ENFj's relationships!

[Ariel]

Hey!
Wanted to know what kind of personalities supposedly got along best with ENFj's???? I read on socionics it was ISTJ's. What are your thoughts??? :D

[Domino]

First of all, welcome to the board, Melly. :) Nice to see more ENFJs posting.

A lot has been said over time here at the forum about who makes the best match for ENFJs, and most of it goes to speculation or experience. You'll find that many ENFJs seem to enjoy long happy relationships with INFPs and INTPs, though I have more experience with ENTPs and ISTPs. It all depends on your level of energy and intelligence needs, or how much of the emotional aspect of the relationship you prefer. For instance, my sister, an ENFP, really likes xNTJs and INFJs. She likes the warmth and like mindedness of the INFJs but also really appreciates and is attracted to the T strength of the NTJs.

I will however wish to caution you - just from my experience - that ISTJs are your enigma and will probably not be a good romantic match. They have made great friends to me and I do enjoy their company quite a lot, but I find that beyond friendship, I'm way out of my depth with them. My ENFP sister on the other hand seems to be quite at home amongst them without any effort. They're very attracted to her.

[Kungpowish]

I tend to do best with people like myself. Two examples being an INFJ and an ENFP. I just want someone I can relate to and hang out with. Well, maybe a bit more than that but I find what I need with similar types.

[runvardh]

I would like to also add some clarification that Socionics has a different rule set from MBTI even though they use very similar acronyms and function names.

[Domino]

See? *laughs* Already getting complicated. :D

[runvardh]

Since when has anything been simple when relationships are concerned? :doh:

[Sytpg]

Hey!
Wanted to know what kind of personalities supposedly got along best with ENFj's???? I read on socionics it was ISTJ's. What are your thoughts??? :D

My father's an ISTJ and my mother an ENFJ and they've been happily married for centuries now.

Dunno if type match theory has anything to do with it though.

[SpottingTrains]

I will echo Pink's sentiments about the INFP and INTP. I've only dated the INTP but I think an INFP would be awesome as well from what I have read.

Overall though I think I could be happy with anyone as long as they somewhat balanced :) .. and an N.

[Gtzk]

Since when has anything been simple when relationships are concerned? :doh:

That depends on how much you keep inside and how much you let out, doesn't it?
And even so, I would consider relationships hard, not complicated.

[BlackCat]

So what's so great about INFPs for you guys? What's great about ENFJs for INFPs? Just curious as to what you people think, the ENFJs I've met would drive me totally insane or annoy the heck out of me in a romantic relationship.

[SpottingTrains]

Overview: INFPs are idealistic people at the core, they always make distinctions in the form of dichotomies in their mind when presented with anything in life. It seems to be natural to do this, to have a very innate sense of how things really are, how they are separated in what they mean. INFPs are driven by their inner values, which is a network of emotions and attachments (negative and positive), this net is constantly being added to over time and starts developing at a very young age. This net of emotions is what is commonly where most decisions are made along (they are also made with values), it stores all past emotions. An INFP's values come from the person's experiences and philosophies in life, they are purely subjective. An INFP will generally avoid bad feelings, and with use of the net they naturally remember how to avoid them. A value is formed when a bad or good emotion is felt over and over by a common event, an example would be if the INFP really disliked spinach then they would make it a value to avoid spinach and try to not eat it again.

An INFP's idealism is often inspired by a vision that they have as to how the world could be improved, the way the world SHOULD be. This will generally moderate an INFP's attitude, inspiring them to act on what would be best for a "greater good" in the situations they find themselves in. This may include getting the truth out, helping someone, or setting up for a good future. This view of how the world should be will either make them optimistic or pessimistic in their attitude. The pessimists will generally hope for the best but expect the worst, the optimists will hope for the best and expect the best. This is purely relative to the person.

Everything that you wrote :D

Just curious but what are some of the traits you dislike about the ENFJ or whatever turned you off from them. Just wondering if they were actually healthy ENFJs.

[Ariel]

Thanks for all of your answers, people!

I'm still confused though, what is it that you don't like about ENFJs in relationships? Usually ENFJ's are really caring people focusing on their peers' well-being. Would seem natural for them to do so as well in a relationship!

[runvardh]

I mostly worry about an ENFJ feeling like she needs to be my mommy. I already had one and she failed miserably. I just want a partner in crime...

[BlackCat]

I highly doubt these people were... Mature examples. Mature Fe dominants have been great, but I've only been acquaintances to them.

As for what turned me off of these people? I'll give examples of the two I know.

Number one- Well first off they showed that they cared... and it seemed like a lot at first. They listened to me, took me for who I was, etc. We could relate intuitively. Then I realized that they did that with everyone (like 30+ people that they talked to), and I didn't really feel that special. I had kept talking to them and such, and something just didn't really seem right to me. Like they were acting that way to just be nice, and it didn't really seem like the person cared. It was odd, there was no real conflict (most people I make friends with we disagree on something and get through it, and learn from that). It was like she was just... agreeing with me. It felt very fake. I did an experiment and stopped talking to her to see if she would talk to me, and sure enough, she didn't. I had had experiences before with Fe, and they weren't that great. I figured I'd give this person a chance, and I did, and they failed.

Number two- She was just insane. She would cause emotional drama, would think that she knew who you really were (and failed miserably). When she thought she would know how someone really was she would gossip about them. This would cause emotional drama, and she would thrive on that and the negative attention she would give people. She also knew how to manipulate people's moods, and got frustrated with me since I resisted. She then tried to spread rumors, but I stood up for myself and basically said "F*ck you, prove that this happened". Then she basically doorslammed me.

Both of these people were hyper emotional, they didn't seem to care about what my point was in a conversation if it sounded offensive (I'm sarcastic and blunt when comfortable with someone). If it was too blunt and I was too honest they would take offense to what I said, so I had to delicately word what I was saying and pad the truth so I could actually communicate. They would also randomly dump all of their superficial emotional stuff on me... and wouldn't really help me with my problems in return.

They were unhealthy definitely. But as a whole Fe just seems kinda... Superficial to me. That's just the feeling I get. I've met a few older healthy ESFJs, and they didn't seem superficial to me at all. It's all subjective, and I've yet to be subjected IRL to an ENFJ that I can tolerate. :D

EDIT: Forgot to mention that overly emotional and overly sensitive people in general are just... a turnoff. People who's emotions are very unstable.

[BlackCat]

Here is a post I made about the ideal mates for ENFJs and why, it was a quick "in-a-nutshell" post, but here it is.

INTP, ISFP, ESTP, INFP.

However an ENFJ would drive me INSANE in a relationship (it depends on the person and not the types for the most part). That's just theory about INFPs. I'd say INTP or ESTP would be your best bet, in my experience having an F and having a T is good for balance, too much fleeting emotions or lack thereof of a more emotional person wouldn't cover all of the bases.

REASONS-

INTP- You are there to teach each other in life. With the ENFJ's inferior Ti and the INTP's inferior Fe, you can reinforce each other's weaknesses. One will represent what the other wants to cultivate in themselves. However this can also come with catastrophic failure if the two aren't mature.

ISFP- According to theory, dominant Fi and dominant Fe go hand in hand (in theory though), since Fi wants to be nurtured and Fe nurtures, however there are many obstacles to overcome. I imagine the shared Se and Ni would make for interesting communication, since you would see where the other was coming from most of the time.

INFP- See above, except the two partners are intuitive and may tolerate each other better with shared intuition.

ESTP- The "activity" relationship according to socionics, the two people back up each other's weaknesses, and the differences are the relationship's strength. The shared extroversion makes the two enjoy each other, and you see where the other is coming from. One will cultivate what the other wants to make stronger in themselves.

[SpottingTrains]

I can relate to #1 a little bit but not to #2 at all.

#1 reminds me more of when I was a lot younger. Not to the extreme that you portrayed but I definitely didn't feel like I had enough knowledge to participate fully. Trying to help someone when you don't have the experience to back it makes it hard to justify what you want to say. You want to help the person in whatever way possible but at the same time you don't know if what you are saying is good advice.

Just some thoughts, definitely a sign of lack of confidence I would think.

[Kungpowish]

Forgot to mention that overly emotional and overly sensitive people in general are just... a turnoff. People who's emotions are very unstable.

Why is that? I know that dealing with said emotions can be a drag but a sensitive person is sensitive to you too, I would think that kind of caring would appeal to people but it seems to drive a lot of people away:huh:

#1 is a good way to talk about it. That person was just being polite but an ENFJ who was really into you would care MORE about you than others and seek to talk to you if you stopped, trust me:D, is that not what you meant by a sensitive person or is it still not what you want?

[runvardh]

Eh, unhealthy ENFJs... I'm still trying to numb the hurt from her calling me cold. One of the reasons why I'm looking at arguing more since some need that to get the feeling you truly do give a shit.

[SpottingTrains]

Eh, unhealthy ENFJs... I'm still trying to numb the hurt from her calling me cold. One of the reasons why I'm looking at arguing more since some need that to get the feeling you truly do give a shit.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, gaining my trust is a very long road. The smoother it is the longer it takes.

[Kungpowish]

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, gaining my trust is a very long road. The smoother it is the longer it takes.

Do you ever feel like people would do more to earn your trust if you gave them more to start with? I find that if you make it clear you trust someone, and they aren't a jerk, they will try to maintain that trust. Whereas someone who knows you don't trust them may do things that would break your trust because there is nothing to lose.

[runvardh]

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, gaining my trust is a very long road. The smoother it is the longer it takes.

