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ed111
10-10-2008, 04:32 PM
I'm very attracted to an ENFP female, and I'm wondering firstly if she realises this and secondly if so, is she flirting with me? How perceptive are ENFPs at picking up signs of attraction from others, and typically how do you flirt?

BerberElla
10-10-2008, 04:37 PM
If an ENFP is into you you can't mistake it, I don't know any type who hunts their prey aswell as the ENFP. What they want they get, I've never been as pursued as when an ENFP fancied me, nor as swept off my feet.

I think that's the same with most ENFP's.

I'm pretty oblivious to signs of attraction from men, but I wasn't allowed to be oblivious to the ENFP.

Ah what fun that was lol.

mlittrell
10-10-2008, 04:40 PM
i pretty much never realize it when people are into me lol. but, like stated above, if an ENFP is into someone, watch out.

PinkIceTD
10-10-2008, 04:54 PM
I think ENFP females are pretty aware if someone is into them. I am.

BUt yeah if she's into you, you will def know it.

Angry Ayrab
10-10-2008, 05:59 PM
You would have to smack me in the face and say I am into you.

Clownmaster
10-10-2008, 06:03 PM
i pretty much never realize it when people are into me lol. but, like stated above, if an ENFP is into someone, watch out.

QFT

For being so great at reading people, I have a lot of trouble judging how into me somebody is. I can know that they like me a lot, but I can't decipher if its romance or not unless its blatantly obvious.

RiderOnTheStorm
10-10-2008, 06:07 PM
If an ENFP is into you you can't mistake it, I don't know any type who hunts their prey aswell as the ENFP. What they want they get, I've never been as pursued as when an ENFP fancied me, nor as swept off my feet.

I think that's the same with most ENFP's.


Ain't it the truth :laugh:

When I am in pursuit I will let it be known. Charming words and kind gestures. Even more so than usual. I will go out of my way for the catch. I usually get what I am after ;)

Also, I am definitely aware when someone is interested in me 100%.

SillyGoose
10-10-2008, 06:09 PM
Yeah, pretty much all of the above. No idea when someone is into me, in thaaaat :heart: way.

And "is she flirting with me?" that one is a toughie. I've been told that I flirt with everyone. I know that I do tend to withdraw when I like someone, that's my way of flirting I guess :)

ed111
10-10-2008, 06:25 PM
She has told me she likes me but I'm not sure how to interpret that, I think it was meant more in a respectful way. I haven't been overt in flirting with her at all: I've just shown interest in her occasionally, tried to be funny (she laughs at my jokes). I have noticed that when I did imply she was quite clever she seemed to be really pleased (I was a little suprised at her response and how excited she became).

Angry Ayrab
10-10-2008, 06:30 PM
Just do it, ask her for a cup of joe or a bagel. Worst case scenario is a flaky no.

phoenix13
10-10-2008, 06:32 PM
If an ENFP is into you you can't mistake it, I don't know any type who hunts their prey aswell as the ENFP. What they want they get, I've never been as pursued as when an ENFP fancied me, nor as swept off my feet.

I think that's the same with most ENFP's.

I'm pretty oblivious to signs of attraction from men, but I wasn't allowed to be oblivious to the ENFP.

Ah what fun that was lol.
:huh: No friggin' way! ... some ENFPs *cough* have a hard time telling whether or not they like someone, let alone whether the beloved can tell... Furthermore, personally, when I try to flirt, I end up acting as I normally do (ie, silly, teasing) OR I act completely different, and get quiet and awkward. How could someone interpret that?! There's just no way! *whew*


Yeah, pretty much all of the above. No idea when someone is into me, in thaaaat :heart: way.

And "is she flirting with me?" that one is a toughie. I've been told that I flirt with everyone. I know that I do tend to withdraw when I like someone, that's my way of flirting I guess :)

ditto.

SillyGoose
10-10-2008, 06:35 PM
LOL, phoenix.

I don't even know HOW to flirt.

Rachelinpa
10-10-2008, 06:42 PM
if she's into you, you will def know it.

Agreed.

SillyGoose
10-10-2008, 06:47 PM
Hehe, this is interesting..clash of the ENFP's :smile:

Curious, the ones who say their crush will know it....do they get the remarks from others that they look like they flirt with everyone?

PinkIceTD
10-11-2008, 03:32 AM
Yeah be prepared for lots of excitement

PinkIceTD
10-11-2008, 03:36 AM
Hehe, this is interesting..clash of the ENFP's :smile:

Curious, the ones who say their crush will know it....do they get the remarks from others that they look like they flirt with everyone?

