Paying kids to get good grades

[Royal Xavier]

Recently an online friend of mine, whom I know fairly well, said that for a few years when she was in school her parents payed her every time she got an A. She payed them the same amount for every B she got. Normally I don't get worked up about money-related issues, but for some reason this didn't sit well with me...maybe it's because my family isn't exactly rich and I've never gotten payed despite the fact that I make mostly A's and a few B's. That was my first reaction, anyway.

But the more I think about it, the more glad I am that they don't pay me...something seems wrong about bribing your kids to get them ahead. If they're as smart as you want them to be, then shouldn't they be able to do this on their own, without getting money involved? On the other hand, if it was actually her idea and she asked them to pay her for making good grades, doesn't that still sort of make it all a lie?

I guess the reason I'm so confused about it is that she's a fairly intelligent and principled person whom I wouldn't expect to get involved with it if it were bad...so am I wrong?

[Evan]

Yeah this is the reason all the kids from my high school have such fucked up priorities now. I grew up in this stupid rich town, a donut hole in Oakland. Many parents were like this. My parents were kinda like this, except that they punished me insanely much if I didn't get all As. I only got all As one semester since 6th grade, so it made for a pretty ridiculous relationship.

To put that much weight on some letters is pretty much guaranteed to fuck up a child. Then imagine an entire grade of children with this internalized, enforcing their parents' weird ass priorities on their peers because they don't know better.

[Sunshine]

I think it depends. I got payed all through out school for the As and Bs I got and it didn't do anything bad to me. When I went into college I didn't suddenly start getting Ds and Fs because I wasn't getting paid anymore. I still get As and Bs.

Pressure sucks. Like it sucks when parents pressure their kids to get good grades instead of encouraging them to get good grades.

[FDG]

I've never got payed for anything grades-related up to the college level. Thakfully now there exist scolarships. However from time to time, say, if I had gotten many As on a row in a particularly difficult part of the program, or if I had been praised particularly strongly by the teachers, they'd give buy me a toy.

[Metamorphosis]

Originally Posted by Royal Xavier

Recently an online friend of mine, whom I know fairly well, said that for a few years when she was in school her parents payed her every time she got an A. She payed them the same amount for every B she got. Normally I don't get worked up about money-related issues, but for some reason this didn't sit well with me...maybe it's because my family isn't exactly rich and I've never gotten payed despite the fact that I make mostly A's and a few B's. That was my first reaction, anyway.

But the more I think about it, the more glad I am that they don't pay me...something seems wrong about bribing your kids to get them ahead. If they're as smart as you want them to be, then shouldn't they be able to do this on their own, without getting money involved? On the other hand, if it was actually her idea and she asked them to pay her for making good grades, doesn't that still sort of make it all a lie?

I guess the reason I'm so confused about it is that she's a fairly intelligent and principled person whom I wouldn't expect to get involved with it if it were bad...so am I wrong?

Isn't the whole idea of doing well in school essentially so you can save money in college via scholarships and then make more money professionaly?

It's like saying "if people are as hard working as you want them to be, you shouldn't have to pay them OT."

[Usehername]

I think it's about kids learning about intrinsic rewards. Lessons you learn in grade school are often symbolic more than practical. Kids tend to not be able to see the nuances in life until they're older, and I think that's a simple combination of (lack of) life experience mixed with physiological brain development in neuronal connections.


We used to get a book of our choice at the end of the school year when we had decent grades. I liked my parents' policy on that one.

[kyuuei]

Originally Posted by Sunshine

I think it depends. I got payed all through out school for the As and Bs I got and it didn't do anything bad to me. When I went into college I didn't suddenly start getting Ds and Fs because I wasn't getting paid anymore. I still get As and Bs.

Pressure sucks. Like it sucks when parents pressure their kids to get good grades instead of encouraging them to get good grades.