It didn't help that she gradually started cutting off opportunities left and right till I figured "Fuckit!" sent her one last message over Facebook and gave her two weeks to respond. I didn't tell her she had two weeks, with how infrequently she was answering compared to what she had before I figured two weeks was enough time to just call it quits. As a P I get tired of taking the inititive repeatedly and either getting shrugged off or ignored.

Before that crap happened she wanted to downgrade things to friends. When I'd act like a friend she'd get all tense like I wasn't doing enough. And when I seemed to have been doing enough to make her happy she'd go into guilt mode and pull back.

Honestly, I'd welcome a longer road instead of one night just jumping all over me then cooling off from there.

[Kungpowish]

It didn't help that she gradually started cutting off opportunities left and right till I figured "Fuckit!" sent her one last message over Facebook and gave her two weeks to respond. I didn't tell her she had two weeks, with how infrequently she was answering compared to what she had before I figured two weeks was enough time to just call it quits. As a P I get tired of taking the inititive repeatedly and either getting shrugged off or ignored.

Before that crap happened she wanted to downgrade things to friends. When I'd act like a friend she'd get all tense like I wasn't doing enough. And when I seemed to have been doing enough to make her happy she'd go into guilt mode and pull back.

Honestly, I'd welcome a longer road instead of one night just jumping all over me then cooling off from there.

Maybe she wanted more but didn't feel she deserved it? I know someone who broke up with me recently "for my own good". And at first I thought it was bs but they are still really hurting from what my eyes and out mutal friends tell me. So maybe she just couldn't accept what she needed. Groucho Marx put it best, "I refuse to be a member of any club that will have me" Funny words but the meaning can actually be kind of depressing.

[BlackCat]

Why is that? I know that dealing with said emotions can be a drag but a sensitive person is sensitive to you too, I would think that kind of caring would appeal to people but it seems to drive a lot of people away:huh:

#1 is a good way to talk about it. That person was just being polite but an ENFJ who was really into you would care MORE about you than others and seek to talk to you if you stopped, trust me:D, is that not what you meant by a sensitive person or is it still not what you want?

The way I see it, I am an emotional person, and I don't want someone to bog me down with a ton of emotions all of the time. T's don't really do this in my experience, but they do have their emotions and do need to talk about it, but I'm not totally loaded down all of the time. When I'm totally bogged down then it's no good for me. I meant sensitive as in... They get offended by the context of things rather than the point of things, stuff like that. Just basically having way too much emotion for me to handle. I tend to mess up in how I communicate, and I need someone to realize that I'm just trying to convey a point and if I'm blunt then I'm not trying to be rude. I get the "you're rude" thing from Fe dominants a lot it seems... I just don't need that whole thing in my life (overly emotional, sensitive etc). I didn't mean sensitive as in sensitive to my needs, I meant it in a totally different way.

I just prefer T's, specifically TJs.

[Kungpowish]

I meant sensitive as in... They get offended by the context of things rather than the point of things, stuff like that. J

Ok yeah, ENFJs are not for you then. Oh well, more for everyone else;)

[BlackCat]

Yeah if someone can't handle that side of me then it would be a catastrophe waiting to happen. I just don't understand that really... Getting offended by a context and not a point. >_>

[Kungpowish]

Yeah if someone can't handle that side of me then it would be a catastrophe waiting to happen. I just don't understand that really... Getting offended by a context and not a point. >_>

Context is important, I have said once, "it's not what you said, it's how you said it" because the way you say things denotes how you feel about the person you are talking to. Even if you don't think about that at all and are just getting a point across that says, to an ENFJ, you don't care enough to consider how you say things. It may not be the best way of doing things but there is SOME logic to it.

[runvardh]

Maybe she wanted more but didn't feel she deserved it? I know someone who broke up with me recently "for my own good". And at first I thought it was bs but they are still really hurting from what my eyes and out mutal friends tell me. So maybe she just couldn't accept what she needed. Groucho Marx put it best, "I refuse to be a member of any club that will have me" Funny words but the meaning can actually be kind of depressing.

All the more reason I drag things out. I know that possibility because I did that once at 20 and every relationship I had after that has felt like 7 years bad luck. Actually, that reminds me, only a year and a half left...

[SpottingTrains]

I should of phrased my answer better. I was referring more to a full or perfect level of trust where I wouldn't be reluctant to hide anything. Lending someone money or trusting things that are outside of my emotional sphere I have no problem with.

[runvardh]

I should of phrased my answer better. I was referring more to a full or perfect level of trust where I wouldn't be reluctant to hide anything. Lending someone money or trusting things that are outside of my emotional sphere I have no problem with.

She jumped my bones after knowing me only 4 days.

[BlackCat]

Context is important, I have said once, "it's not what you said, it's how you said it" because the way you say things denotes how you feel about the person you are talking to. Even if you don't think about that at all and are just getting a point across that says, to an ENFJ, you don't care enough to consider how you say things. It may not be the best way of doing things but there is SOME logic to it.

That is just the opposite of how I think about it socially to be honest with you. It's the essence of what someone's saying, the real point, that matters to me. I try to care enough to sound non offensive, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I do consider how to say things, but I consider a lot more what my point is and what the essence of what I'm getting across is. For me, this sort of thing is just a conflict across the board for me, I don't get along with Fe dominants that well. :blush: For me I really just don't think about the context too much, and more the point. That doesn't mean that I don't care about the context with what someone is saying, anger, overt happiness etc is obvious and taken into consideration, but it's still the point that matters to me. This is why I can sound blunt a lot of the time with my points and communication. Then when someone gets offended I'm like "Wait... What? What did I do wrong? :confused:" in my mind. I just simply have no idea why someone would get offended. That's where the conflict comes from.

[Kungpowish]

That is just the opposite of how I think about it socially to be honest with you. It's the essence of what someone's saying, the real point, that matters to me. I try to care enough to sound non offensive, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I do consider how to say things, but I consider a lot more what my point is and what the essence of what I'm getting across is. For me, this sort of thing is just a conflict across the board for me, I don't get along with Fe dominants that well. :blush: For me I really just don't think about the context too much, and more the point. That doesn't mean that I don't care about the context with what someone is saying, anger, overt happiness etc is obvious and taken into consideration, but it's still the point that matters to me. This is why I can sound blunt a lot of the time with my points and communication. Then when someone gets offended I'm like "Wait... What? What did I do wrong? :confused:" in my mind. I just simply have no idea why someone would get offended. That's where the conflict comes from.

I think a good way to explain it it waving. If you see a friend and wave to them and they wave excitedly back you feel good, they are pleased to see you. If they half nod and then go back to their book it can feel like a snub. In both cases the POINT is the same, they are acknowledging you and returning your greeting. But the WAY they do it says a lot.

In the same way, if I have done something someone doesn't like and they tactfully let me know EX: "I hate to be rude but, could you try not to do that anymore?" I feel a little regretful and try to fix it. But if they say like, "Stop doing that stupid @#$#" then I'll feel offended that they spoke to me that way. Same message but the reaction you get is different, and I feel with good reason.

[runvardh]

By the way, I don't write off ENFJs because of the Fe doms in my life the only one I can't stand 75% of the time is my aunt (father's little sister). My great aunt (paternal grandfather's little sister) is great, but some of the psyco babble she's learned from reading seems to have twisted a few of her synapses. My paternal grandmother on the other hand has been an awesome grandma since she was 37 (the age she was when I was born).

[BlackCat]

I think a good way to explain it it waving. If you see a friend and wave to them and they wave excitedly back you feel good, they are pleased to see you. If they half nod and then go back to their book it can feel like a snub. In both cases the POINT is the same, they are acknowledging you and returning your greeting. But the WAY they do it says a lot.

In the same way, if I have done something someone doesn't like and they tactfully let me know EX: "I hate to be rude but, could you try not to do that anymore?" I feel a little regretful and try to fix it. But if they say like, "Stop doing that stupid @#$#" then I'll feel offended that they spoke to me that way. Same message but the reaction you get is different, and I feel with good reason.

Well yeah... Like I said the connotation can matter, but it doesn't matter as much as the point. I will always try to be nice, but when I get into something and I trust someone I tend to forget about the connotations, thus causing conflict with these people. I just wouldn't want to constantly be watching for that, that would hide who I really am. :) I don't try to be hurtful, sometimes I can just unintentionally say things that might be perceived as hurtful with how blunt they are etc, and it all goes back to that I trust someone to not get offended since they know that my intentions are good.

[Kungpowish]

Well yeah... Like I said the connotation can matter, but it doesn't matter as much as the point. I will always try to be nice, but when I get into something and I trust someone I tend to forget about the connotations, thus causing conflict with these people. I just wouldn't want to constantly be watching for that, that would hide who I really am. :) I don't try to be hurtful, sometimes I can just unintentionally say things that might be perceived as hurtful with how blunt they are etc, and it all goes back to that I trust someone to not get offended since they know that my intentions are good.

I can see how that would work. But I would need to know you pretty well before I could stop myself from taking things to harshly. Still, it's your life, I'm sure your methods work as well as mine.

[chris1207]

No wonder you like TJ's BlackCat because they're completely ignorant of context. Well nearly so.

Runvardh, she slept with you after 4 days because you're an infp. I've met some infp girls in my time and man they are so cute. The dirty thing I would think about when they were around were unlike my interactions with any other type. :D I just don't know where it comes from. Maybe it's the Fe = nurturer and Fi = nurtured thing mentioned earlier.