NOt really, but my friends have thought that I was into someone when I really wasn't. I was just being nice.

animenagai
10-11-2008, 03:53 AM
ok here's my pattern. i will start off with phoenix's mindset, asking 'who do i like better' 'do i really like her' etc. to infinitum. meanwhile, when i actually see the girl i'll just be my usual self, being friendly and all. the sad thing is that i can never tell if someone likes me. never. maybe i can see the signs but then i ask things like 'o but what if they're just being a good friend?'. the result of all this is i simply do nothing while i'm in this state of confusion.

if and when i finally convince/brainwash myself that i like the girl, i get OBSESSED by it. sad thing is by that time A) that chick has already lost interest in me B) my non-response has driven her away or C) the reason we see each other eg. class is no longer present. if C is not met and i still see her all the time, i tell her. the results usually are not good.

so my advice is, if you like the enfp and you don't know if they like you back, just tell her. make the courting obvious and lead the way. i like the INTJ - ENFP combination anyways, so go for it :D.

Lizzy1813
10-11-2008, 03:58 AM
LOL...I'm highly aware of when I suspect someone of liking me, but when I have any strong feelings for someone else, I definately go into act-as-quiet-as-you-possibly-can-but-not-too-quiet-or-your-friends-will-catch-on mode. :peepwall:

kyuuei
10-11-2008, 04:02 AM
Not to be mistaken, I have had the frequent problem of my kinder-than-normal-people's gestures being mistaken for romance, when I had not any of that in mind. The very few tiems I've persued a man it's never been mistaken as anything but.. even the oblivious ones will be told by friends "You're a blind (insert crazy word here) if you can't tell she's into you!!" and end up asking me. I *could* just say it outright... but whats the fun in that?

Jeffster
10-11-2008, 04:18 AM
I dunno. In my case, I woke up one morning and she was sleeping on my floor.

SillyGoose
10-11-2008, 04:22 AM
Maybe my P is just huge, but a lot of the times I don't even know that I like someone like thaaaat. Until they told me and then I think about it :)

Jeffster, if you had those bewbies I'd be seriously tempted to take a nap on them. As a very straight woman, they look very comfortable.

animenagai
10-11-2008, 04:25 AM
Maybe my P is just huge

:rofl1:

i am so mature :shock:

Angry Ayrab
10-11-2008, 06:03 AM
Shout out from the male enfp side... Everyone thinks I am a flirt, I ain't... I am just nice. God damn you people, since when was complementing someone on their looks flirting. Anyway, I also turn into a wierd silent nervous wreck if I am interested in someone.

Just like pheonix put it, how the hell is someone going to be able to interpret it. They can't.

I have one good thing for you though, your an INTJ, and for some reason, alot of us are into you guys... myself included. :)

animenagai
10-11-2008, 06:12 AM
Shout out from the male enfp side... Everyone thinks I am a flirt, I ain't... I am just nice. God damn you people, since when was complementing someone on their looks flirting. Anyway, I also turn into a wierd silent nervous wreck if I am interested in someone.

Just like pheonix put it, how the hell is someone going to be able to interpret it. They can't.

I have one good thing for you though, your an INTJ, and for some reason, alot of us are into you guys... myself included. :)

man don't you just wish you can be yourself plus a bit more style when attracted to someone? that's where i am. the chicks who i am interested in (by the time i'm sure of it) don't get attracted to me. when i'm being a friend though, some chicks do. o the irony.

Angry Ayrab
10-11-2008, 06:14 AM
man don't you just wish you can be yourself plus a bit more style when attracted to someone? that's where i am. the chicks who i am interested in (by the time i'm sure of it) don't get attracted to me. when i'm being a friend though, some chicks do. o the irony.

We need some shaken not stirred james bond lessons.

Only problem there is we would feel fake.

animenagai
10-11-2008, 06:16 AM
We need some shaken not stirred james bond lessons.

Only problem there is we would feel fake.

:steam:

and people say that we're good flirts? good god.

entropie
10-11-2008, 06:24 AM
I dunno. In my case, I woke up one morning and she was sleeping on my floor.

haha, you stole the answer, I just now had in mind :D

Angry Ayrab
10-11-2008, 08:11 AM
haha, you stole the answer, I just now had in mind :D

For some reason, I believe that ENTP's would behave in a similar manner.

niffer
10-11-2008, 08:21 AM
Hah, I can always tell if someone is into me almost immediately. It's all about body language and tone of voice.

When I like someone though, I'm always pretty subtle about it. I might occasionally do things that get them to consider that I might be into them,- let the thought pop into their heads when they least expect it.

placebo
10-11-2008, 03:43 PM
It's funny when they think you don't know but it's so obvious.

ed111
10-11-2008, 07:06 PM
Thanks for the responses. I suppose there's a very good chance she knows that I like her, and I think she's probably subtly flirting with me. I'll just keep being nice to her and see what happens :)

Little Linguist
10-11-2008, 07:16 PM
Okay, granted, I'm not a 'normal' ENFP, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

When I am attracted to someone, I get really shy, actually. I get nervous. Usually. Inside I'm bursting but I'm afraid to let it show. Sometimes, as a result, I can seem almost callous although I am not usually like that.

