Ask An ENTJ

[fidelia]

EJCC was kind enough to offer to answer some questions that other types had about ESTJs and also invited others of her type to join. It was quite helpful, and I think also brought up some interesting considerations in common areas of miscommunication and how to deal with them.

I have asked DiscoBiscuit to do the same for people wondering about ENTJs because the Iceman and the Child thread he started brought up some interesting similarities and differences. If any other ENTJs want to join in answering, they are most welcome. If you people think that there are enough similarities, let's expand it to all NTJs.

I'll start it off with some questions and people may add or expound (and expand) as they like.

1) Both ENTJs and ESTJs tend to like being in charge and people sometimes mistake them. What are the main things that distinguish the two types from each other?

2) What earns your respect the most?

3) How do you feel/what do you do when people are emotional around you?

4) Would you say you are confident through and through or is it more just the impression that the people around you have? Do you have much inner self-doubt or insecurity?

5) If someone was going to give you a compliment or someone was going to recognize you for something, what would you feel greatest about being complimented on and what form would that recognition take?

6) What would you most want people to know about who you are or what is important to you?

[Kangirl]

1) Both ENTJs and ESTJs tend to like being in charge and people sometimes mistake them. What are the main things that distinguish the two types from each other?

ENTJs are awesomer. It's obvious. :cheese:

2) What earns your respect the most?

A person who can admit being wrong and/or admit vulnerability.

3) How do you feel/what do you do when people are emotional around you?

Depends. If I feel it's something WORTH getting emotional over, I feel bad for them and will try to help. If I think someone's throwing a fit or behaving inappropriately (i.e. getting all emotional around a group of strangers) it just makes me think they're an emotionally incontinent type and I feel vaguely embarrassed - for them and for me, having to witness it.

4) Would you say you are confident through and through or is it more just the impression that the people around you have? Do you have much inner self-doubt or insecurity?

I'd say it's more the impression - of me, anyway. I'd say my insecurity levels are about normal (i.e. I definitely HAVE insecurities, but I don't think I'm ruled by them all the time). Sometimes I think that what people might be reading as ENTJ confidence is actually ENTJ confidence AFTER a decision has been taken or a choice been made. Once I've decided to go for something, that's when I can bulldoze and believe in the project/myself 110%, but that's only a specific situation. Maybe it's just more visible somehow? Dunno.

5) If someone was going to give you a compliment or someone was going to recognize you for something, what would you feel greatest about being complimented on and what form would that recognition take?

Hmmmmm. I think my answer to this is that it depends on who it's coming from. Some of the best and most happy-inducing compliments I've gotten in my life have been minor, in terms of the words used, but meant a ton to me because of who they came from - people I loved and/or respected very much. And I'm not sure the most effusive praise would mean much if it was coming from a jackass.

6) What would you most want people to know about who you are or what is important to you?

I'm not sure I'm bothered with what 'people' know about who I am. People I know, my friends, family etc., *of course* I would prefer them to have a good opinion of me, but it doesn't bug me TOO much if a stranger or acquaintance gets me wrong, beyond the simple annoyance I feel at wrongness. ;) Also re: what's important to me - again, this is personal. People who are close to me will know, and people who aren't close to me, I probably won't reveal that info without a reason. I'm kind of guarded actually, in a way that isn't always obvious because I'm a big fat extrovert and will talk about sex at the drop of a hat. :D

[mortabunt]

ENTJ: what do you think of INTP's?

[fidelia]

Thank you!

For number 2, do you do that easily yourself when the situation warrants it, or would it be something you find difficult to do and therefore respect those who can?

In answer to number 3, all the STJ people mentioned that they would have to determine if the person was just a complainer crying for attention. They all seemed very worried about people doing this. For you it sounds more like wanting people to control their emotions enough to express them in an appropriate venue.

For number 4, do you talk about things before the decision has been made, while you are in process, or is it a done deal before you would start discussing it with anyone?

Number 5 seemed to be more about the content of the compliment for STJs and doing it casually in a non-emotional way. For you, it is more who it comes from and whether they are qualified to comment.