Then afterwards she probably realized, "holy crap, I'm not in 100% control of the situation, I need to back off"

I really like the list of types that Blackcat mentioned that are compatible with ENFJ's as well as the reasons. I've known a couple of immature female intps and I agree that I wouldn't have wanted to have a relationship with them. Being emotional for INTP's means making themselves vulnerable. The fact that they were immature means that they weren't ready to connect on that level. Plus they had a penchant for wanting to be right all the time. That would get annoying quick.

I didn't think the ESTP thing was interesting. I can see where the compatibility comes from but I really think they are just more of our wingmen (errr... women.) Sure it's fun to hang out with them but I don't know if it could go deeper than that. I'm not sure that I'd necessarily find an ESTP to be all that attractive. They're in-your-face to everybody about everything. My one ESTP female friend was in my store with other customers getting a phone from my manager and she was going down the list of features that she wanted. Then she said that she needed one that needed a good vibrate function, "Cuz we all know girls need some good vibrato!" Ridiculous! :P

I sure do like these ENFJ relationship thread thingamabobs. It's so annoying that ENFJ's are perhaps the most discounted/ignored of the NF types here at TypeC. :(

[SpottingTrains]

Runvardh, she slept with you after 4 days because you're an infp. I've met some infp girls in my time and man they are so cute. The dirty thing I would think about when they were around were unlike my interactions with any other type. :D I just don't know where it comes from. Maybe it's the Fe = nurturer and Fi = nurtured thing mentioned earlier.

:yes:

I sure do like these ENFJ relationship thread thingamabobs. It's so annoying that ENFJ's are perhaps the most discounted/ignored of the NF types here at TypeC. :(

We're slowing gaining more :D

[Lauren Ashley]

I sure do like these ENFJ relationship thread thingamabobs. It's so annoying that ENFJ's are perhaps the most discounted/ignored of the NF types here at TypeC. :(

I think it's because there aren't many ENFJs here that post on a regular basis. I tried to get my ENFJ sister interested in typology but she's too busy doing stuff with people irl *shivers*

[runvardh]

Eh, I think I just gave in too quick. Had something similar happen to me with an INFJ only she strung me along to keep a fantasy alive. Kind of funny, both seemed to start because it had been a while since they scratched the itch then they probably felt bad for using me afterward. Either way, I won't hold it against type; I just need to be careful I'm not the easy to reach fluffy pillow.

[Domino]

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, gaining my trust is a very long road. The smoother it is the longer it takes.

Truly. I'm the same way. Even when I know immediately that I've got you sized up, I still like to see things unroll in sane progression.

[The Third Rider]

wow, no wonder I am single.:D

[SpottingTrains]

wow, no wonder I am single.:D

What do you mean?

[OrangeAppled]

I think ENFJ males & INFP females can be a good pairing. From my experience, ENFJs make great friends & I could see myself in a romantic relationship with one.

I'm lazy, so I'm copying a post of mine from INFPgc discussing the possible pros of INFP + ENFJ (in response to a thread on INFPs having NO match :shock: ).

I will suggest one possible pairing (of MANY, I am sure).

ENFJs can be good match for us. I find this to be true of the ones I know.
Some things I have noted:

- ENFJs are not the typical extroverts. They generally like their people time to be in small groups or one-on-one, and they don't bulldoze over you. However, their extroversion is just right to pull the INFP into the real world.

- The INFP's introversion is admirable to them....ENFJs are some of the few extroverts I know who admire the intricate world & imagination of an introverted intuitive. Most of them I know go around saying they are shy, wanting to be regarded as an introvert too.

- The INFP offers the ENFJ the deep, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual connection they crave. Our complexity works in our favor with them.
I notice ENFJs have a lot of surface relationships, but they highly value having a few deep connections & they only open up to a few special people. They want a kindred spirit, as do INFPs.

- They are very encouraging & nurturing, just what an INFP needs to grow as a person & open up to someone (not criticism).

- The INFPs overwhelming positive response to a little bit of praise & support makes the ENFJ happy. They need to be needed, and need to feel they "inspire" someone to meet their potential.

- The both need to feel potential for growth, being idealists. Neither will be happy in a stagnant relationship, so they will both be willing to work to improve the relationship & maintain harmony.

- Being an NF, ENFJs are also not the typical Js. They can like spontaneity and be less uptight about neatness & time schedules. However, they do have more structure in their life. Part of that structure is keeping their relationships "organized", which is good, because an INFP can withdraw into their own little world & forget about human contact. The ENFJ won't let it happen.

- The INFPs values are less influenced by society, and they may anchor the ENFJ who may blow with the wind more in their effort to be liked.

- Both being NFs works for communication. There may be conflict with FeNi and NeFi (ie. Fi may be horrified by Fe's seemingly fake social face, and Fe may find Fi socially inept at times.), but I think it has potential to be complementary & provides enough difference to keep things interesting.

[The Third Rider]

What do you mean?

Well I am just referring to all the dirty laundry that people pull out when talking about ENFJs and their past relationships.

[SpottingTrains]

Very nice post Orange : D

[runvardh]

Well I am just referring to all the dirty laundry that people pull out when talking about ENFJs and their past relationships.

Eh, I'd rather not associate a type with the dirty laundry, just the person. My grandmother is at the point where I really can't tell if she's S or N, but she's always happier when the family is together, was open enough to defy parents when she married my grandfather, and manages to keep a home while still deeply engaged in all her interests. I could handle someone with that kind of potential.

[CopyPaste]

I will suggest one possible pairing (of MANY, I am sure).

ENFJs can be good match for us. I find this to be true of the ones I know.
Some things I have noted:

- ENFJs are not the typical extroverts. They generally like their people time to be in small groups or one-on-one, and they don't bulldoze over you. However, their extroversion is just right to pull the INFP into the real world.

- The INFP's introversion is admirable to them....ENFJs are some of the few extroverts I know who admire the intricate world & imagination of an introverted intuitive. Most of them I know go around saying they are shy, wanting to be regarded as an introvert too.

- The INFP offers the ENFJ the deep, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual connection they crave. Our complexity works in our favor with them.
I notice ENFJs have a lot of surface relationships, but they highly value having a few deep connections & they only open up to a few special people. They want a kindred spirit, as do INFPs.

- They are very encouraging & nurturing, just what an INFP needs to grow as a person & open up to someone (not criticism).

- The INFPs overwhelming positive response to a little bit of praise & support makes the ENFJ happy. They need to be needed, and need to feel they "inspire" someone to meet their potential.

- The both need to feel potential for growth, being idealists. Neither will be happy in a stagnant relationship, so they will both be willing to work to improve the relationship & maintain harmony.

- Being an NF, ENFJs are also not the typical Js. They can like spontaneity and be less uptight about neatness & time schedules. However, they do have more structure in their life. Part of that structure is keeping their relationships "organized", which is good, because an INFP can withdraw into their own little world & forget about human contact. The ENFJ won't let it happen.

- The INFPs values are less influenced by society, and they may anchor the ENFJ who may blow with the wind more in their effort to be liked.

- Both being NFs works for communication. There may be conflict with FeNi and NeFi (ie. Fi may be horrified by Fe's seemingly fake social face, and Fe may find Fi socially inept at times.), but I think it has potential to be complementary & provides enough difference to keep things interesting.


Sounds nice, even considering I'm a male INFP. How many ENFJs can vouch for the validity of these descriptions?

[SpottingTrains]

Sounds nice, even considering I'm a male INFP. How many ENFJs can vouch for the validity of these descriptions?

I can honestly say 100% for the entire thing.

[BlackCat]

Those descriptions sound good, I can definitely see an ENFJ-INFP pairing work out. It would all depend on the individuals though. As I said before I don't think it would work for me.

This match seems to be pretty rare, I don't ever really hear of anything from INFP-ENFJ couples. Anyone know of anything?

[SpottingTrains]

Those descriptions sound good, I can definitely see an ENFJ-INFP pairing work out.

Slowly coming over to the dark side :vader1:

[Udog]

In my general observations:

ENFJ women seem to be drawn towards XXTP types.
ENFJ men seem to be drawn towards other NFs.

I don't have much knowledge about how well these matchups work long term, though.

[The Third Rider]

In my general observations:

ENFJ women seem to be drawn towards XXTP types.
ENFJ men seem to be drawn towards other NFs.

I don't have much knowledge about how well these matchups work long term, though.

Yeah I am drawn more to NF women.

[SpottingTrains]

NF definitely but I could see an INTP or an ISFP...maybe.

[Udog]

I wonder if it's a dominance thing? ENFJ can possibly considered to be the most 'typically' dominant of the NF types. If there is an NF in a position of social power, it's probably ENFJ.

For the males, being the dominant NF is fine, so they are drawn to the softer, more intimate NF type connection.

For the females, though, their dominant personality can cause issues with the other NFs. They don't necessarily need to be out dominated, but they need someone that's more masculine than they are in a typical way. The xxTPs work out well because they fill this role, but don't create the type of minutia power struggle you could see in a xxTJ type relationship.

Blah blah blah... thinking out loud. :) Very possible I'm full of it.

[SpottingTrains]

I wonder if it's a dominance thing? ENFJ can possibly considered to be the most 'typically' dominant of the NF types. If there is an NF in a position of social power, it's probably ENFJ.

For the males, being the dominant NF is fine, so they are drawn to the softer, more intimate NF type connection.

