its an odd combination of frustration, emotional curiousity and the fantastic. being exposed to it was fantastic - anything you might be used to thinking as static represent as an emergent center of motion which doesn't exist other than a symmetry of whats moving around it, following the brush strokes from anywhere to reach anywhere with a focus point that's always shifting and each point feels like you gathered an undefined form which moves to the next. it just looked so freaking joyful to me. and then i learned about his breakdown straight after, suggesting some notion that there's sadness that somehow should be implied in the last great work (because real life always fits climatic narratives... but i wasn't yet that cynical or aware of that expect of bias), trying to find it... and honestly, as far as i can tell, it can be applied mentally to the painting, but not implied from it.
that on the other hand, does make me feel a sort of inspired sadness. i (presumably mindfucked myself into) perceived it as a being of a time dimension that should be about 90's to ours and the motion coming across within a single moment, and i was never quite certain if it's stuck or if everything else was.
those in the know shell know. the rest can google. also - look at it closely.. .look at it very closely