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Thread: Poor English

  1. #41
    Member milti girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mort Belfry View Post
    What, an adjective?

    But one thing I did notice the other day on my old crappy laptop, is that when it dials up the internet it says, "Dialing," when it should say, "Dialling."
    Maybe your laptop was manufactured in USA. Here in India we use British spelling, so for us it would be 'Dialling' - but hey, I haven't ever noticed what it said when it dialled! It probably said 'Dialing', though, because my laptop seems to be using the American spelling too.
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  2. #42
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I've noticed that new mailboxes in the UK (locally known as post boxes since Victoria's time) have started to appear with the phrase "posting box" on them. To me, the only English milieu in which that doesn't sound weird is if you say it with an Indian accent

    There are so many dialects of English, it's a world language - unless something is addressed to an international audience and clearly intending to be written in International Standard English, I think people should be tolerant of variations in spelling/grammar etc in writing that comes from outside the region of their own native version of English.

    It irritates me when British people "correct" Americans... and when both Americans and British people claim authority over the language to correct Indians and Singaporeans using language that's perfectly valid in their own national English. English in the world media is overwhelmingly American, followed by British, which leads these countries to assume a kind of arrogance that I don't feel is justified - just because their dominance in the media means that everyone's familiar with their dialects, doesn't make their dialects any more valid or authoritative than any others. If we don't understand something a Nigerian says in Nigerian English, it's not right to put him down and demand he use our dialects; we should just get used to his. After all, he got used to ours.

    I feel quite strongly about this, being as French is a big part of my linguistic landscape... and I often feel frustrated at the stagnating, artificially constraining effect that the Academie Francais has on French... I feel it's a strength of English that there is no comparable institution that claims possession of it, which is what gives it the freedom and flexibility to become so adaptive and expressive. I don't want English to become as rigid as French.
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  3. #43
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    As a militant leftist, I have come here to present a website which contains a myriad of quotes from one of the English Language's worst enemies: Bushisms - Funny George Bush Quotes Updated Frequently
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  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samuel De Mazarin View Post
    Here's the most famous "worst opening line" ever:

    "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

    --Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

    Yes... this was where "It was a dark and stormy night..." was born.
    Oh dear, I probably used that opening line dozens of times in creative writing lessons when I was in primary schooling.

  5. #45
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I'm a fan of poor Italian. In fact, except for academic papers, I encourage using the simplest and most coarse ways of expression.
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  6. #46
    Senior Member THEANO's Avatar
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    It was a dark and stormy night...and I felt compelled to find these old favorites of mine:
    These are actual translations into English that are being used:


    In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

    In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

    In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

    In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

    In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

    In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

    In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

    In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

    In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

    In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

    On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

    In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

    Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

    In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

    Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

    In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

    In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

    In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

    In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

    A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

    In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

    In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

    Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

    On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

    In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

    On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

    Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.

    In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

    In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

    In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

    In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

    On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

    In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

    At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

    In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

    In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

    In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

    From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
    Cooles and Heates:
    If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

    From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

    Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
    - English well talking.
    - Here speeching American.
    All I know for sure is that I come from a long line of dead people

  7. #47
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Those are great! I especially love the one about riding your own ass.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  8. #48
    Senior Member THEANO's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Those are great! I especially love the one about riding your own ass.
    My very favorite is

    From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

    Ever since the first time I read it, every time I hear someone "tootling with vigor" at the intersection, I trumpet him melodiously right back (right after I joyfully give him a one finger greeting)
    All I know for sure is that I come from a long line of dead people

  9. #49
    Senior Member kuranes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by THEANO View Post
    My very favorite is

    From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

    Ever since the first time I read it, every time I hear someone "tootling with vigor" at the intersection, I trumpet him melodiously right back (right after I joyfully give him a one finger greeting)
    "The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them that they are being attacked and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
    Reichsfuhrer Herman Goering at the Nuremburg trials.

  10. #50
    Senior Member Anentropic IxTx's Avatar
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    Old Indian movie subtitles in English...

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