For the females, though, their dominant personality can cause issues with the other NFs. They don't necessarily need to be out dominated, but they need someone that's more masculine than they are in a typical way. The xxTPs work out well because they fill this role, but don't create the type of minutia power struggle you could see in a xxTJ type relationship.

Blah blah blah... thinking out loud. :) Very possible I'm full of it.

It all made sense to me :yes:

[Domino]

I really like and relate to your explanation, Udog. I find that I'm considered rather intense (even when totally quiet) and vaguely insane though well-meaning. INFP guys aren't hard to break (they're tough mentally), but I think my Fe-primary makes them feel like they're being roasted alive! Having said that, I think ENFJs and INFPs can be very happy together. (And I must admit to having had more than a few INFP boy crushes too...)

My ISFP friend who called me last night, I was telling him about meeting someone's girlfriend and managing to freak the woman out TWICE, and he said "Girl. I love you, but I can see that."

I was trying so hard to be on my best behavior and be friendly, only it came off more like that scene in "Beauty and the Beast" where Belle's trying to teach him table manners and he smiles this huge scary smile. lol Lady Jaye told me this, patting me and laughing sympathetically when I put my head in my hands in total defeat.

*embarrassed grimace*

[Scott N Denver]

"INFP guys aren't hard to break (they're tough mentally)"

I'm confused, that sounds contradictory...

"but I think my Fe-primary makes them feel like they're being roasted alive!"
I don't know you personally, but in my past dealing with Fe-doms, yes there definitely are those moments. And yet, in most of my experience, those moments were actually extremely rare. But god help you when they rolled around...:( :eek: :confused: :ouch: :ouch: :ouch: :sick: :boohoo: :boohoo: :boohoo: :doh: :run: :run: :run: :shocking: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :peepwall: :peepwall: :peepwall: :sorry: :sorry: :sorry: :sorry: :sorry:

[Domino]

Welcome to the board, Scott :) And thank you for joining in!

You caught a typo - I meant to say they were hard to break. My bad! *sheepish*

[Scott N Denver]

In my experience, it seems that INFP are more intense than ENFJ's. Hmm, let me think about this some more. ENFJ's tend to very much adapt themselves to the collective social situation, but seem to really notch up the intensity one -on-one. Especially when they really want to understand someone and "get" who they are as a person. I think INFP's tend to seem very soft and deep in their thoughts while in a group, but get them one on one and you see the depth of their intensity. However, that intensity is usually inward turned as opposed to beaming into someone else's face. ENFJ intensity far more seems to beam out at others. Personally, I can have an extremely intense presence, but thats probably due to my military, martial arts, and meditative yoga backgrounds. Hmm, yes maybe ENFJ's due have more intense presences one-on-one than do INFP's in a in-your-face and in-your-head sorta way...

Personally, I think ENFJ's are totally awesome, I often have moments where I wish I could be one, I've had extremely transformative experiences in dealing with them, and I tend to always envy their social prowice [sp] and adeptness. A lot of me wishes I could end up marrying an ENFJ someday, but as a male INFP there's definitely factors making that harder/less likely.

[Kungpowish]

In my experience, it seems that INFP are more intense than ENFJ's. Hmm, let me think about this some more. ENFJ's tend to very much adapt themselves to the collective social situation, but seem to really notch up the intensity one -on-one. Especially when they really want to understand someone and "get" who they are as a person. I think INFP's tend to seem very soft and deep in their thoughts while in a group, but get them one on one and you see the depth of their intensity. However, that intensity is usually inward turned as opposed to beaming into someone else's face. ENFJ intensity far more seems to beam out at others. Personally, I can have an extremely intense presence, but thats probably due to my military, martial arts, and meditative yoga backgrounds. Hmm, yes maybe ENFJ's due have more intense presences one-on-one than do INFP's in a in-your-face and in-your-head sorta way...

Personally, I think ENFJ's are totally awesome, I often have moments where I wish I could be one, I've had extremely transformative experiences in dealing with them, and I tend to always envy their social prowice [sp] and adeptness. A lot of me wishes I could end up marrying an ENFJ someday, but as a male INFP there's definitely factors making that harder/less likely.


I think people feel intense around us, or at least have a good time, but we are not always that intense ourselves. We have a lot of intensity in us but we only let it out when it's appropriate. That can be in one on one situations but sometimes people need a softer touch. The point I'm trying to make is, we are what people need us to be, if we can also be intense so much the better, but we really just want people to like us.

[OrangeAppled]

In my experience, it seems that INFP are more intense than ENFJ's. Hmm, let me think about this some more. ENFJ's tend to very much adapt themselves to the collective social situation, but seem to really notch up the intensity one -on-one. Especially when they really want to understand someone and "get" who they are as a person. I think INFP's tend to seem very soft and deep in their thoughts while in a group, but get them one on one and you see the depth of their intensity. However, that intensity is usually inward turned as opposed to beaming into someone else's face. ENFJ intensity far more seems to beam out at others. Personally, I can have an extremely intense presence, but thats probably due to my military, martial arts, and meditative yoga backgrounds. Hmm, yes maybe ENFJ's due have more intense presences one-on-one than do INFP's in a in-your-face and in-your-head sorta way...

Personally, I think ENFJ's are totally awesome, I often have moments where I wish I could be one, I've had extremely transformative experiences in dealing with them, and I tend to always envy their social prowice [sp] and adeptness. A lot of me wishes I could end up marrying an ENFJ someday, but as a male INFP there's definitely factors making that harder/less likely.

:yes: My experience too.

I will add that with the particular ENFJ males I know, they seem amused by my Fi & it's bluntness. They think it is funny that I am "mean" (lack of Fe), which is cool as other people may feel I'm abrasive. I suppose I haven't had too much Fe & Fi clashing with them because they just have a great sense of humor.

[Kungpowish]

:yes: My experience too.

I will add that with the particular ENFJ males I know, they seem amused by my Fi & it's bluntness. They think it is funny that I am "mean" (lack of Fe), which is cool as other people may feel I'm abrasive. I suppose I haven't had too much Fe & Fi clashing with them because they just have a great sense of humor.

Well, most of us can tell what someone means by something. So as long as someone is not actually mean yeah it can be fun. But some Fi people are actually mean, or at least don't seem to care about the feelings of those around them, that's not funny.:frown:

[OrangeAppled]

Well, most of us can tell what someone means by something. So as long as someone is not actually mean yeah it can be fun. But some Fi people are actually mean, or at least don't seem to care about the feelings of those around them, that's not funny.:frown:

Well, I'm not mean like that....more ornery & feisty, and I can have a dry humor that they actually get.

[Scott N Denver]

I remember when my ENFJ friend said something like "Oh I get it now, you actually MEAN what you say!" At the time I found that a very odd statement [why yes, of course, I meant what I said, don't people normally mean what they say???] I also remember a comment like "I'm not as good as you" which I contextually interpreted along the lines of "I am not as saintly as you and I can't keep up with/operate on the level of your Fi". But there were group situations where my Fi didn't do what Fe deemed appropriate, and other times where my deeply felt Fi feelings were criticized for not sounding "convincing enough." In reference to the "not sounding convincing", I remember thinking at the time "I hope you never have to understand where I'm at right now or where that statement came from or why it sounded the way it did". Those were not pretty times. Spending time with that ENFJ was great, but the situations I was around before that were definitely not F_ positive. Physics grad school is NOT a good place for NF's, or having F, or expressing/manifesting F.

[Udog]

I really like and relate to your explanation, Udog. I find that I'm considered rather intense (even when totally quiet) and vaguely insane though well-meaning. INFP guys aren't hard to break (they're tough mentally), but I think my Fe-primary makes them feel like they're being roasted alive! Having said that, I think ENFJs and INFPs can be very happy together. (And I must admit to having had more than a few INFP boy crushes too...)

Personally, I could see ENFJ being a viable possibility for me, but unlike with INFJs and ENFPs I have no real-life experience to draw from. I know from my experiences with INFJs that I would have a couple of caveats and red flags to watch out for. Fi + Fe works wonderfully when it works, but it's a pretty big chasm to cross!

I think part of the reason the xxTP connection works is because they have Fe, so they understand where the ENFJ is coming from, but generally lack intense empathy. They get you, they care, but they don't feel with you. Chances of getting overwhelmed are slim and rare.

INFPs, when we are aware of someone's emotions at all, usually have pretty intense empathy. Luckily, many INFPs excel at absorbing and dealing with that kind of stuff, which is what I think makes the ENFJ/INFP relationship very intimate at that level. INFPs role with the punches with an ENFJ.

The problem is that in a relationship, I can see those blows chipping away at my defenses, bit by bit. Doubly true if directed at me. I'd need the ENFJ to help build those back up during the happier times, for sure. Without that, eventually they'd punch through, and yeah, I can't imagine that being very pleasant at all. For me, it would be death by one thousand needles vs being flame-broiled, though.

In the other direction, there is a tendency for the INFP to bury emotions. We feel them, but don't express them. We don't always hold them in out of nobility, either, but sometimes we like to think we are. The ENFJ needs and deserves to have them expressed. This problem is certainly more common in the INFP male, who probably learned at an early age to hide emotions.

A lot of me wishes I could end up marrying an ENFJ someday, but as a male INFP there's definitely factors making that harder/less likely.

Just remember, at the end of the day you gotta throw away the theory. It's not INFP(m) and a ENFJ(f)... it's just you and the lady you care for. MBTI doesn't have statistics for that sort of thing.

[SpottingTrains]

ENFJ's tend to very much adapt themselves to the collective social situation, but seem to really notch up the intensity one -on-one. Especially when they really want to understand someone and "get" who they are as a person.