I never got paid for grades, I was definitely pressured due to poor finances in our family back then, but I was always fearful of bad grades instead of trying to learn from them and move on. It sort of undermined my confidence a bit. I felt like a mistake was fatal almost, like I would surely choke upon entering my home instead of simply thinking "That sucks! Now I don't get that comic book I wanted!" or something.

The thing is, "bribing" albeit an accurate word may be necessary. Children need motivation, and I sure as shit did NOT value my education the way I do now back then. I did it out of fear, not because I had any positive value for school. I think that would have made my school career a lot easier.

Originally Posted by Metamorphosis

Isn't the whole idea of doing well in school essentially so you can save money in college via scholarships and then make more money professionaly?

It's like saying "if people are as hard working as you want them to be, you shouldn't have to pay them OT."

Right. School is your career, and incentives must be there for anyone to succeed at anything, if you have no goal to work toward you won't want to work at all. The diploma is not always the thing most valued, even though they might value it and appreciate the effort put into it later on, it wasn't the focal point for me in school.

[GZA]

Originally Posted by dissonance

Yeah this is the reason all the kids from my high school have such fucked up priorities now. I grew up in this stupid rich town, a donut hole in Oakland. Many parents were like this. My parents were kinda like this, except that they punished me insanely much if I didn't get all As. I only got all As one semester since 6th grade, so it made for a pretty ridiculous relationship.

To put that much weight on some letters is pretty much guaranteed to fuck up a child. Then imagine an entire grade of children with this internalized, enforcing their parents' weird ass priorities on their peers because they don't know better.

I sort of live in a place like that. I don't think most kids get paid to get good grades, but the expectations are so high and consistent that I think it does fuck soem kids up. It fucked me up in like eighth grade when I was almost failing and I was being given hell for it, only to realize now that it doesn't even matter what your grades are untill grade 12. It's like... everyone's parents are doctors or lawyers or engineers or whatever so you better be really damn good at school or else.

It at least may explain why we have the worst drug problem of any high school in the city (i.e. rich kids+stress=cocaine)

Paying kids would make it worse.

[Evan]

Originally Posted by GZA

I sort of live in a place like that. I don't think most kids get paid to get good grades, but the expectations are so high and consistent that I think it does fuck soem kids up. It fucked me up in like eighth grade when I was almost failing and I was being given hell for it, only to realize now that it doesn't even matter what your grades are untill grade 12. It's like... everyone's parents are doctors or lawyers or engineers or whatever so you better be really damn good at school or else.

It at least may explain why we have the worst drug problem of any high school in the city (i.e. rich kids+stress=cocaine)

Paying kids would make it worse.

Heh, sounds exactly the same. And although I understood it intellectually in high school, it really took me a few years after I graduated to really see how ridiculous it all was. People are still so fucked up now, and most of them just finished college -- of course, they just blew threw it with majors they thought they were supposed to do... So much pressure.

[edcoaching]

Who else has kids on the forum? My son (INFP) did great in grades K-6 when the teachers knew him, challenged him, and let him follow his own lead (like doing his animal report Jeopardy-style with the details under flaps...). Then 7th grade came around with two astoundingly boring teachers. And he would not do the work because he knew he wouldn't learn anything. He was right--the assignments were dumb. He also needed to learn how to play the game, school-style. And we had to live with him and make sure he didn't go off the deep end in depression. Paying for grades (and we didn't pay a whole lot, but they don't get an allowance, either) kept his grades above C's for the most part, until 11th grade when he came to terms with it all. Now he's at his first pick college and doing fine.

Most (not all) IJs seem wired for school--I'd have sold my soul for an A. Most IPs chafe against any schoolwork that goes against their values or principles (unless their top value is good grades). EPs may or may not be motivated--and can easily end up labeled as stars, ringleaders or ADHD. EJs...they vary more...but usually they find something to be in charge of at school...If your child is of a certain type, you may find paying for grades is quite necessary...you can't get inside their heads and motivate them...