I just found out that there are mens' derby teams. It's called- I kid you not- Merby. LOVE.
So I'm definitely going for it. I don't know how long it will take me to get good enough to actually skate in a bout because I am starting at a relatively pathetic level of fitness. (That's actually one of the biggest reasons I wanted to do this- along with "it's badass" and "oh my god it's SO BADASS.") The upside is that, although I'm not that fit, I'm actually not a terrible skater. And there is really no reason I could not become fit if I put in the work- there are women larger than me on the team already who kick serious tail.
Anyway, I'm in the "Fresh Meat" class and if I don't pass assessments by July, I can just join the next class and keep working on the basic skills until I can pass assessments. In the meantime, this has all but taken over my life and consciousness. I can't think of a name that I love. Tremenda Sass is fun and all, but when you say it out loud it really just sounds like you're saying Tremendous Ass. But on the other hand, my mother hates it, so that's a plus. Other ideas:
Death By Snu-Snu
The really sad thing is that my DJ name, Juice Box Hero, is already in use by another derby player, so I can't use it. Harumph.