I agree completely with this. I love one to one conversations and I think I do come off as having a rather intense aura.

[chris1207]

I think that ENFJ's have to learn to not be so intense and sometimes overbearing and sometimes controlling. They could definitely lose the infp that way. What are some negatives about INFP's? PPL don't talk about those too much, I assume, because INFP's don't have a tendency to rile ppl up. They just do their own thing...

[The Grand Chameleon]

I think that ENFJ's have to learn to not be so intense and sometimes overbearing and sometimes controlling.

A healthy ENFJ must learn tact, so that he/she might become unhealthy and see these, "weaknesses" for what they really are: tools. Give people what they want to see in you, and they will come to you.

[g_vartan]

I think that ENFJ's have to learn to not be so intense and sometimes overbearing and sometimes controlling. They could definitely lose the infp that way.

This also happened in my relationship with an INTP. I don't know if I can do this; I wish I can. I can definitely be intense/passionate. It's so rare for me to find someone that I *really* like that when I do, I kinda go ga-ga :cry: It's really hard to reign it in sometimes.

[Domino]

I'm extremely particular too, G. Or simply Ni-oblivious until something yanks my head around. That's how I met my ISTP and ENTP ex-bfs. I had no intention of liking either one of them, but they made themselves material, and I fell hard for both of them. It's nice when you can just be yourself and no one's criticizing you.

I liked them both because not only could they handle my high octane nature, they seemed to encourage it. Not in a bad way either. Just seemed to like the wall of fire.

I had an INTP bf, and I think he saw me in both a positive and negative way - I think ultimately he decided that I was too much. That was very disappointing, and I felt undermined because I never pointed that finger at him. It seemed ludicrous too when he said this to me and then went after ESTxs who are forces of nature.

To be so judged, to be determined as not as great as they thought you were... yes. That hurts. That hurts quite a lot. I knew an INTP that I really liked who didn't mind me at all - I think he saw me very clearly for what I was - but he was married.

I feel that ENFJs are the true shadow of ISTPs - we're reflecting their lower spectrum Fe heat. We're the flip side of a very intense calm type. The mayhem has to go SOMEWHERE...

[g_vartan]

...I had an INTP bf, and I think he saw me in both a positive and negative way - I think ultimately he decided that I was too much. That was very disappointing, and I felt undermined because I never pointed that finger at him...

To be so judged, to be determined as not as great as they thought you were... yes. That hurts. That hurts quite a lot...

I feel that ENFJs are the true shadow of ISTPs - we're reflecting their lower spectrum Fe heat. We're the flip side of a very intense calm type. The mayhem has to go SOMEWHERE...

This really hit home for me. :yes: This is exactly what occurred to me as well. My self-esteem took a real hit as I opened up to him as I have never done before, only to be hit where I am emotionally vulnerable. That experience forever changed me. I'm more logical, more guarded, and more deliberate/thoughtful now because of this experience. But I'm afraid I lost my idealism and romantic innocence.

I'm mad at myself that I can't let go of this relationship, i.e., no communication, no romantic feelings. Perhaps ENFJs have a bit of masochist to them --- I see the best in others, their potential, and make excuses or justifications for their bad behavior or criticisms. I still hope that things could change; he has made effort to show me that he's made progress. But I'm not sure if one could really re-start a relationship with someone whose broke your heart.

"ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people." :cry:

[Scott N Denver]

Do people think that ENFJ's generally have thinner psychological boundaries than do INFP's?

I read somewhere that INFP's generally have an extremely strong sense of self [ie they no who they are], but tend to be somewhat deficient in dealing with others, and in particular situating themselves within a group. ENFJ's are the opposite, they innately know what groups want and can adjust themselves to provide that. However, supposedly they aren't good at blocking out that external/social noise and seeing themselves for who they innately are [as opposed to how they adapt to any particular individual and that individuals needs]. I could be remembering this wrong, or explaining it wrong though.

Thoughts?

Also, do you feel "thrown around by your passions?" Perhaps relatedly, in your experience do INFP's tend to "ground" you, or at least accept your being thrown around and even try to follow along for your benefit?

[Domino]

This really hit home for me. :yes: This is exactly what occurred to me as well. My self-esteem took a real hit as I opened up to him as I have never done before, only to be hit where I am emotionally vulnerable. That experience forever changed me. I'm more logical, more guarded, and more deliberate/thoughtful now because of this experience. But I'm afraid I lost my idealism and romantic innocence.

Dear me. I'm sorry. :( We run off of magic, and I'd hate to see your vitality siphoned away by a careless man. I don't think other people realize how easy it is to crush us. We hold up under a tremendous lot of strain, we have to as Fe-primaries, but betrayal isn't one of those strains we handle without some buckling. For me, it borders on catastrophic/extinction level depending on the personal importance of who did it to me. My ENFP sister says when I fade and stop speaking is when she gets angry and worried. (And then she destroys the offender with her awesome Don't Mess With My Sister ray gun).

This reaction is NOT for everyone. It's reserved for those who've managed to get past my security systems and were deeply trusted.


I'm mad at myself that I can't let go of this relationship, i.e., no communication, no romantic feelings.

So you're still in it?


Perhaps ENFJs have a bit of masochist to them --- I see the best in others, their potential, and make excuses or justifications for their bad behavior or criticisms. I still hope that things could change; he has made effort to show me that he's made progress. But I'm not sure if one could really re-start a relationship with someone whose broke your heart.

I'm going to be honest here - there are certain betrayals you simply can't recover from. Those vary by person and situation. For me, there's a short list of things you must never do to me, serious things, things I make very obvious, or else I'm out the door. Once my trust is obliterated, I can't love you, not like that. From a distance, yes. In principle, yes. But never again as an integral part of me.

For those whom I've loved very dearly, when they betray me or do something awful to me, I find myself being very angry and taking measures to protect myself/others from them, while crying and helplessly trying to make what they did less hurtful, less awful or mean. I find myself furious and grieving my heart out for the separation that I never wanted in the first place.

I remember after a rare and bad argument between me and my ISTP bff, we were separated for days, and when we finally saw each other again, I grabbed on and started crying. I could see how much he missed me and I missed him, and he hugged me really tight and said "We're never doing that again... I mean it..." His heart was hammering. Fighting with him felt awful to both of us. Bad fights can happen without betrayal occurring.

[Domino]

Do people think that ENFJ's generally have thinner psychological boundaries than do INFP's?

I read somewhere that INFP's generally have an extremely strong sense of self [ie they no who they are], but tend to be somewhat deficient in dealing with others, and in particular situating themselves within a group. ENFJ's are the opposite, they innately know what groups want and can adjust themselves to provide that. However, supposedly they aren't good at blocking out that external/social noise and seeing themselves for who they innately are [as opposed to how they adapt to any particular individual and that individuals needs]. I could be remembering this wrong, or explaining it wrong though.

Thoughts?

Also, do you feel "thrown around by your passions?" Perhaps relatedly, in your experience do INFP's tend to "ground" you, or at least accept your being thrown around and even try to follow along for your benefit?

Yes. I feel in Technicolor which is why I have to protect myself from waves of other peoples' emotions.

INFPs are SO TOUGH. Mentally, like they're steel-clad. I can only admire that sort of fortitude. The INFPs I know deeply empathize with my NF nature, and prove to be quite the focusing mechanism, like rods catching and grounding lightning. They tend to be very protective of me too, like they can sense my weaknesses.

[g_vartan]

Do people think that ENFJ's generally have thinner psychological boundaries than do INFP's?
?

ENFJs are so externally focused, usually have an open door policy, and often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear. They tend to idealize their relationships to a higher plane than reality; and highly likely to value the other person's needs often than their own. It puts ENFJs often in a very vulnerable spot. ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types and criticism from these very few people they extremely value is taken hard by ENFJs.

....This reaction is NOT for everyone. It's reserved for those who've managed to get past my security systems and were deeply trusted....So you're still in it?...For those whom I've loved very dearly, when they betray me or do something awful to me, I find myself being very angry and taking measures to protect myself/others from them, while crying and helplessly trying to make what they did less hurtful, less awful or mean. I find myself furious and grieving my heart out for the separation that I never wanted in the first place...I remember after a rare and bad argument between me and my ISTP bff, we were separated for days, and when we finally saw each other again, I grabbed on and started crying. I could see how much he missed me and I missed him, and he hugged me really tight and said "We're never doing that again... I mean it..." His heart was hammering. Fighting with him felt awful to both of us. Bad fights can happen without betrayal occurring.

Its kinda weird; I can handle *a lot* that others give, just not from him. I guess since he is one of the very few who I have shown my true self to, when he criticizes me, I feel that he is really speaking to my core. It cuts deep, even though his intentions isn't to hurt; its more because he is lacking the ability to be emotional sensitive and reciprocate appropriately. It also doesn't help that I do not always pay attention to my own needs and often do not ask for sweet words and loving affirmation....even though this is exactly what I need. I automatically think of the worst when this is not given; I'm really hard on myself and sometimes have a pessimistic outlook for things related to myself.

We seem to still be emotionally attached to one another. According to him, his hesitation to pursue a relationship before was due to distance, and work situation (we both worked at the same place), but given the latter is no longer an issue (he has recently quit), we've been recently talking about me possibly moving to his city.

