Last two days were a dud. Besides it just being a lousy time for me (sick, still fixing my place, work is crazy, having to pick out all new insurance plans, dealing with my divorce, running the risk of financial bankruptcy, etc. -- things will be better in early 2013 for me!), I just didn't have a clear plot figured out along which to write. I needed some better prep, in order to produce more firmly.
However, I am making myself write as I get time. I don't expect to finish a draft by November 30, but I do expect to have completed some work on a draft and be much further along than before.
Once upon a time, I wanted to be a writer. And ten years ago, I was in a position where I was miserable and not really caring much about relationships, so a lot of my free time went into writing. I was also younger and more motivated to succeed. Then my entire life finally spiralled out of control and I couldn't accomplish anything realistically without taking care of myself first. That took the last five years of my life.
Now I'm in a position where I'm trying to write without having to be motivated by pain, escapism, or personal ambition. So I'm searching for my motivation.
I've finished one book (a church project, 35-40 daily lessons), and I finished a draft in 1996 with a friend for the first book in a fantasy series that we haven't been able to complete a second draft of. Which sucks badly, because it actually had a lot of potential. It's hard to write in tandem when you don't live near each other, and plot becomes convoluted. I find it sad. The characters were wonderful.
And those moments of transcendence, where I'm writing and the scene is leaping out of my fingers and my heart is rising like a balloon caught on a strong wind being blown straight toward the glorious transcendence of the ruddy sun, are the moments i live for. I think though that in writing (and in all of life, from what I've experienced), there is a lot of drudge work that you have to agree to in order to grab those moments of inspirational bliss. I've been thinking about it the last day, and it is JUST the way it is -- every relationship has its woodshedding and misery, every job has its detailed boring crap to get done in order to produce whatever it is that you are producing. Athletes suffer pain and deprive themselves in order to win a race. There is just a lot of blood, dirt, tears, and sweat involved so that you get those few moments of mountaintop experience.
And writing is no different. It's giving me a better perspective -- the drudge IS drudge, but if I do it, I'll eventually get to a good place, each time.