Poor English

[Samuel De Mazarin]

Feel free to quote examples of poor English where there was no excuse for it.

For example, who thinks the British know best how to use the English language?

"He said more attacks would take place in Pakistan's major urban conurbations unless the army withdrew from the tribal areas."

From the same article: "Mr Musharraf, a key ally of President Bush's "war on terror" stepped down after nine years in power to avoid being impeached."

The BBC staff either has difficulty with appositional phrases or doesn't know how to copy-edit. Either way, it's not good.

[nolla]

"All your base are belong to us"
- some old game that was translated by Japanese

[Ivy]

Ooh! Ooh! I have one!

Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery. He lunged for the nearest painting he could see, a Caravaggio. Grabbing the gilded frame, the seventy-six-year-old man heaved the masterpiece toward himself until it tore from the wall and Saunière collapsed backward in a heap beneath the canvas.

I posted it awhile back in a thread on INTPC about "bad opening lines." It is the opening line to The Da Vinci Code (which IMO was awfully written).

[Samuel De Mazarin]

Originally Posted by Ivy

Ooh! Ooh! I have one!



I posted it awhile back in a thread on INTPC about "bad opening lines." It is the opening line to The Da Vinci Code (which IMO was awfully written).

Very nice... erm... very bad...

Seriously, though... that's a good one. Never read the book.


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As for the Japanese one... I'm torn between the thoughts that 1) they're Japanese, so it's alright... and 2) they're professional game developers who probably have access to at least one fluent speaker of English in Japan...

[CzeCze]

You should enter the contest for the 'worst opening line ever' it's run out of Santa Clara University I think. You have to think of the worst possible opening line for a novel.

[Jack Flak]

Originally Posted by Ivy

Quote:
Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery. He lunged for the nearest painting he could see, a Caravaggio. Grabbing the gilded frame, the seventy-six-year-old man heaved the masterpiece toward himself until it tore from the wall and Saunière collapsed backward in a heap beneath the canvas.

Would have gotten an A in any English class I was in.

[Samuel De Mazarin]

Originally Posted by Jack Flak

Would have gotten an A in any English class I was in.

It's melodramatic and the first sentence is loaded with way too much information:

a) Jacques Sauniere... full name... we could have found out the name later... been provided with just the first or last name, or not even..

b) He's apparently a renowned curator...

c) stumbling through the vaulted archway...

d) Grand Gallery of the museum...

Particularly as an opening line, it's too weighty. But that's just my opinion. Why do you dislike it, Ivy?

[Ivy]

Mostly just because I can see the author smugly plinking away at a typewriter coming up with it. (I still see typewriters instead of computers when I imagine writers.) Also, since when do we start novels with words like "Renowned"?

[Samuel De Mazarin]

^ yeah... very true... and that's totally on the ball with Renowned... it's not a bad scene... it's just not executed well.

[Jack Flak]

It sucks; I'm saying that sucks doesn't matter in English class.