Perhaps the reason why I continue is because I know my weakness -- I am sensitive to criticism. I came from a rather emotionally abusive family hence, when my INTP wasn't showing affection as much as I needed or didn't "reciprocate" as I expected, and when he said several insensitive things, I really took it *hard*. I guess I blame myself for a lot of the issues (even though he is far from perfect). I know I am emotionally stronger now, but I am not sure if I can handle future insensitive emotional outbursts (as INTPs sometimes do). My counselor said that I need to be particularly sensitive to this -- I tend to be attracted to insensitive folks because I had an insensitive father.

I can relate to what occurred between you and your ISTP bff. In a weird way, I feel that we kinda needed to tear each other up to get to a space where we were able to fully express what we were feeling and needing. The adjustment though was intense and harsh; yet, we are still both here. Our interactions are now more soft and expresses care. Perhaps this is part of growing up. Dunno. I'll probably see him in December for the first time in more than a year. I guess I'll get a better idea of what he and I am feeling then. I doubt my relationship skills now though -- perhaps I'm not the best judge of character or identifying those who are compatible with me.

Thanks Pink :hug: Its nice to know that others have had similar experiences; makes me feel a bit more "normal" (if there is such a thing).

[Scott N Denver]

Pink Piranha: "INFPs are SO TOUGH. Mentally, like they're steel-clad. I can only admire that sort of fortitude."

I always am a little taken-back when I hear things like this. Can you expand on this or explain it at all? We know our values and stick to them, and I guess we are much better than others at seeing others mental/emotional intrusiveness and fending it off. But don't others frequently see us as soft, passive, live and let live, dreamy, philosophical idealists? Hardly a Rambo-esque image! In fact, one of my work friends nicknamed me Rambo, because in his eyes it was the exact opposite of what I am! My response was just "dude, just don't call me Bambi!" I think F's may see me/us as tough/enduring, but T's no. I think I've made many a T laugh when I've brought that idea up. "Scott, you, tough. WTF?!?!?!?" :huh: :shock:

I think most people I know, at least from work anyways, would use words like: wimpy, excessively passive, too soft, weak, spineless, pus__, etc. But then again I do work with lots of T's. In particular, lots of IST's, NTJ's, and STJ's. Maybe they just don't see others emotional resilience? Maybe cuz many of them don't particularly see others emotions??? One coworker once said "Your such a pushover!" Maybe I've just met a lot of T's who take a bulldozer-ish approach to feelings and others. "I'll ignore or just run over it", or some such motto. After having been run over a lot, I'm always a little surprised when people see me/us as tough. That's all.

Thanks though, it's nice to feel appreciated/respected! :wubbie:

[OrangeAppled]

I think that ENFJ's have to learn to not be so intense and sometimes overbearing and sometimes controlling. They could definitely lose the infp that way. What are some negatives about INFP's? PPL don't talk about those too much, I assume, because INFP's don't have a tendency to rile ppl up. They just do their own thing...


Really? I find I rile people up by doing nothing at all.
Being quiet seriously annoys many extroverts. Because we are not gregarious, we get stuck with tags like cold, aloof, rude, self-absorbed, etc. We have to make a conscious & deliberate effort to come across as friendly to people. For me, I feel like I am acting in such a scenario. It's so phony & tiring, but it's that or be called a snob. People are offended by my doing nothing when they feel I should do something. They take my independence as a slight to their company.

Being guarded and not opening up easily to people actually hurts them & makes them feel like I am not interested in being close (I am...I just take time). INFPs generally have a wall up, and behind the wall they are buried 6 ft underground and curled up in an iron clad shell. Good luck getting inside :D.

And now in a total contradiction of what I just said, somehow criticism is this toxic smoke that filtrates into our shells and stings like a mother, and makes us come charging out with the ammunition strapped on (& the fact that I am comparing social interaction to battle says something right there).
Our extreme sensitivity and ability to see an insult where there is none is very annoying to others. We make people walk on eggshells. Then, they still are often way off in sensing what offends us & what doesn't. It's comical when I think of how people try to avoid hurting me when what they need/want to say will not hurt me, and then they later inadvertently deeply hurt me with something they thought was harmless.

INFPs who are more frustrated in life lose the floaty, peaceful Mother Theresa persona and start fitting the dark, angsty teenager persona (no matter how old). Think "Robert Smith". Dude comes off as whiny, melodramatic, and juvenile to many people.

Lastly, we're also just weirdos who are square pegs in the round ESTJ holes.
If everyone likes blue, I like green. If everyone goes right, I go left, etc. I'm always the voice of dissent, so I just stay quiet.

I will note that besides the sensitivity thing, I've found less conflict with ENFJs in my weak areas.

[OrangeAppled]

In fact, one of my work friends nicknamed me Rambo, because in his eyes it was the exact opposite of what I am!

The irony is, just wait til one of these guys violates one of your dearly held values & the inner Rambo comes out (see post above....ammunition strapped on :tongue).

[Scott N Denver]

Actually, I remembered after posting, I also told him not to call me Rambo, because whether he saw it or not or agreed with it or not I did feel like I had a bit of Rambo-type personality in me. So we mutually agreed that "Conan", as in Conan the Barbarian, was the better-opposite-of-me. Bubbles is his opposite, though I often will call him Jessica (Simpson), Britney (Spears), Paris (Hilton), or some other such popular anti-INTJ person.

[Scott N Denver]

OA, do you think that we INFP's are (mentally) tough? FWIW, I don't think that we aren't, but I'm so used to others not seeing it that I am surprised when someone else does see it. NF's are frequently perceptive into others, T's not so much IME. anyways

Oh, I don't usually: "INFPs generally have a wall up, and behind the wall they are buried 6 ft underground and curled up in an iron clad shell. Good luck getting inside." , but the more time I spend in my workplaces the more I wish I did! Interestingly enough, others have commented how hard it is to get into my head and understand it. My response to them was "yeah, good luck with that one. Even if do you get one part of what's going on in my head your still going to have all the like 600 other ones that won't make any sense to you!" Do you think most INFP's have serious walls up? I've rarely felt that way about INFP's personally, but then again I usually don't have a threatening presence so maybe people just feel more comfortable around me?

ENFJ's, sorry if were temporarily taking over your thread. We still love you, we promise!

[OrangeAppled]

OA, do you think that we INFP's are (mentally) tough? FWIW, I don't think that we aren't, but I'm so used to others not seeing it that I am surprised when someone else does see it. NF's are frequently perceptive into others, T's not so much IME. anyways

Oh, I don't usually: "INFPs generally have a wall up, and behind the wall they are buried 6 ft underground and curled up in an iron clad shell. Good luck getting inside." , but the more time I spend in my workplaces the more I wish I did! Interestingly enough, others have commented how hard it is to get into my head and understand it. My response to them was "yeah, good luck with that one. Even if do you get one part of what's going on in my head your still going to have all the like 600 other ones that won't make any sense to you!" Do you think most INFP's have serious walls up? I've rarely felt that way about INFP's personally, but then again I usually don't have a threatening presence so maybe people just feel more comfortable around me?

ENFJ's, sorry if were temporarily taking over your thread. We still love you, we promise!

I don't mean a wall as in something menacing, but we can be hard to get to know (as you said, "get in our head") and to get close to emotionally. I know this because people have commented on it to me also...they say I am "guarded". I might say I am "private".
As I noted though, we are sensitive, which is what I think you're alluding to in your work place atmosphere. That can make us seem soft & vulnerable.

I am not threatening either. I think I seem like a little doe-eyed deer in the headlights, and then I scurry away into the magical INFP la-la land forest and they have to scurry after me...and good luck catching me. Some people recognize I run away from fear, others are offended by it.

I think we are strong in that it's hard to get past our shell. If someone cannot grasp you or get close to you emotionally, they cannot hurt you deeply. We may be sensitive and get offended easily, but we're also resilient with those shallow hurts (thanks to Ne & Te I think). If someone gets inside to the warm & gooey part, I think they can do a lot of lasting damage though. That's why many of us stay guarded.
I also think we can seem tough when Fi's values are violated...as noted, we take a firm stand then that is impressive to others. Otherwise, yeah, we just go with the flow.

Okay...back to ENFJ talk :D

[Domino]

Wacky INFPs! Taking over our thread! lol :D Don't mind at all!

What I meant by "mental toughness" of INFPs also extends to the ENFPs. Being raised with my ENFP twin sister, I've learned a lot from her about what endurance means. She's such a thing to be admired. She's taken stands against tyrannical people, and she's pushed through a tremendous amount of physical pain all her life. I'm not sure if it's the Ne/Fi combination or not, but I think it may have something to do with it. If you're trying to destroy an NFP, it'll take a while. Several of my INFP girlfriends astonish me with their resiliency, even after horrific traumas. They continue to try to remain open to life and to others in spite of what's happened to them. I think they derive great comfort from me, when I reaffirm their ideas and their validity, and their humanity, and they tell me that they feel safe and understood with me around. That's a really great feeling.

G - I think that your willingness to be open and to take a hard look at yourself is a very brave and responsible thing to do. I know it's tough, but you just keep being brave and moving forward. Things have a way of making themselves clear.

[BlackCat]

After having thought for a bit, this question was raised in my head. Who really IS a surefire good relationship for an ENFJ? What would be the steadiest, most reliable yet most compatible partner for an ENFJ? I'm not an ENFJ but I can't think of anything.

I think that this goes for the NFs in general, who is the sure fire good relationship? It definitely varies from person to person with their preferences and the like.

Going by the "keep the E/I" theory that's thrown around, this would be my opinion of a "steady" relationship. ISTJ + INFP just seems very steady. Not sure about ISTP + INFJ, but I hear the same from that.