Once I've gotten over the initial shyness, however, I tend to be back to my ENFP self. Especially when I feel really comfy with someone.

What was funny about meeting my husband was that I never felt this awkward shyness - at all. I attribute it to not 'looking' for someone at the time, and just being 'natural.' :cool:

Sheesh, reading this over, it doesn't make any sense at all. :blush: Ahhh, just ignore me.

Clownmaster
10-14-2008, 05:34 AM
new conclusion:

ENFPs over-analyze feelings of potential romance, possibly to the point of destroying the potential romance through not acting on a whim when the time was right.

animenagai
10-14-2008, 06:59 AM
new conclusion:

ENFPs over-analyze feelings of potential romance, possibly to the point of destroying the potential romance through not acting on a whim when the time was right.

and this is a new conclusion how? :D

Clownmaster
10-14-2008, 05:51 PM
my new conclusion:

fixed

better now? :P

Twixt
10-14-2008, 07:04 PM
some ENFPs *cough* have a hard time telling whether or not they like someone, let alone whether the beloved can tell... Furthermore, personally, when I try to flirt, I end up acting as I normally do (ie, silly, teasing) OR I act completely different, and get quiet and awkward. How could someone interpret that?! There's just no way! *whew*

Me too.


a lot of the times I don't even know that I like someone like thaaaat. Until they told me and then I think about it

Yes!! I practically never consider anyone romantically until they express an interest in me. Then i could get really into them. But then again, maybe not.


Its really weird because all ENFP descriptions have us tagged as "extremely perceptive and intuitive about people", because I frankly NEVER have any idea whether or not a person is romantically interested in me. You have to blare it with a trumpet before i realise, ie. state your interest explicitly so there's no other way i can (wrongly) analyse it.

Generally, I do a lot of research on people I'm 'into'. For one, I try to figure out their MBTI type. This occasionally comes up when we talk - if I show an interest in analysing your personality type, it could mean i'm romantically into you (or it could mean i'm trying to figure out if it'd be a good idea for me to be into you. i'll be trying to look out for potential pitfalls before committing anything.)

ed111
10-16-2008, 07:56 AM
I saw the ENFP in question this morning with an ESFP friend and she was literally hiding from me. She put herself behind someone else and a pillar. Is she being really shy or is this avoidance?

SillySapienne
10-16-2008, 08:00 AM
I saw the ENFP in question this morning with an ESFP friend and she was literally hiding from me. She put herself behind someone else and a pillar. Is she being really shy or is this avoidance?
She is being avoidant.

SillySapienne
10-16-2008, 08:03 AM
When I see someone from afar whom I do not want to actually see, i.e. interact with, I literally hide, or book it in the opposite direction.

Sorry. :/

SillySapienne
10-16-2008, 08:09 AM
And to answer the OP, if an ENFP likes you, she will treat you differently.

Like duck, duck, goose. Where you are the goose, of course. ;)

Angry Ayrab
10-16-2008, 08:16 AM
And to answer the OP, if an ENFP likes you, she will treat you differently.

Like duck, duck, goose. Where you are the goose, of course. ;)

I think that is the best answer out there. If they react to you differently than everyone else, it usually means that you make them self conscience or your creeping the shit out of them.

ed111
10-16-2008, 12:55 PM
She is being avoidant.

You would think that, but she was with friends at the time when she was hiding. Later on today she waited to speak to me on my own for a while and is giving me lots of eye contact.

Could this be an example of her behaving differently around me?

SillySapienne
10-16-2008, 01:48 PM
You would think that, but she was with friends at the time when she was hiding. Later on today she waited to speak to me on my own for a while and is giving me lots of eye contact.

Could this be an example of her behaving differently around me?
Perhaps.

How old is she?

And, um, how sure are you that she in an ENFP?

ed111
10-16-2008, 01:58 PM
Perhaps.

How old is she?

And, um, how sure are you that she in an ENFP?

She is only young (19 I think), and I know she's an ENFP because she's taken the test (and from other things that she's said like how she has difficulty concentrating on one subject, has a wide range of interests from computing to drama, makes friends easily etc).

SillySapienne
10-16-2008, 02:00 PM
Ahh, then you might still have a solid chance, buddy!!!

ed111
10-16-2008, 02:08 PM
Ahh, then you might still have a solid chance, buddy!!!

Thanks, but I'm not sure whether she's dating someone and I'm very cautious about approaching her directly. I'm happy to just flirt with her and calculate that it will get to the point where it will be so obvious to both of us that nature will take it's course.

