As some of you might now, I'm trying to write a book and get it published one day. But there is one problem: my name. I have a unpronounceable and unspellable hookername and I don't think many people would like to read a book from an Eastern European hooker, now would they? Anyways, I have already chosen a last name to use when I want to publish my stuff, and now all I want is a first name for my pseudonym. The things I demand for my pseudonym's first name:
- It should be masculine. Men sell more books than women and win more prizes, because people think they have a penis. So it would be a good thing if my pseudonym can make people think I have a penis.
- It should be pompous. Why? Because pompous names are funny enough to remember. Plus it makes the pseudonym more obviously an pseudonym.
- It should not be too American. I'm from the Netherlands and having a pompous American name is too pompous. I also don't want a too Dutch name, because I'd like to go global. So no Ephraim Horatio or IJsbrand Gijsbrecht (too bad I like IJsbrand).
- Evil sounding is a pro. And no, I'm not talking about Adolf, Castro or Lucifer, because that's too much evilness at the same time. It's okay if it's the name of a cartoon villain's pet. After all, I was named after my mother who was named after a cartoon, so I was named after a cartoon as well.
- It shouldn't start with a K.