As examined in other threads and in here, ESTP + ENFJ isn't exactly a reliable relationship, both people have a lot of fire inside and energy (that isn't all, but you get my point). It seems very hit and miss to me.

So what is the "reliable" and "steady" relationship for an ENFJ do you think? INFP possibly? I am also thinking maybe an ESTJ that isn't relationship stupid would be good as well.

[Udog]

I think that this goes for the NFs in general, who is the sure fire good relationship? It definitely varies from person to person with their preferences and the like.

That's what it boils down to. People don't know what they want in a relationship, and use the theory as a crutch. Which is fine, as long as you eventually start walking on your own, otherwise the crutch limits you.

< ANNOYING INFP OFF TOPIC >
You ask what type is best for INFP? I say there isn't any, and I also say that there are very few types that I can see being universally 'difficult' for INFP. I think I'd be miserable in a relationship with an ESTJ, whereas you would very likely be very happy in one. I need a weird blend of emotional intimacy and space, you need a powerful personality to contain and push you towards your destiny. Neither of us are E4 INFPs, yet we both have very unique needs.
</ ANNOYING INFP OFF TOPIC >

What type is best for ENFJ? It needs to be a type that can handle their emotion. They need to be able to affirm the ENFJ when they need it, appreciate the fact that an ENFJ shows love by nudging you in a positive direction, be able to handle the ENFJ power without taking advantage of their vulnerability, and not resent or become jealous of their need to harmonize with people. What types, by MBTI definition, do this romantically?

Beats me. It seems like many types are capable of those things, each doing it in their own unique way. The things the ENFJ needs most from their partner are found in individuals, not MBTI types.

[jtanSis1]

INFP can work if both understand how the other is. It would be magical since INFP would be white and ENFJ can be black, covering all the bases. Hey, if worse comes to worse, we could always mate each other and take a "us against the world" double black magic approach.

[Thursday]

Sounds nice, even considering I'm a male INFP. How many ENFJs can vouch for the validity of these descriptions?

Here here.

[The Grand Chameleon]

What about ENFJ-ENFJ?

[OrangeAppled]

What type is best for ENFJ? It needs to be a type that can handle their emotion. They need to be able to affirm the ENFJ when they need it, appreciate the fact that an ENFJ shows love by nudging you in a positive direction, be able to handle the ENFJ power without taking advantage of their vulnerability, and not resent or become jealous of their need to harmonize with people. What types, by MBTI definition, do this romantically?

Beats me. It seems like many types are capable of those things, each doing it in their own unique way. The things the ENFJ needs most from their partner are found in individuals, not MBTI types.

I always get stuck there with ENFJs. Their "harmonizing" can seem like shameless flirting and insincere flattery to me....:doh:

[the state i am in]

Really? I find I rile people up by doing nothing at all.
Being quiet seriously annoys many extroverts. Because we are not gregarious, we get stuck with tags like cold, aloof, rude, self-absorbed, etc. We have to make a conscious & deliberate effort to come across as friendly to people. For me, I feel like I am acting in such a scenario. It's so phony & tiring, but it's that or be called a snob. People are offended by my doing nothing when they feel I should do something. They take my independence as a slight to their company.

Being guarded and not opening up easily to people actually hurts them & makes them feel like I am not interested in being close (I am...I just take time). INFPs generally have a wall up, and behind the wall they are buried 6 ft underground and curled up in an iron clad shell. Good luck getting inside :D.

And now in a total contradiction of what I just said, somehow criticism is this toxic smoke that filtrates into our shells and stings like a mother, and makes us come charging out with the ammunition strapped on (& the fact that I am comparing social interaction to battle says something right there).
Our extreme sensitivity and ability to see an insult where there is none is very annoying to others. We make people walk on eggshells. Then, they still are often way off in sensing what offends us & what doesn't. It's comical when I think of how people try to avoid hurting me when what they need/want to say will not hurt me, and then they later inadvertently deeply hurt me with something they thought was harmless.

INFPs who are more frustrated in life lose the floaty, peaceful Mother Theresa persona and start fitting the dark, angsty teenager persona (no matter how old). Think "Robert Smith". Dude comes off as whiny, melodramatic, and juvenile to many people.

Lastly, we're also just weirdos who are square pegs in the round ESTJ holes.
If everyone likes blue, I like green. If everyone goes right, I go left, etc. I'm always the voice of dissent, so I just stay quiet.

I will note that besides the sensitivity thing, I've found less conflict with ENFJs in my weak areas.

i know someone who could have written this, right down to an estj manager that/who/that drove her fucking mad! very strange and artistic girl (and best Ne i've ever met) who asked you questions about your spirit animal and called people inspector gadget names like dr claw.

and maybe its weird sublimation or something, but i'm gonna ask, "please stop laughing!" we're trying our best! the reason we desire expression is so that we can better harmonize with you. this is what we do, and yes, we do it with everyone. very true. but when we get something worth keeping, we fucking know it.

I am not threatening either. I think I seem like a little doe-eyed deer in the headlights, and then I scurry away into the magical INFP la-la land forest and they have to scurry after me...and good luck catching me. Some people recognize I run away from fear, others are offended by it.

i've been offended by it in the past, i think, but it is difficult for me to tell. i can see why enfj would be so much better in this regard than infj. especially a somewhat neurotic 5 type.

the question remains tho, what is there to recognize and run away from? i can't see down that well. what type of feelings need to take things slow, protect themselves, etc? is it self-image? someone slighting the values that are important to you? hostility or dismissive in others? what does it have to do with enneagram wise (i assume you are 4w5)? what is specifically vulnerable (infps seem very sensitive but not necessarily neurotic like nfjs)? the sense of being deeply recognized and then discarded? or just getting in over your head, trying to manage your feelings and maintain consistency?

I always get stuck there with ENFJs. Their "harmonizing" can seem like shameless flirting and insincere flattery to me....:doh:

us nfjs do our best. Fe isn't the devil. it's a little more backhand down the line than a forehand across the court. we just learn how to relate to others outside of ourselves, work on externalities rahter than internal ones. the ideas and context vs content are what we keep inside. goddamned j left-brainedness.

[Mister Eyebrows]

I think ENFJ males & INFP females can be a good pairing. From my experience, ENFJs make great friends & I could see myself in a romantic relationship with one.

I'm lazy, so I'm copying a post of mine from INFPgc discussing the possible pros of INFP + ENFJ (in response to a thread on INFPs having NO match :shock: ).

coming from the ENFJ perspective...

Forer effect? I dunno, but I've been with an INFP for a while and this seems pretty spot-on.

I've taken on a mentorship role with her, especially in the areas that I used to struggle with that she is now facing, such as school and career anxiety, getting myself out into the world, and so on. This is by no means the basis for our relationship, however.

I've noticed that unhealthy ENFJs come to depend upon the other person's dependence. That is, their "need to be needed" is so strong that they are afraid of losing the other person when they are no longer dependent.. sometimes to the point of ensuring that their partner's needs still exist! This certainly doesn't help the partner--it's beyond selfish; it's malicious.

I'd been helping her in a class that she was struggling with, and she decided that she wanted to drop it. The unhealthy mindset described above would be one to pressure her into keeping it.. for my benefit. Naturally, I do want to see her realize her potential moreso than I'd want her to hold on to something just because I can assist her with it.

The last thing I would want is for someone to be dependent upon me in such a way. Codependence is not healthy.. especially as the basis for a relationship.

We also read each other very well, and she looks out for my interests as much as I do hers.

Early on in our relationship, I knew that she didn't want to burden me; I'd ask her if she wanted a glass of water, and she'd tell me that she didn't. But I stopped asking and just did it. She got the hint and was reassured that I actually did want to help.

I also noticed, especially on the night that we met, that I had to pull her back into the "real world" when she got lost in her own thoughts.

She does appreciate reassurance, too, and it's something that I readily give. I genuinely don't care if she's late to some appointment that we've made; we'll just make other arrangements. I don't care if she's not interested in coming to some event that I'm going to, since we're going to have somewhat differing interests if we are at all healthy. As she's one to apologize for any slight offense (as am I), it seems that reassurance in such a way can be a very good thing.

So, it works. Very well. :cheese:


In contrast, I don't know whether I could be with someone who doesn't understand other people or their motivations, or is so stubbornly independent that they cannot accept help from even their life partner. I've tried it. Can't do it again.

[SpottingTrains]

What about ENFJ-ENFJ?

I think you would have to be very similar. Conducting a social orchestra to two different tunes would be quite the undertaking. I can't see this pairing working out well if each had their own distinct few of how things should function. Maybe someone with some actual experience with it could shed some light.

[Domino]

To me, two ENFJs together sounds like a huge mistake. I'll have them in my war room though.

[SpottingTrains]

To me, two ENFJs together sounds like a huge mistake. I'll have them in my war room though.

I concur!

[Domino]

We can stand around and high-five each other while making many loud boasts and displaying our medals and rolling our cannons about.

[runvardh]

*hides munitions plans*

[Mister Eyebrows]

and rolling our cannons about.

sweet


Yeah, I don't know if I see ENFJ-ENFJ going too well, unless they're pretty open-minded and lax about their perspective on what their expectations for the other person are. .. and also the codependency trap.

[Afkan]

Okay, so at some pt in here there was a comment about ENFJs being the most dominant socially of the NFs, and that maybe that would pose a problem for female ENFJs in relationships with male NFs.

BINGO!!!!!!!