BlownAway
10-16-2008, 07:08 PM
I can never tell if someone is into me, they have to be extremely obvious (like I am..puppy dog :D). But, don't wait too long with an ENFP!!!! Pleeeeease...we want action ;). Just go for it!

PinkIceTD
10-16-2008, 09:25 PM
And to answer the OP, if an ENFP likes you, she will treat you differently.

Like duck, duck, goose. Where you are the goose, of course. ;)

best damn simile ever to describe it.:yes:

PinkIceTD
10-16-2008, 09:26 PM
I can never tell if someone is into me, they have to be extremely obvious (like I am..puppy dog :D). But, don't wait too long with an ENFP!!!! Pleeeeease...we want action ;). Just go for it!

yeah...if you wait too long we get impatient and once its gone its gone.

ConchShell
10-16-2008, 10:03 PM
"And to answer the OP, if an ENFP likes you, she will treat you differently.
Like duck, duck, goose. Where you are the goose, of course."

Brilliant answer and surely correct with regards to how I behave.

ed111
10-17-2008, 12:52 PM
The situation has become hyptothetical now as I've discovered today that she has a boyfriend ... arrghh.

My only hope is that she doesn't stay in the relationship long after it's died else I could be waiting a long time: although to be fair they looked happy together... oh well...

Angry Ayrab
10-17-2008, 01:23 PM
The situation has become hyptothetical now as I've discovered today that she has a boyfriend ... arrghh.

My only hope is that she doesn't stay in the relationship long after it's died else I could be waiting a long time: although to be fair they looked happy together... oh well...

Ouch, sorry to hear that bro.

Good luck with it, and don't forget rule #1 in the gentleman's guide to finding a good girl: Thou shalt do thine own research before pursuing.

Personally, I recommend you skip that and follow rule #1 of the players guide: Tap it any way you find it dog...

just kidding.

You know, asking her if a rag smells like chloroform to her is usually a sure fire pick up line.


I kid I kid. I am just trying to cheer you up. :hug:

Maabus1999
10-17-2008, 04:13 PM
From my experience. Some are shy. Some are forward.

To my male friend, in the end it is going to be how much of a challenge you are to her world. In fact this applies to almost all women.

Ironically, this is very hard for guys to apply. I still make mistakes that can drive a girls interest down related to this. Best is to live and learn, and try...and yes as an INTJ I can relate how hard that can be with the calculating.

Actually I could go into this for some time, but I don't want to derail the thread. However the last time I tried opening up to an ENFP, even though she wanted to get through my wall (basically told it to me directly to drop the wall), her interest level apparently crashed...big time. I have been "consoled" when I do my head scratching later that she may have been immature or in a bad "manipulative" state by other older ENFP's but yeah, she basically proved to me that ENFP's can be just like every other women and some are not as "tolerant" or "different" then others when it comes to the whole "challenge" argument.

I would just approach it geniunely how you feel but keep her a distance (i.e. dont rush into it fast or you may burn through it too fast) by not seeing her all the time for awhile(maybe a date every 7-10 days, avoid her by being busy after that. Even if you have to reorganize your sock drawer!) . You will know quickly know if she is interested in you (because she will slowly be coming after you since you are staying a far) or not by pulling back. I know some will disagree with me here though;)

ed111
10-17-2008, 04:50 PM
Ouch, sorry to hear that bro.

Good luck with it, and don't forget rule #1 in the gentleman's guide to finding a good girl: Thou shalt do thine own research before pursuing.

Personally, I recommend you skip that and follow rule #1 of the players guide: Tap it any way you find it dog...

just kidding.

You know, asking her if a rag smells like chloroform to her is usually a sure fire pick up line.


I kid I kid. I am just trying to cheer you up. :hug:


I will be tapping it any way I find it hehe . Now I've seen the guy I don't feel so bad: he's not a stud muffin and I'm sure he can't be as smart as me? Is that possible? [joke]. On a more modest note he's probably a lot more charming and charismatic than an INTJ fellow could ever dream of being.

I'm glad I found out she had a boyfriend before I made a move on her: that would have been a disaster.

By the way, I made a decision this morning based on the roll of a dice: e.g. should I make a move. I gave myself a number of options and rolled a 1: do nothing. I rolled again to make sure: 1 again. FATE!

Neo Genesis
10-17-2008, 06:01 PM
From my experience. Some are shy. Some are forward.

To my male friend, in the end it is going to be how much of a challenge you are to her world. In fact this applies to almost all women.

Ironically, this is very hard for guys to apply. I still make mistakes that can drive a girls interest down related to this. Best is to live and learn, and try...and yes as an INTJ I can relate how hard that can be with the calculating.

