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  1. #1
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Default the worst book EVER!!!

    I was bored at work earlier and pondering what could possibly be the absolute worst book anyone could possibly write and concluded that I'd come up with one of the possible worst books that could be written (and people would read it )

    A paranormal romance turned thriller about a suicidal woman who falls in love with death over the course of meeting him multiple times in her suicide attempts... eventually death is won over and they date for a while and do all kinds of delightful things like go meet dead celebrities in death's realm and see what they're up to these days and things of that sort... picnics in the moonlit graveyard and such... eventually the woman grows tired of death's cold embrace, because it's winter and she wants a man who can keep her warm on the long nights, so she breaks up with death!

    now death is pissed off, but since he still loves the woman he starts stalking her and killing things in her life... her goldfish die, the flowers in her planter die when he breathes on them while watching her through the window and finally when she decides that she's going to marry her human beau, death decides to turn on her! will the woman survive and live the rest of her happy life or will death get his vengeance?

    yeah... sounds TERRIBLE!

    what's the worst possible plot for a novel that you can think of that someone might actually read?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #2
    Mojibake sprinkles's Avatar
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    I dunno, Mercedes Lackey novels seemed like a contrived excuse for homosexual characters to get wounded in magical combat and then have healing sex with each other.

    Ok, it's probably not exactly that but that's what I remember.

  3. #3
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    Well, this is from a book that was actually published. I can't give the name of the book or author, as it's been a number of years and I can't remember the specifics -- it's the only book I've ever bought (and I've bought *way* more than my share) that I've ever gotten rid of.

    Basically, I had an appointment to donate platelets - which takes about an hour and a half or so, and I wanted to have a new book to read while I was there. So I went to the bookstore and picked up this book that, at first glance, looked like it might be interesting. It was advertised as a science fiction mystery/thriller, with the protagonist in the outer solar system while a plague threatened humanity. Okay, not fantastic, but I didn't have a lot of time to pick something out, so I gave it a shot.

    BAD mistake. The "plot" was actually centered around a man who had been infected with a sexually-transmitted virus that made him a) incredibly horny and b) sexually irresistible. Now, this man was, for some reason I can't recall, on a spaceship in the outer solar system, waiting for his chance to wake the female members of the crew out of hibernation-sleep to... fulfill his potential as a transmitter of said STD. Which, of course, in addition to being highly contagious, also caused sterility, and there was some bit about the destruction of humanity with him being the "patient zero" of a horde of contagious, orgiastic sterility-virus-carrying-spacefarers heading back to earth, which would result in an eventual birth rate of zero and hence, extinction of the human race. If I remember correctly, there was some mumbo-jumbo in there about him realizing that the virus had taken over his mind and yet giving him some sort of macho thrill from "spreading itself" too, but as you can tell, it wasn't particularly well-written, so that was sort of fuzzy.

    Needless to say, this was not what I'd signed up for when I took a chance on this book... but I was more or less stuck for an hour and a half, so I bulled my way through 75 pages or so before deciding that staring at the wall was more interesting (and less potentially embarrassing). So I wound up spending most of the rest of my time there doing nothing in particular, hoping that nobody would ask me what I had been reading. When I was done, I dropped the book off in the nearest publicly anonymous trash can. Yes - being caught with it would have proven quite embarrassing. It was *that* bad. I mean, I suppose it's possible that it got better (it couldn't have gotten much worse), but I certainly wasn't going to read enough to find out.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    @sprinkles... I wish I could use sex instead of a doctor!

    @kelric oh no! that reminds me of when I was spending a good 24 hours in drunk tank and the guards finally gave up and gave me a book after I'd spent 4 hours chipping the paint off of the walls... it was a terrible, terrible book about incestuous witches and it was so DETAILED about all of the sex that they were having... not the thing to read when you feel like you're going to die anyways! I ended up reading the worst parts out loud to my cell mates (a housewife and a nurse) so that we could make fun of it as a group and gag at it's horribleness

    sometimes you're better off NOT reading... seriously... space stds?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #5
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Tuesdays with Morrie.



    I got into a fight with my ENTiRE freshman health class about this book. It involved a senior football player standing up, bangin his desk and screaming at me. Another girl in hysterics. And me being removed from class.



    I just don't like it.

  6. #6
    Senior Member chatoyer's Avatar
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    Pillars of the Earth!!! I can't stand Ken Follett, he looks like a smug squirrel on the book jacket, he gives me the creeps! That book is full of anachronistic errors, cheap thriller aspects and stupid sex. What a waste of time.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Ayn Rand. All she wrote. Only books I ever burned.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I was bored at work earlier and pondering what could possibly be the absolute worst book anyone could possibly write and concluded that I'd come up with one of the possible worst books that could be written (and people would read it )

    A paranormal romance turned thriller about a suicidal woman who falls in love with death over the course of meeting him multiple times in her suicide attempts... eventually death is won over and they date for a while and do all kinds of delightful things like go meet dead celebrities in death's realm and see what they're up to these days and things of that sort... picnics in the moonlit graveyard and such... eventually the woman grows tired of death's cold embrace, because it's winter and she wants a man who can keep her warm on the long nights, so she breaks up with death!

    now death is pissed off, but since he still loves the woman he starts stalking her and killing things in her life... her goldfish die, the flowers in her planter die when he breathes on them while watching her through the window and finally when she decides that she's going to marry her human beau, death decides to turn on her! will the woman survive and live the rest of her happy life or will death get his vengeance?

    yeah... sounds TERRIBLE!
    Actually, I might consider adapting this into a screenplay.

  9. #9
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Ü View Post
    Actually, I might consider adapting this into a screenplay.
    I'm considering writing it down into novel form since it's become my intellectual pet over the course of the week... which would probably turn out rather odd since I don't read romance novels OR thrillers!
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I'm considering writing it down into novel form since it's become my intellectual pet over the course of the week... which would probably turn out rather odd since I don't read romance novels OR thrillers!
    This is precisely why you may just procure a work of genius.

    As for not reading thrillers, you've already created a single paragraph that is more thrilling than anything Stephanie Meyer conjured up.

    Perhaps innovation is born when people don't read.

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