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  1. #11
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I still haven't read the article and plan to do so before they change the home page.

    My thought was that answers would be situational and gender related.

    I've cried at work before - that third-person sort of stuff. I worked most often in the human services-type jobs where it was a given that grief was an acceptable and normal human response to some things. And that it was healthy for people not to stifle their emotions. I can imagine in a business office setting this would have a different, more judgemental, effect.

    I remember a day when we were, hands-tied, sending a pedophile back home to his wife and daughters when we had a group cry. Seemed like an appropriate response to months of hard work and bucking the judicial system. Yup.

    I worked for a period of time at night in a plastics factory where for eight hours a night I repeated the same movement over and over. One night the tears just began pouring down my cheeks. They were tears of sheer boredom.

    Those are the only times I can remember crying at work. In the latter,there was no apparent reaction that I recall. We were pretty much handcuffed to our machines and anyone who saw me could probably shrug with self-identification. "Tough life. Suck it up."

    I do remember two times when, instead of crying, which I probably wanted to do, I exploded. In one instance I shoved a male coworker out of the staff room door and slammed it. The nurses across the hall clapped and yelled, "About time you got angry!" Such a surprise. But, yes. I think I felt like crying.

    The other time I threw a clipboard across a coworker's office. He was a psychiatrist and he didn't twitch a muscle.

    I left the room and felt like an idiot. Heh. Probably cried later.

    I've seen some pretty spectacular office blow-ups on YouTube. (That may be a flip-side of crying.) Remember Michael Douglas in "Falling Down?" The workers who go "postal?" The suicides from office windows after the stock market crash in 1929?

    Maybe it would be better for society if we "allowed" crying at work?

    Before I go to bed I'll check on the article and make a few comments on what it says.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #12
    Senior Member millerm277's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Do you cry at work? (Or only feel like it? Heh.) How is that for you? Is it okay for other people to do it? What kind of implications do you think it could have for your career, or don't you think it affects it? Has anyone ever worked at a place where it's the norm? Do you think anger is more acceptable in a work setting than tears?
    No. Then again, I don't have the desire to either. However, it'd be considered VERY strange if you did, as engineering=90% male.
    I-95%, S-84%, T-89%, P-84%

  3. #13
    heart on fire
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    I would never cry at work. I don't cry in front of other people. I am really uncomfortable when people who are not close to me, as in part of my private life cry in front of me. I am just uncomfortable around really dramatic displays of emotion like that. I feel the same about people raging.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Yes, if you're going to do it quickly and quietly in the bathroom, and then come out looking like nothing ever happened.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  5. #15
    perdu fleur par bologne Martoon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    I worked for a period of time at night in a plastics factory where for eight hours a night I repeated the same movement over and over. One night the tears just began pouring down my cheeks. They were tears of sheer boredom.
    Wow. That is some serious boredom. I always thought "bored to tears" was just an expression, but I could see it happening. I know when you have to do something long after you can no longer stand to do it, you can feel like you're going to explode. I could see it coming to a frustrated crying bout.

    Maybe it would be better for society if we "allowed" crying at work?
    I think it should be mandatory. Minimum monthly weeping quota for everyone.

    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I would never cry at work. I don't cry in front of other people. I am really uncomfortable when people who are not close to me, as in part of my private life cry in front of me. I am just uncomfortable around really dramatic displays of emotion like that. I feel the same about people raging.
    The crying is uncomfortable because there's kind of an obligation to respect it somehow. Like it's not appropriate to continue normal conversation around it, etc. I usually feel bad for the person, but if it's someone I don't really know, and/or in an awkward situation, I'm at a loss to do anything about it. If someone were crying just to be melodramatic and get attention, I'm sure it would be different (I've never had that happen).

    But someone raging is really intrusive. That's much worse. On the upside, though, that's actually quite fun to ignore, and continue things around it like it's not happening.
    I'm not a procrastinator. I'm a long-term planner.

