My coworker, who happened to be a good friend pre-highschool until her legal guardians moved away, is mad at me. She left me a passive-aggressive note which detailed my offense (which I was unaware of), and how she almost got back at me, but ultimately opted not to. She had been holding in this anger for almost a week, even though she had three good opportunities to talk to me about it throughout the work week.
I left her a note for when she comes in on Monday, in which I request that she please talk to me directly should she have any future issues with me, rather than leave me a passive-aggressive note. I also apologize for the offense, and explain that I wasn't aware that I had committed it. I still care about her, but have been thinking that I don't like the person she's becoming for a while.
I want to follow the note up with a conversation, but don't know how to start it. She's pregnant, so worst case scenario, she'll be quitting by September, because she'll then have a newborn and a 1-year-old to deal with. So, this drama has a time limit. In the meantime, though, I have to work pretty closely with her, and want our interactions to be as positive as possible.
This is somewhat off-topic, but I also feel the need to vent about the choices she's made that are making me lose respect for her.
Some background: She didn't come from a good family situation. When I met her, she was a pre-teen living in a two-bedroom, one-bathroom house with her year-older sister, adult half-sister, half-sister's creepy husband, and baby nephew. Her dad was in and out of jail for drug charges. I'm not sure why exactly her mom didn't have custody, but I do know that her mom had nine (yes, nine) kids by multiple men, and it wasn't a leap to realize that she was involved in drugs too.
Despite all this, she was sweet, caring, and genuine. We were good friends until her adult half-sister got pregnant with a second child, and moved the family to a larger house in a different city. This was right before we started high school.
Fast forward thirteen years: I get a job at the company she works for. Although we didn't really rekindle our old friendship, we still reminisce sometimes and are friendly. She is pregnant with her first baby, and unfortunately the baby's father is not in the picture. (He has two other children by two other women who had their babies around the same time that my coworker found out she was pregnant.) Her year-older sister is now married and a stay-at-home mom, and offers to take care of my coworker's baby so my coworker can work and hopefully go back to school. I'm supportive of her, and am glad that she has what seems like as good a plan as possible in place.
Three months after my coworker has her first child, a son, she gets pregnant AGAIN by a DIFFERENT man. She admits to not using contraceptives. Keep in mind that she works for barely more than minimum wage (she makes about $10/ hr in California). I find out that she refuses to take Baby Daddy #1 to court for child support because she still loves him and doesn't want to make him hate her.
Meanwhile, her year-older sister has stated that she can't take care of both my coworker's son and this new baby. So, my coworker is going to quit her job once it's time for the baby to be born.
Thankfully Baby Daddy #2 is in the picture, and wants to take care of my coworker and both her children, but he doesn't really make enough money to do this. At the very least, things are going to be really tight. My coworker doesn't love Baby Daddy #2, and laments that he was supposed to just be a one-night stand. Baby Daddy #2 loves her, though. For her and her family's own security, she's leading him on and playing the part of dutiful girlfriend, even though her heart belongs to Baby Daddy #1. This has disaster written all over it.
Then, I find out that on top of having back-to-back pregnancies, my coworker has also had three abortions! (When she was pregnant with her first child, she decided that abortions are wrong.) She should know how babies are made by now, and avoid making kids she can't support!!! Also, she of all people should understand the hardships of growing up in an unstable family situation, and do what she can to break the cycle!
So, yeah. I'm disappointed that my coworker won't fight for her son's child support because of her selfish and ill-placed feelings for the father. I'm angry that she took no precautionary measures to prevent another pregnancy, and seems to be continuing the cycle of a disfunctional family. I'm appalled that she's leading on a man who loves her. I'm shocked that she contemplated getting back at me for almost a whole week for a pretty minor offense that I wasn't even aware I had committed. Obviously she lacks maturity, and yet she's going to be mothering two babies, and who knows how many more to come. Awesome.