Number 6 - Do people think that they know all about you because you come off as extroverted, or are they aware that you are only being your social self and there's more stuff they aren't likely to see?

[Fluffywolf]

ENTJ, could you please find appreciation in the skills and usefulness of introverts?

(Was directed at the ENTJ's I know irl. Seems they have a lot of trouble understanding introverted people.)

:)

[fidelia]

I tried to change the title to include all NTJs after the fact, but I couldn't...

[FDG]

1) Both ENTJs and ESTJs tend to like being in charge and people sometimes mistake them. What are the main things that distinguish the two types from each other?

ESTJs want to be in charge a lot more than ENTJ - intruding upon your work and the like. ENTJs are sometimes unaware of how the something is pratically realized, so they might tell you to do something and not care about how you're doing it. Both approaches have drawbacks, of course.


2) What earns your respect the most?

Oh, everybody has my respect until they do something really wrong/stupid. But as far as something in particular goes, if you're kind, funny, and smart, then you will have more respect from me.


3) How do you feel/what do you do when people are emotional around you?

Depends on the level. If they're sad, or upset about some particular event, I will try to do something to relieve it. If they're being batshit crazy I want to get the hell away from it.


4) Would you say you are confident through and through or is it more just the impression that the people around you have? Do you have much inner self-doubt or insecurity?

I'm pretty confident. I'd say much more than average. Doesn't mean I'm an asshole, just that I think stuff through, have good sources, so...why should I not be confident? Sure, I have some blind spots though - sometimes I am unconfident in interacting with people on bureucratic stuff.


5) If someone was going to give you a compliment or someone was going to recognize you for something, what would you feel greatest about being complimented on and what form would that recognition take?


Hell, everything is good as a compliment! Seriously, can't choose. If they pay me, that's the best recognition ahah
Anyway, if the compliment is from somebody I like and respect, then it has more value.


6) What would you most want people to know about who you are or what is important to you?

I'm a pretty straightforward, WYSIWYG kind of guy, so it's very easy to get to know me.

[fidelia]

Thank you! Anyone else?

[abra]

1) Both ENTJs and ESTJs tend to like being in charge and people sometimes mistake them. What are the main things that distinguish the two types from each other?

ENTJs have a vision and they're working towards it at all times, they have little respect for the moment.
ESTJs are exceptionally good at operations, they know the protocol and they apply it very well.
If an ESTJ is being insubordinate the chance of them actually knowing the better course is much higher than that of an ENTJ knowing the better course when being insubordinate. This is because ENTJs are 1. less respectful of authority and 2. less in the moment.

ENTJs are good at criticizing, streamlining and conceptualizing. ESTJs are good at doing, doing and doing.

3) How do you feel/what do you do when people are emotional around you?
My own emotions range from reverent to annoyed in the presence of emotional outburts.
I generally try to present a clear definition of the problem and show the pointlessness of a negative emotional response.

4) Would you say you are confident through and through or is it more just the impression that the people around you have? Do you have much inner self-doubt or insecurity?

I've got self-doubt and insecurity coming out my ears.

5) If someone was going to give you a compliment or someone was going to recognize you for something, what would you feel greatest about being complimented on and what form would that recognition take?

"I couldn't have done it without you."

[abra]

ENTJ: what do you think of INTP's?

Unfortunately their lack of predictability and dedication makes them hard to depend on.
They are good to have around, the best critics for an ENTJ.

[BlackCat]

How about the INFPs, what do you think about them? Keep in mind the varying levels of maturity... an immature INFP + ENTJ = lmao.

[Kangirl]

Re: INTPs - this type often pisses me off, and I think it's their lack of direction that does it, sometimes. That ... I don't know ... the tendency to go off on thoughtful tangents, to not have their eyes on the prize etc. But I dont dislike them and yeah, given their inherent differences while still being NT theyre probably good critics of ENTJs.

INFPs - am surrounded by the buggers! can't get away! so I must like them. :) No seriously, I think INFPs are GREAT conversational partners, I love talking to them, even if half the time I get the sense that even though we may be using similiar words, we can be talking about very different concepts/feelings. I don't like INFPs in a bad mood, but then again no likes anyone in a bad mood.

