment in the money-minting Transformers franchise is like saying the best episode of The Love Boat was the one that had Charo in it... ~Rene Rodriguez
    Yeah, 'cause everyone knows the best episode was the one with Todd Bridges.

    How dare you Michael Bay? How dare you? ~Clayton David
    Apparently the second base of mind fucking isn't supposed to happen until the third date.

    Transformers: Age of Extinction isn't a bad movie; it's the worst possible product of a big Hollywood system drunk on a cocktail of fermented nostalgia and rancid profiteering while driving moviegoing into the ground. ~ James Rocchi
    Too soon! Too soon!
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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