Actually I could go into this for some time, but I don't want to derail the thread. However the last time I tried opening up to an ENFP, even though she wanted to get through my wall (basically told it to me directly to drop the wall), her interest level apparently crashed...big time. I have been "consoled" when I do my head scratching later that she may have been immature or in a bad "manipulative" state by other older ENFP's but yeah, she basically proved to me that ENFP's can be just like every other women and some are not as "tolerant" or "different" then others when it comes to the whole "challenge" argument.

I would just approach it geniunely how you feel but keep her a distance (i.e. dont rush into it fast or you may burn through it too fast) by not seeing her all the time for awhile(maybe a date every 7-10 days, avoid her by being busy after that. Even if you have to reorganize your sock drawer!) . You will know quickly know if she is interested in you (because she will slowly be coming after you since you are staying a far) or not by pulling back. I know some will disagree with me here though;)

Its funny, I've never actually bought into the "challenge" theory. It seems to me that women respond much more favorably to confidence and humor than to anything else. But, hey, whatever works right. ;)


On a more modest note he's probably a lot more charming and charismatic than an INTJ fellow could ever dream of being.

Why would you ever think that?! Haven't you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Prime example right there.

Maabus1999
10-17-2008, 06:22 PM
Its funny, I've never actually bought into the "challenge" theory. It seems to me that women respond much more favorably to confidence and humor than to anything else. But, hey, whatever works right. ;)



Why would you ever think that?! Haven't you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Prime example right there.

There are three principles for a guy to maintain with a girl (plus keeping yourself in shape never hurts for the "first" impression):

confidence
self control
challenge

If I were to psychoanalyze myself: confidence post first meeting no problem, self control is no problem except in a few cases where something gets under my skin (and I become more INFJ like suddenly too), and third challenge, gotta keep practicing as I can preach and coach it very well with others, but the Se part makes it a failure at times. Booo at self traits!

ThatsWhatHeSaid
10-17-2008, 06:29 PM
You should try try socializing. I hear it improves social skills.

/asshole

ed111
10-17-2008, 06:37 PM
There are three principles for a guy to maintain with a girl (plus keeping yourself in shape never hurts for the "first" impression):

confidence
self control
challenge

If I were to psychoanalyze myself: confidence post first meeting no problem, self control is no problem except in a few cases where something gets under my skin (and I become more INFJ like suddenly too), and third challenge, gotta keep practicing as I can preach and coach it very well with others, but the Se part makes it a failure at times. Booo at self traits!

Confidence is not an issue with me. I know exactly who I am and what I'm capable of. I have to be careful to restrain my confidence, to ensure that I tone down my statements. There is a quote I very much like from a UK TV show called Holby city (a hospital drama) in which the head surgeon states, "there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance: a line I walk every day". I feel that way too.

I like to show emotion, but only occasionally in flashes. Other than that I do typically have a very stern expression on my face. I have been described in the past as looking like I want to kill someone, and was constantly told to 'cheer up' in my youth. The comedian Bill Hicks summed this up:

To Bill: "Hey buddy, you know it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile?"
Bill: "Oh yeah? Well, you know, it takes more energy to say that than it does to leave me alone. So why don't you go away, so I can really start fuckin' smiling?"

Challenge? As in challenge ideas and the status-quo? Question opinions, theories, beliefs. Again, this is something I have to restrain as it can tend to annoy people.

Maabus1999
10-17-2008, 06:44 PM
Confidence is not an issue with me. I know exactly who I am and what I'm capable of. I have to be careful to restrain my confidence, to ensure that I tone down my statements. There is a quote I very much like from a UK TV show called Holby city (a hospital drama) in which the head surgeon states, "there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance: a line I walk every day". I feel that way too.

I like to show emotion, but only occasionally in flashes. Other than that I do typically have a very stern expression on my face. I have been described in the past as looking like I want to kill someone, and was constantly told to 'cheer up' in my youth. The comedian Bill Hicks summed this up:

To Bill: "Hey buddy, you know it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile?"
Bill: "Oh yeah? Well, you know, it takes more energy to say that than it does to leave me alone. So why don't you go away, so I can really start fuckin' smiling?"

Challenge? As in challenge ideas and the status-quo? Question opinions, theories, beliefs. Again, this is something I have to restrain as it can tend to annoy people.

Dont mistake INTJ arrogant confidence for the same confidence women look at...it will trap you.

For self control, do you have jealousy or aggressive over tone towards other guys if they hit on a girl you like?

Challenge...HA! We have a lot to discuss young ed111 san. Think of the "game" guys and girls play in relationship building, and past the immaturities of it, you'll see some hints on what challenge is.

kiddykat
10-17-2008, 08:53 PM
I don't know about other female ENFPs, I didn't read the previous messages. When I like a guy, I tend to:

1. :run: Get coy. Smile a lot, blush, but shy away and walk the other direction.