For number 2, do you do that easily yourself when the situation warrants it, or would it be something you find difficult to do and therefore respect those who can?

Ha, nope. Not even gonna pretend here. Of course it's hard for me to admit I'm wrong, and I think it's even harder to show vulnerability (on a related note, this is something that causes tension with me and my INFP - it takes SO MUCH for me to show I'm vulnerable that even the smallest snub can seem huge to me and really hurt). And yeah, it possible has something to do with me respecting people who can do this. It's a rare person, of any type imo, who easily admits being wrong or vulnerable. Maybe the Fs are better at vulnerability? Dunno.

In answer to number 3, all the STJ people mentioned that they would have to determine if the person was just a complainer crying for attention. They all seemed very worried about people doing this. For you it sounds more like wanting people to control their emotions enough to express them in an appropriate venue.

Yeah it's the latter for me. Someone being emotional for attention is either going to get ignored by me or have the piss taken out of them, but it genuinely does bug me when overt emotion is shown in inappropriate situations. This might have more to do with my English genes than my type, tho?

For number 4, do you talk about things before the decision has been made, while you are in process, or is it a done deal before you would start discussing it with anyone?

This is pretty easy to answer - I very, very rarely talk about plans before I've made a decision.

Number 5 seemed to be more about the content of the compliment for STJs and doing it casually in a non-emotional way. For you, it is more who it comes from and whether they are qualified to comment.

Yes, correct. 'Qualified' sounds kind of arrogant, I didn't mean it that way - I meant more to do with how much I respect them. A professor I admire a lot complimented me once and I nearly cried with pride.

Number 6 - Do people think that they know all about you because you come of as extroverted, or are they aware that you are only being your social self and there's more stuff they aren't likely to see?

Both. I think a lot of people might make the mistake of thinking extroverts necessarily reveal more of themselves just because they're Es, but I don't think so. Not with me anyway. I will rarely if ever discuss issues that I really, really care about or that genuinely deeply upset me. And if I do, I'll often involuntarily make it jokey or lace it with a sarcastic bravado.

[EJCC]

I know that there have been a lot of "What do you think of my type?" questions so far, but I can't help but ask... do you like ESTJs, generally? I ask because, in my experience, ESTJs like ENTJs, and I wanted to know if that liking is reciprocated.

Also, are there any types that you CONSISTENTLY dislike? Or does it mostly depend on non-type-related factors?

[fidelia]

What kinds of things really bother you and make you feel vulnerable? I know thinkers have feelings of course, but I don't really understand how things are felt by them and what kinds of things would induce hurt.

Do you ever apologize? Under what circumstances?

Is there anyone that you would show vulnerability to? Would they see most of it, or only a little bit? How would that be manifested?

What's something that you really need or appreciate from the people close to you?

[FDG]

I know that there have been a lot of "What do you think of my type?" questions so far, but I can't help but ask... do you like ESTJs, generally? I ask because, in my experience, ESTJs like ENTJs, and I wanted to know if that liking is reciprocated.

Also, are there any types that you CONSISTENTLY dislike? Or does it mostly depend on non-type-related factors?

In my experience, ESTJs don't like me. Esp. the males, they seem to see my as some sort of competitor (because in some ways we have similar strenghts).

[EJCC]

Huh. Interesting. Presumably this is just in work relationships? I suppose I had been thinking outside of work. Is it the same in casual situations?

[FDG]

Huh. Interesting. Presumably this is just in work relationships? I suppose I had been thinking outside of work. Is it the same in casual situations?

You're right...in casual situations I'm totally cool with ESTJs :yes::yes:

[EJCC]

Okay, sweet :) So I have another question. I believe that kangirl said earlier that ESTJs are more likely to need to be the leader. (I kind of disagree with that, but that's not the point.) It's been my experience that when an ESTJ and an ENTJ get together, the dominant one is usually the ENTJ (by which I mean that the ENTJ will do more of the talking, and the ESTJ will do more of the listening). Has this been your experience, too? If so, do you think it has anything to do with the air of confidence that so many ENTJs emit?