  6. #16
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    If I'm going to cry, I'm going to cry. It's just going to happen. If I were not at home I'd get myself to a private location in a jiffy because it's SUPER embarrassing to cry in front of people who don't know me really, really well. And as a few of you have mentioned it makes people uncomfortable. And, of course, there's that whole "unprofessional" thing if it happened at a workplace, although probably abruptly excusing myself to go cry wouldn't be that much better.

    I work alone at home most of the time though so it isn't really an issue for me.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
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  7. #17
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    I definitely have never been comfortable crying in front of anyone else, even close loved ones. I can tell them I cried (past tense) but letting them see me cry is too stressful.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #18
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I've returned to MSN and they had already changed the page by 10:00pm. Unsure if I can retrieve it.

    I had a thought while reading your response to heart, Martoon. And I think you've made an important distinction. What's the crying about? As others did mention.

    If you've got a drama king in your midst, ah - most likely a drama queen - then perhaps ignoring it is a good reponse. Let the manager deal with the theatrics.

    I was just trying to put myself in the place of someone who finally just couldn't take the stress and "lost it." I think my response to people ignoring it would feel pretty lonely.

    Then, in other's shoes, I suppose, given the person, I could feel that the tears did call for some kind of action on my part. But what? What the heck is office etiquette in this situation?

    Some people seem to have the knack for dealing with it in a humorous way, others, with a glance or the touch of an arm can express the sympathy of a whole room full of speechless people. A gift!

    I'd guess most of us would initially be puzzled/annoyed. Then that moment would pass to everyone's relief. Can talk about it on break. Preferrably without the crier in attendance!

    I was trying to think of a word to express "lost it" as a social perception. The only other one that came to mind was "broke down." heart uses 'dramatics."

    Seems harsh terms for a normal human function.

    So I'm thinking if ignoring it would be a means of social disapproval or punishment for the discomfort the crier is causing it certainly would be reinforcing of "stuffing" one's feelings.

    __________________________________________________

    I just remembered more about the plastics factory. These women I worked with were, in general, in dire straits. Most were single moms with no education and not much of a promising future ahead. Tired, stressed from being mom all day and then working all night.

    It was pretty painful to consider how their lives were. The natural reaction was to get "tough." And these women were. They had to be.

    I don't think I ever saw anyone there cry and many had good reason. But I did see a degree of "tough" style anger. Our "alpha female" got in a tussle with a monster of a machine that formed and then cut the plastic pieces which she was grabbing out of that hot, dangerous behemoth at a rate that bested the rest of us. She was cursing. Management kept setting the bar higher everytime she beat the rest of us. And they kept increasing the speed of the machine itself. Tempers were high.

    The machine jammed. That would mean a shut down and she'd lose her top spot. Against her better judgement, I'm sure, and against all rules, she reached under the cutters to grab the jammed piece of plastic, her timing was off and the cutters came down and sliced off her hand.

    I've thought from time to time about that horror. And I've wondered if she could have "broken down," if she could have admitted "weakness," she may not have had to jeopardize herself that way.

    And in that system, it wouldn't have worked, I think. They called an ambulance, shut the machine down, and within an hour it was running again.

    Last night I ran into someone from that crew I hadn't seen in three decades. She told me many of us have died prematurely from cancer. Plastics fumes?

    That's our salt of the earth out there making sure that toys get properly packaged for the Christmas rush. Their humanity is jeopardized to serve the public. I think that may be true in more than factory jobs.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  9. #19
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Nope- never cried at work. But then again, I very rarely cry about anything at all.

    I've seen people melt down and cry after being yelled at by really rude customers and stuff of that sort, and I really don't care- if it makes them feel better, go for it! Me? I've always just requested a cigarette break so that I could just get away for a bit (f*&^ing hotel )

    Escape is better than crying to me.
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #20
    seor member colmena's Avatar
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    If a few tears are going to come, I don't mind. That's physically cathartic enough for me. If others need that, then that's fine. A few deep breaths and I'm alright to go on.

    I haven't had a breakdown since I was a child, but if that's what others need, then that's OK. I'm not going to judge.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

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