2. Be in denial if a guy likes me. I play it off. Other times, I'm pretty aloof/really don't try to think much about it, because in my experiences, guys who really like a girl will flat out say it/do the chasing.

3. Not act like myself around him. I find that the more I like a guy, the more self-aware I tend to be, which isn't good. That's why I tend to be more comfy around guys I don't like and have no worries about being totally care-free/myself around them.

If I don't like a guy, I find that I'm extra friendly, extra playful, cheery and completely 'Me' around them. I feel more at ease, which isn't too good, because it sends an unintented vibes that get misinterpreted. If I like a guy, it's a different story. It's puzzling.:doh:

If there's suspicion she's into you, test the waters a bit. Do a little playful teasing. See how she reacts. If she's feeling it, then she'll at least smile. If she's not feeling it, she'll show slight dissonance by her unresponsiveness. That's how I work. G'Luck! ;D

ed111
10-17-2008, 09:12 PM
Dont mistake INTJ arrogant confidence for the same confidence women look at...it will trap you.

For self control, do you have jealousy or aggressive over tone towards other guys if they hit on a girl you like?

Challenge...HA! We have a lot to discuss young ed111 san. Think of the "game" guys and girls play in relationship building, and past the immaturities of it, you'll see some hints on what challenge is.

I've learned just to be myself ... I know I'm a nice guy so I'm sure that will come out if people get to know me. I know that I annoy people with my arrogant demeanour. I find it strange that they don't realise how I see myself as being someone who realises his limitations, and is aware of his own insignificance in the world.

I don't feel aggression towards others. I'm quite philosophical, even defeatest when girls get hit on. It's something I've grown used to.

AgentF
12-23-2010, 03:18 AM
I saw the ENFP in question this morning with an ESFP friend and she was literally hiding from me. She put herself behind someone else and a pillar. Is she being really shy or is this avoidance?

she is overwhelmed by her feelings and is avoiding having to show you them.

the state i am in
12-25-2010, 02:16 AM
yeah...if you wait too long we get impatient and once its gone its gone.

is this universally true across the board? so far the thread seems extremely diffuse and inconsistent, but it makes sense because 7w6 and 7w8 enfps are so different, as are so/sx, sx/so, and so/sp subtypes. why does it go so easily? does it come back in the right situation? do you have to process it in a way that rationalizes it away to make it disappear, or do you just pop up in a different place and the relevancy factor of the other situation is now so far away that it would take too long to make your way back to that story that it just doesn't seem feasible? like you have to swim against the current of experience to access the Fi case files and open them up again. is there a noticeable difference or distinction you make between people who would easily be tabled and disappear and those who do not disappear so easily?


she is overwhelmed by her feelings and is avoiding having to show you them.

what are tell-tale signs that show this? is there any consistency on the exterior surface in terms of behavior, strategy, fear response, reasons for avoidance, etc, or is it just up to the particular situation and the experiences each one of you has had to guess at what you enfps would do in the story given?

Marmotini
12-25-2010, 02:22 AM
Very easily. An ENFP who is into you will gush at you and hug you and love you and lust after you and possibly stalk you.

An ENFP who is merely nice, kind, chatty, or friendly either just likes you as a friend or may be using you for sex.

Lily flower
12-26-2010, 01:27 AM
Yeah, pretty much all of the above. No idea when someone is into me, in thaaaat :heart: way.

And "is she flirting with me?" that one is a toughie. I've been told that I flirt with everyone. I know that I do tend to withdraw when I like someone, that's my way of flirting I guess :)

I have heard both ENFP's and ENFJ's say they withdraw when they are into someone. Why is that? Are you afraid they will know? Insecure? Need time to think? Is there a point where you go from withdrawn to assertive or pursuing the relationship?

mmhmm
12-26-2010, 08:32 AM
I have heard both ENFP's and ENFJ's say they withdraw when they are into someone. Why is that? Are you afraid they will know? Insecure? Need time to think? Is there a point where you go from withdrawn to assertive or pursuing the relationship?

if i really admire them, like... completely fascinated by them,
i become very, very casual. it'll be very hard for me to be silly
around them at first. sometimes going slow is just the best way.
need to come out in small dosages.

i'm more impulsive for stuff i can tell straight off the bat that it
is probably best for a short term thing.
won't miss it when i go away.

animenagai
12-26-2010, 11:40 AM
I have heard both ENFP's and ENFJ's say they withdraw when they are into someone. Why is that? Are you afraid they will know? Insecure? Need time to think? Is there a point where you go from withdrawn to assertive or pursuing the relationship?