[DiscoBiscuit]

1) Both ENTJs and ESTJs tend to like being in charge and people sometimes mistake them. What are the main things that distinguish the two types from each other?

It would seem that ESTJs have a more direct desire to control people for control's sake. Whereas, ENTJ's view their control as a means to an end.

2) What earns your respect the most?

Competence. Someone who doesn't back down from my challenge. Someone who stands for their convictions against all opposition.

3) How do you feel/what do you do when people are emotional around you?

Depends on how close that person is to me. If its a close friend I'll talk it out with them (as long as its a reasonable outburst and they're not just making a mountain out of a mole hill). If the person is not close to me, then I have nothing to say. There is nothing I hate worse than people who go all to pieces at the slightest conflict or issue.

4) Would you say you are confident through and through or is it more just the impression that the people around you have? Do you have much inner self-doubt or insecurity?

In school or work environs I have confidence through and through. In social settings (especially ones in which I'm not good friends with all there) I can lose my confidence. Basically I'm confident in any situation where I understand whats going on and have some semblance of control over the outcome.

5) If someone was going to give you a compliment or someone was going to recognize you for something, what would you feel greatest about being complimented on and what form would that recognition take?

Anything concerning strength of character means a lot to me.

6) What would you most want people to know about who you are or what is important to you?

My belief in doing whats right. How I stand up for others.

[Dark Razor]

1) Both ENTJs and ESTJs tend to like being in charge and people sometimes mistake them. What are the main things that distinguish the two types from each other?

I liked the quote "ENTJs look like they just came back from a trip, ESTJs look like they just got ready for work" that I read somewhere on the forum.

Generally ESTJs will be more "propper" and will reference procedure. ENTJs have less respect for authority and are a lot less likely to make an appeal to tradition. Basically the ENTJ is an NT nerd at heart, while the ESTJ is the SJ enforcer at heart :D.


2) What earns your respect the most?

I have respect for people who are genuine, honest and straightforward, people who are themselves. People who are no-nonsense and say what they think right away. I also appreciate it if people are able to show their sensitive side and their vulnerability.

I also have huge respect for people who prevail against all odds, people who fight for what they believe is right even in the face of adversity.


3) How do you feel/what do you do when people are emotional around you?

It depends on why they are emotional, if I can understand the reason I will try to comfort them, though I might feel a little .. helpless while doing so.

Though often I will get a simple "does not compute" response from my brain when someone gets upset in my presence, because I simply dont understand what's there to get worked up about. In that case I will try to get away from the situation, or simply ignore the emotional person.


4) Would you say you are confident through and through or is it more just the impression that the people around you have? Do you have much inner self-doubt or insecurity?

If I feel competent in what I am doing then I ususally feel extremely confident. If I am in a heated discussion about a topic I know I am competent in and I think I am right then I lose all respect for authority and rank. In that situation I feel extremely intense and am confident I can overpower almost anyone, boss, teacher, doesnt matter.

On the orher hand, if I feel that the other person has superior competence, or when I am in a place where I dont know people and don't know the social dynamics between people, so that I cannot predict people's reactions I often feel intimidated and might come across as timid and cautious.

When I read the ENTJ description it seems like "wow, I should be a total badass like Napoleon all the time". But it's not like that, I feel uncomfortable in many situations. Especially if the situation calls for "casual" behaviour among unfamiliar people, I know that I am not casual and I appear out of place in those situations, which makes the whole thing very ackward. Though I have to say that I do get along pretty ok with SPs usually, the tertiary Se helps :newwink:.

I also feel uncomfortable if I am expected to "express my feelings"
Feeler person:"How does this make you feel DarkRazor?"
DR:"I do not detect any variation in my emotional makeup from its usual state"
FP: *Deer caught in Headlights look*


5) If someone was going to give you a compliment or someone was going to recognize you for something, what would you feel greatest about being complimented on and what form would that recognition take?

If I think the person making the compliment is competent it will mean a lot to me, though I will probably seem ackward when responding to the compliment.