Fascinating Facts: ENFJs and INFJs are the ONLY F-types that are role dominant as opposed to role informative. OF ALL 16 TYPES.

The diff? People who primarily communicate by informing others versus people who primarily communicate by directing others. (wikipedia)

For me, the most unlikely pair has worked- ESFJ & ENFJ.

Both, dom Fe. Which means he doesn't get jealous of my wicked ppl skills.
He is role informative, and I am role dominant, so we are able to communicate and actually get things done- make decisions- but I can still beat around the bush enough to not hurt his feelings. (my gf INFP, when around her, nothing gets accomplished- bc I am trying to respect her feelings and get her to actually TELL me in the FIRST place what she wants, and she refuses to make a decision!!! Which makes me CRAZY bc I need decisions to be made QUICKLY so that everyone can get down to work!!!)

And the SJ traditional gender role thing makes him able to be feel manly enough at his core to "lead" in the relationship w/o getting thrown off by my domineering shenanigans.

The downside is that he doesn't think that my ppl skills are as "special" as other types might. But you know what? That has been nice. At first it sucked, bc I was shocked that he didn't think I had special abilities. Heeheehee. He respects my ability to intuit in relational matters, though, and finds that special.

And for me, I've always been a little too much ego and not enough humility, so my ESFJ's practical view of things- and of me- helps me to be more realistic about my abilities and other ppls reactions. I swear I have grown more than I ever have while with this man. And to me, that's what a relationship is all abt, challenging each other and helping each other to grow.

Oh- and one more thing. I wasn't nearly as aware of the real world before I met him. That has made such a difference in my happiness. I used to think it was fun to keep my head in the clouds all the time, but then when reality set in I was ALWAYS disappointed. He won't stand for me to me unrealistic 95% of the time like I want. And that has made all of the difference for me.:wubbie:

[Domino]

Okay, so at some pt in here there was a comment about ENFJs being the most dominant socially of the NFs, and that maybe that would pose a problem for female ENFJs in relationships with male NFs.

BINGO!!!!!!!

Fascinating Facts: ENFJs and INFJs are the ONLY F-types that are role dominant as opposed to role informative. OF ALL 16 TYPES.

The diff? People who primarily communicate by informing others versus people who primarily communicate by directing others. (wikipedia)

Forgive me if I'm being redundant, but this is very interesting-- would you mind elaborating on it?

[Afkan]

Forgive me if I'm being redundant, but this is very interesting-- would you mind elaborating on it?

sure!!!
People who primarily communicate by informing others versus people who primarily communicate by directing others.

Communication styles. So direct form of communication is more direct, to the pt, like when someone "tells" someone to do something.

Role informative is informing, like asking someone to do something.

All F's except for ENFJ and INFJ are role informative, so they are less direct. They beat around the bush, and sometimes its difficult for me to understand what they are asking me to do. But ppl w/ role informative styles prefer others to communicate w/ them in that same way, usually.

All T's except for ENTP and INTP are role directive. Does that explain better? I'd love to answer any more q's if I have left anything out.

[Domino]

Very interesting! I'll have to look into that further!

[Pitseleh]

Informative vs. Direct

"We are out of milk." vs. "Please get some more milk"
"The light is green." vs. "Go!"
"The boxes are heavy." vs. "Come help me move these boxes,"
"I am hungry." vs. "I want food now."
"That might not be the smartest thing to do." vs. "Don't do that."
"More bread would be nice." vs. "May I have more bread?"

Informative can be seen as "passive aggressive" while Direct can be seen as "bossy".

[fidelia]

I was reading about that being more of a P vs J thing on a website giving ways to distinguish between INFJ and INFP types. They were saying that ideally as leaders we learn to balance things out by saying both:

"We are out of milk. Can you please pick up some more?"
"Go! The light is green"
"I need some help moving these boxes because they're too heavy for me"
"I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat".
"Please put take off your shoes because they will make the carpet dirty"
and so on...

They also said that J types often assume that they are softening the bossiness by adding "please", but it is not always felt that way . P types are often ignored or not seen as authoritative enough because they are not asking directly enough. They feel it is so obvious, it is the same as requesting something, but it is not perceived that way.

[OrangeAppled]

P types are often ignored or not seen as authoritative enough because they are not asking directly enough. They feel it is so obvious, it is the same as requesting something, but it is not perceived that way.

On the other hand, J types can come off as bossy.

I don't like being told what to do. I'd rather have someone state what needs to be done, and then I will take responsibility or not. If they want to be more direct, then ask me if I can do it, but don't tell me like I'm your dog.

[Pitseleh]

On the other hand, J types can come off as bossy.

I don't like being told what to do. I'd rather have someone state what needs to be done, and then I will take responsibility or not. If they want to be more direct, then ask me if I can do it, but don't tell me like I'm your dog.

Ironically, I resent people that try to control me and will resist with a passion and I am a fairly strong J. They have to give me a logical explanation. I am with you on this.

[Udog]

There's a powerful weapon against that: The word "No". Learn to use it! :D

I've recently come to really appreciate the direct manner of communication. I sacrificed much for someone who never told me what they wanted, but would get upset when I failed to meet the invisible requirements. It's tiring.

[OrangeAppled]

There's a powerful weapon against that: The word "No". Learn to use it! :D

I've recently come to really appreciate the direct manner of communication. I sacrificed much for someone who never told me what they wanted, but would get upset when I failed to meet the invisible requirements. It's tiring.

There's definitely much middle ground between the styles.

"No" was my first word ;) :cheese:

[fidelia]

I think this is why they were suggesting that a good leader uses both informative and directive communication. That way they are clear and there is a why it needs to be done included which allows the person being asked to not feel like someone's dog and yet not trip over "invisible requirements". No matter what our natural style is, it seems to me that part of our job is becoming more balanced so that we interact better with everyone around us.

[Afkan]

Informative vs. Direct

"We are out of milk." vs. "Please get some more milk"
"The light is green." vs. "Go!"
"The boxes are heavy." vs. "Come help me move these boxes,"
"I am hungry." vs. "I want food now."
"That might not be the smartest thing to do." vs. "Don't do that."
"More bread would be nice." vs. "May I have more bread?"

Informative can be seen as "passive aggressive" while Direct can be seen as "bossy".

NICE examples!!! And so true.
I think this is why they were suggesting that a good leader uses both informative and directive communication. That way they are clear and there is a why it needs to be done included which allows the person being asked to not feel like someone's dog and yet not trip over "invisible requirements". No matter what our natural style is, it seems to me that part of our job is becoming more balanced so that we interact better with everyone around us.

agreed. i think as a leader its important to use what style the individual feels comfortable with. This is easy to pick up on from daily communication.

[fidelia]

To not be ambiguous, it seems better to me to use both informative and directive combined into the same sentence. The request along with the why for the request tends to get the best results from everyone, whether J or P, in my experience.

[Afkan]

To not be ambiguous, it seems better to me to use both informative and directive combined into the same sentence. The request along with the why for the request tends to get the best results from everyone, whether J or P, in my experience.
Ah, I see. That's quite clever.

[Mystical_Spaghetti]

Where would one go about finding an ENFJ?

Is there some sort of symbol I can flash into the sky that assembles all ENFJs within a 50 mile radius?

[Unkindloving]

Where would one go about finding an ENFJ?

Is there some sort of symbol I can flash into the sky that assembles all ENFJs within a 50 mile radius?

Yes, there's a custom bat-signal you can build. It reads "Guide Me... no, not you, God"
If you build it... they will come.

I saw you were already linked, but hopefully you spot us easily in the future :cheese:

[Mystical_Spaghetti]

Okay, I'm on it. :yes: *stows away into the cover of the night* *begins to climb building*


:D Thank you though; I hope so as well. :)

[proteanmix]

Le sigh, I don't know about ENFJs and relationships anymore.

Too much negative exposure from the opinions on this forum has unfortunately led to awkward self-consciousness about my romantic needs, wants, and desires.

I am now under the impression that my ideas of intimacy are generally referred to as controlling, codependent, possessive, and clingy.

I'm going to find me an ESFJ male and get happy. :holy:

[JoSunshine]

Le sigh, I don't know about ENFJs and relationships anymore.

Too much negative exposure from the opinions on this forum has unfortunately led to awkward self-consciousness about my romantic needs, wants, and desires.

I am now under the impression that my ideas of intimacy are generally referred to as controlling, codependent, possessive, and clingy.

I'm going to find me an ESFJ male and get happy. :holy:

I had me an ESFJ male and it was VERY happy...until it turned into a train wreck :) Then I was VERY unhappy.

I don't think it is a matter of type, I think is just finding the right person for YOU. For me personally having had LTR with an ESFJ, ESxP, INTP and INTJ and STR (2-4 months) with an INFJ, ISTJ, and others I can't type, I would definitely say it boils down to needing someone who is well-balanced, considerate and open. I think is is dangerous business when you start excluding people based on type. I think it is a way to try to preserve ourselves from being hurt, but there are awful people in every type as well as incredible people. I would say take a look at some of the threads about Rate Your Parents Relationship - you will see there that many people describe their parents' relationships as being great and there are all kinds of types that work well together.

[jtanSis1]

ENFJ's are tricky to find since they are so busy, but mostly to be found in high profile areas. As for their ideas of relationships, they like to show they care by offering suggestions you should do and doing things for you without consulting you because they're confident in what you will like. basically, as in any relationship, the person will act as if they are the same type, its understanding this that allows you to ask if its something you can handle, or if your types are too different.