Because believe it or not, we're shy. We don't want to scare you away. The perfectionist in us doesn't want to miss the opportunity, but we don't want to scare you away either (something that can quite easily be achieved), so we get awkward :blush:.

Marmotini
12-26-2010, 11:49 AM
is this universally true across the board? so far the thread seems extremely diffuse and inconsistent, but it makes sense because 7w6 and 7w8 enfps are so different, as are so/sx, sx/so, and so/sp subtypes. why does it go so easily? does it come back in the right situation?

There are actually not universal truths, and I know I can feel very different from Enneagram 7 ENFPs when it comes to relationships - this whole attitude "well you better catch the train before it goes" and "if I'm not feeling it I split" - seems to be more common with ENFPs who are 7s.

I noticed that there are two ENFP females on this board who are 4s who I relate to in that A) they are more intense or devoted with their feelings and B) tend to be the stereotypical ENFP female who naturally will intiate or pursue if she has interest.

I do actually relate to some of these people talking about being shy in the beginning or not wanting to mess things up, trying to plot things out more, but I tend to be pretty expressive of my feelings which is what I was half-jokingly getting at when I said an ENFP will stalk you when they're into you. I think ENFPs are one of the more obvious types, though many do not agree since they think ENFPs equally flirt with everyone.

I've even gotten this before in vent, "Marm, you flirt with everyone." It's weird, because I feel inside like it's so obvious who I'm really flirting with and who I'm just being friendly toward. At least it's not as bad as when I was in high school and totally oblivious to how my behavior affected others.

the state i am in
12-26-2010, 09:51 PM
what is the risk of maintaining normal enfp silliness? when you are more invested or know, briefly, what you want, it's easier for the e1 side to start cutting you down if you make mistakes? that your e7 strategy of keeping many possibilities open and not getting too attached to any is starting to close or constrict, and within that smaller space, there is much more risk of getting stuck/trapped in something painful and surging up with repressed critical negative thoughts + emotions? especially as directed at the self?

Lauren
12-27-2010, 12:08 AM
is this universally true across the board? so far the thread seems extremely diffuse and inconsistent, but it makes sense because 7w6 and 7w8 enfps are so different, as are so/sx, sx/so, and so/sp subtypes. why does it go so easily? does it come back in the right situation? do you have to process it in a way that rationalizes it away to make it disappear, or do you just pop up in a different place and the relevancy factor of the other situation is now so far away that it would take too long to make your way back to that story that it just doesn't seem feasible? like you have to swim against the current of experience to access the Fi case files and open them up again. is there a noticeable difference or distinction you make between people who would easily be tabled and disappear and those who do not disappear so easily?



what are tell-tale signs that show this? is there any consistency on the exterior surface in terms of behavior, strategy, fear response, reasons for avoidance, etc, or is it just up to the particular situation and the experiences each one of you has had to guess at what you enfps would do in the story given?

I don't go away easily at all, if it's someone I care for a great deal and I have a sixth sense that it's something very special. And, if the person has shown me that he feels the same way. I'm very patient with the process. If you find that you feel you're falling in love, the feelings can be disturbing because they are so intense. If I fall for someone, it's because I feel, strongly, that it's being recriprocated. If the person (this has only happened in one instance) has a girlfriend and they are showing a strong and unmistakable response to me, then I'll wait and see if the two of us decide we want each other and if it is as strong as I perceived it to be. The SPs I've known have been much more up front about pursuing me. A fellow NF or NT: much like me in that they express feelings nonverbally and are much more sensitive to possible rejection or verbal expression of feelings.

I trust my intuition when it comes to men who I feel very strongly about. I'm not one to just say: that's it, I'm done, unless the other person has shown extreme inconsistency and if they cross a certain line, which is for me, ridicule or disrespect. But I tend to like, very much, the men I fall in love with. I like them first. Friendship means a lot to me. And truth. I may love someone body and soul, but at heart, they are my friend. That's what, in the end, lasts.

HotpinkHeatwave
12-27-2010, 03:30 AM
When someone is interested in me, I know almost immediately. I can just tell by the way they look at me, and the way they act. Their interest is genuine, and they kind of have a wide-eyed, curious, (maybe even deer-in-the-headlights) gaze. And if they're not admiring/showing interest quietly, it's rather obvious when they're flirting bluntly.

I'm really cocky with the people that i'm attracted to. I'll insult you playfully, or just have really witty comebacks. If you can be just as cocky and witty, you'll have me intrigued.

I think most ENFPs are really warm towards the people they like.. They might be openly affectionate, verbally and physically.

And if they make an effort to contact YOU and see YOU, that's a sign that they probably like you.. At least a little.

Onceajoan
12-27-2010, 04:38 AM
The situation has become hyptothetical now as I've discovered today that she has a boyfriend ... arrghh.