I will feel good about the fact that the other person has validated / recognized my competence in a given area, and I will probably enjoy working with that person more in the future because of a feeling of mutual professionalism.



6) What would you most want people to know about who you are or what is important to you?
I am not as stuck up and serious as I appear to be, I can be loads of fun if you meet me outside of work/school. I aim to be fair in all instances, and I aim to stand up for those who are treated unjustly at all times.

[Kangirl]

EJCC, it wasn't me who made a comment about ESTJs being more likely to need to be the leader... I'm not sure I know many/any ESTJs so I don't feel too comfortable describing them. :)

What kinds of things really bother you and make you feel vulnerable? I know thinkers have feelings of course, but I don't really understand how things are felt by them and what kinds of things would induce hurt.

Hmmmm. Well, allowing myself to BE vulnerable makes me FEEL vulnerable if that isn't too obvious. I rarely place myself in situations where I am emotionally vulnerable, especially with people I don't feel I know or trust enough. With people I know well and trust, I think I am pretty vulnerable. People on the outside might not see it, but I am - I just won't usually show it on the outside if I'm upset or if something has hurt me. I will, however, go home and brood about it. It's feeling, not thought (generally) that makes me feel vulnerable. I feel safer and more comfortable in a debate about something impersonal than I do chatting about how I feel. I might be the wrong ENTJ to be asking, though, because I have never been on of those people who has trouble feeling, or recognizing feelings within myself. Maybe something to do with being a female ENTJ?


Do you ever apologize? Under what circumstances?

Yes. Not often. I should do it more, but it's hard, and the bigger the wrong on my part, usually the harder it is for me to confront it and say sorry, mostly out of being ashamed of myself and what I've done. Mostly what makes me feel bad is hurting someone. Again, this isn't across the board. Some people I couldn't care less about hurting (i.e. people I dislike) but if I care about/respect someone, and I hurt them, yeah, that sucks.

Is there anyone that you would show vulnerability to? Would they see most of it, or only a little bit? How would that be manifested?

Very, very few. My 1-3 closest friends in the world, my boyfriend and my sister. My sister is the one I feel most comfortable with. She has her faults, as do I, but she (INFP) is remarkably non-judgemental with me and I don't know if she knows how much I appreciate that.

What's something that you really need or appreciate from the people close to you?

To be heard. To have what I think and feel valued. If there is one thing on this earth likely to trigger all sorts of deeply embedded baggage in me, it's the feeling that someone I care about isn't listening to me and/or isn't paying proper attention when something's up.

When I read the ENTJ description it seems like "wow, I should be a total badass like Napoleon all the time".

I really identify with this comment from Dark Razor. And you know, I can even see WHY sometimes people would see me as a stereotypical ENTJ bulldozer/dictator. I know what behaviours of mine can lead others to think this. I consider myself, tho, actually surprisingly mushy. I cry easily, I feel compassion easily, I throw myself into emotional projects (i.e. personal relationships) with at times ill-advised abandon. My directness of manner does not reflect what it is often interpreted to reflect - some kind of essential coldness or stoniness. Not at all. In fact I wish I *was* 'stonier' inside.

[Valuable_Money]

Once you take over the world, can I have New Zealand?

[oort cloud]

I've been reading this forum for a while, and I've noticed a few mentions of ENTJs helping "outcast"- or "weakling"-types of people to accomplish something.

This reminds me of an ENTJ I know who once told me that he often feels urges to help the "underdog", which surprise even himself. So, question:

- Why do ENTJs help the underdogs - when there's nothing in it for them, or maybe there are even potential negative consequences?

Or is that atypical?

[entropie]

Dear ENTJ,

am I ExTJ too ?

Greetz

[INTJ123]

1) Both ENTJs and ESTJs tend to like being in charge and people sometimes mistake them. What are the main things that distinguish the two types from each other?

IMO ESTJ is more bent on perfection.

2) What earns your respect the most?

Freedom of thought, free will.

3) How do you feel/what do you do when people are emotional around you?

I don't know what to feel, I feel weird cuz I just don't always feel emotional in those types of situations. To be really honest I sometimes fake the appropriate response, just to try and make them feel better, and make myself feel less awkward.

4) Would you say you are confident through and through or is it more just the impression that the people around you have? Do you have much inner self-doubt or insecurity?

Everyone has a bit of insecurity. And in times of absolute certainty an image of confidence may be percieved by others.


5) If someone was going to give you a compliment or someone was going to recognize you for something, what would you feel greatest about being complimented on and what form would that recognition take?

I really don't know. being nice? a thank you?

6) What would you most want people to know about who you are or what is important to you?

I can't speak for all NTJ's or INTJ's, but deep down inside I'm a humanitarian, I often think about how I can better the lives of the people in this world for the long run, but I don't help out in the little things which probably make me look bad.

[EJCC]

On a very cool thread called "The Iceman and the Child" that was active a while ago, this idea came up: that there's a time with ENTJs (kind of like with ESTJs) when they stop feeling like they need to impress/entertain a certain person all the time, and they become more comfortable just being around them, without the pressure of making them laugh or anything like that.
Firstly, is that true?
Secondly, if it is, how do you get to that point? Does it just come with time? Is there anything that can be done to encourage it?
I ask because I know a very cool ENTJ that I'd like to get to know better, but I dunno if he's gotten to that point yet.

[Galusha]

1) Both ENTJs and ESTJs tend to like being in charge and people sometimes mistake them. What are the main things that distinguish the two types from each other?

ENTJs can sometimes understand that they're not the best person for the job. We have the same compulsion to be in charge, but realize that it's not always necessary.

2) What earns your respect the most?

Self-sufficiency with ambition.

3) How do you feel/what do you do when people are emotional around you?

It depends on the person. If it's someone I've just met, I generally think that they're just annoying as hell. If it's a close friend or family member, my main concern is trying to fix the problem, and failing that, trying to make them feel better. This is only the case with negative emotions, of course-- if someone's very happy, then I enjoy seeing it.

4) Would you say you are confident through and through or is it more just the impression that the people around you have? Do you have much inner self-doubt or insecurity?

I'm incredibly insecure, but with boosts of confidence. The trouble is, I come off as egotistical because the confidence goes on display, but the regular doubt does not unless I think the sky is falling. The only people who see the insecurity are my roommates, my best friend, and my mother.

5) If someone was going to give you a compliment or someone was going to recognize you for something, what would you feel greatest about being complimented on and what form would that recognition take?

I would feel the best being complimented on my future career, and the recognition would be a fantastically high-paying salary and lots of responsibility off the bat.

6) What would you most want people to know about who you are or what is important to you?

That you've got to earn the privelege of knowing what's going on in my head.
On a very cool thread called "The Iceman and the Child" that was active a while ago, this idea came up: that there's a time with ENTJs (kind of like with ESTJs) when they stop feeling like they need to impress/entertain a certain person all the time, and they become more comfortable just being around them, without the pressure of making them laugh or anything like that.
Firstly, is that true?
We occasionally lapse into insecurity and feel the need to fall back into the original pattern to remind those people why they started hanging out with us in the first place, but yes, we choose to display different parts of our personality later on as a sign of comfort and trust.

Secondly, if it is, how do you get to that point? Does it just come with time? Is there anything that can be done to encourage it?
If you're an awesome person and we get along right away, it could be the same night. The only way to encourage it is to be intelligent, have conversations that make us think, and never interfere with our work :D

[Antisocial one]

What kind of dinamic do you have with INTJs ? (in the case you know any)

[Valuable_Money]

If an ENTJ and an INTJ were put in charge of two armies of equal number and skill and put on two oposite sides of a perfectly symetrical landscape who would win?

[Antisocial one]

If an ENTJ and an INTJ were put in charge of two armies of equal number and skill and put on two oposite sides of a perfectly symetrical landscape who would win?

This question is nonsense since this is something quite individual.
(unless you are planning a joke of some sort)

[Galusha]

If an ENTJ and an INTJ were put in charge of two armies of equal number and skill and put on two oposite sides of a perfectly symetrical landscape who would win?
The ENTJ, because we could actually convince our army to start marching without killing a few soldiers in the process.