My only hope is that she doesn't stay in the relationship long after it's died else I could be waiting a long time: although to be fair they looked happy together... oh well...

How about saying to her, "It's too bad you have a boyfriend... because I really wanted to ask you out. Oh well..."

I think that's an innocent enough of a comment - wanting to go out with her. You're not risking rejection because it's hypothetical. If she does break up with her boyfriend, she might keep you in mind.

Lauren
12-27-2010, 11:40 AM
When someone is interested in me, I know almost immediately. I can just tell by the way they look at me, and the way they act. Their interest is genuine, and they kind of have a wide-eyed, curious, (maybe even deer-in-the-headlights) gaze. And if they're not admiring/showing interest quietly, it's rather obvious when they're flirting bluntly.


Absolutely. Same here. I can always tell. I usually become very quiet and awkward if I'm attracted to someone. I'll ask questions and listen generally. It puts me at ease. I'll also touch the person lightly or move into their body space. I also don't want to scare someone off, almost to the point where I think they can't tell that I'm really interested. But if I get a clear sign (touching, obvious looks), then I'll usually be brave enough to make a more definitive move, if they don't do so first.

I agree with Onceajoan that an innocent remark like that might be the way to go if you're interested in someone who has a girfriend/boyfriend. If they are showing interest in you, that may be a sign that the other relationship is not wholly satisfying to them.

Rex
12-27-2010, 12:45 PM
Soo... how do i see the difference from a manipulation attemt? Last time i meet a ENFP i knew it quickly but that was spesial. I was already on Guard. She did touch me ligthly and asked quiestions. Big fat smile on her face.

I confirmed it. by observing that she did what i expected. she left for her table and friends and was sitting there smiling and staring at me. I smiled back, feeling good because i had foreseen it, took a big glass of water and left the bar.

She had a magical stare and she knew it.

Marmotini
01-03-2011, 04:51 AM
Soo... how do i see the difference from a manipulation attemt? Last time i meet a ENFP i knew it quickly but that was spesial. I was already on Guard. She did touch me ligthly and asked quiestions. Big fat smile on her face.

I confirmed it. by observing that she did what i expected. she left for her table and friends and was sitting there smiling and staring at me. I smiled back, feeling good because i had foreseen it, took a big glass of water and left the bar.

She had a magical stare and she knew it.

This sounds paranoid. I'd doubt an ENFP would stare at you if she didn't like you. She might talk and giggle and be friendly, but not stare. :huh:

Poki
01-03-2011, 06:19 AM
Just watch them and listen, its pretty obvious, not just in if they are interested, but in what ways and why.

Rex
01-03-2011, 09:34 AM
This sounds paranoid. I'd doubt an ENFP would stare at you if she didn't like you. She might talk and giggle and be friendly, but not stare. :huh:



She did take the beer and left. And she did kinda end the conversation.

Poki post your MBTI result.

Marmotini
01-03-2011, 09:36 AM
Sure your not biased because your a ENFP?

She did take the beer and left remember. And she did kinda end the conversation.

Poki post your MBTI result.

If she kept staring at you after she took the beer and left, though, then she probably expected you to pursue her, then.

If she was just using you for a drink I don't know why she would stare at you even after she got what she wanted.

I try to be objective, because I like INTJs (and wished to god they came with a manual, thank god for INTJforum, but it's too little, and probably too late) and I'm sure some women are bitches who are using you for beer.

I'm just saying in my experience I don't stare at men I've manipulated to other ends.

Rex
01-03-2011, 10:35 AM
If she kept staring at you after she took the beer and left, though, then she probably expected you to pursue her, then.

If she was just using you for a drink I don't know why she would stare at you even after she got what she wanted.

That is a possibility.

Next time will tell as im pretty sure i will see her again.

skylights
01-05-2011, 10:23 PM
duck duck goose. :yes:

if you're attentive, you can tell by my voice...

INTP
01-05-2011, 10:40 PM
duck duck goose. :yes:

if you're attentive, you can tell by my voice...

what about if im hearing that, but cant believe my ears? or in other words, im only 99.9% sure im hearing you right, but i want to be 100% sure

skylights
01-05-2011, 10:58 PM
hm. well, this is potentially only a personal thing, but try to schedule some kind of meeting time with me in the far future. if you're top of my priority list, i'll pin things down with you immediately. if you're not... then i'm not so fast to make dates...

also try to get me to do something really unpleasant to me. if i do it anyway then it's a good sign i like you a lot. or just something like leaving a social gathering, just the two of you - if i don't really like you that much, i'll be hesitant to leave everyone, but if i really like you, then i'll hop up immediately.

getting physically close might be a good indicator as well. if the ENFP is receptive, push it a little further, and further.

i hate to tell you this but if you want 100% confirmation you're probably gonna have to ask.