Work Drama

[Rail Tracer]

How does one stay away from it or ignore it? I started a new job.... and it has only been one week, but goddamnit, can people just leave the drama a mile away from me please?

I am usually the one that just focuses on the job, even then, there are workers who like to talk trash about other workers, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I meet these other workers during the day. I've tried keeping myself busy throughout the day, but there is always time to complain, there is always time to see what is happening, and there is always time to notice little differences that get into my head.

Anything from lazy workers to workers that don't take care, I've been hearing it often once I started being trained in my workplace. I mean, I already do a lot of complaining as is, having to hear my co-workers, trainer, and those in my department complain about each other is just, BLAH!

 

[kyuuei]

Things that help me:

- Be the overly caring and optimistic person. No one likes a positive person ruining their gossip. "Omg so and so is sooo lazy." 'Why don't we try thinking of ways to positively influence their work performance? Perhaps we could work with them a little more, and see the parts they struggle with.' People don't really want solutions.. you start trying to suggest solutions, they'll stop going to you and your stupid brown-nosing ways.
- Be the opposite, the uninterested dull person. The only thing worse than someone optimistic about others is someone who obviously doesn't care what you have to say. This one usually makes you come off as spacey. 'Mhmmm..mmm..mhmm.. Wait, huh?'
- Play the psych role. Even if it's totally wrong and off-base, people don't want the gossip to be about them and their own problems. "Uugghh she dresses SO slutty at WORK!" 'It sounds like you're upset.. how does it make you feel when she dresses like that?' Condescending smarty pants attitude is really unattractive to gossipers.
- Be the hardass. The guy that simply doesn't tolerate it from anyone, and lets them know right away. 'Look, I would tell anyone talking shit about you to stfu and gtfo. So, I'm not going to tolerate it from you either. Don't come crying to me about things that don't matter. If it's important, report it. If it isn't, try to fix it or at least don't come to me about it. It's not professional at all.' No one likes an asshole bluntly calling them out on their gossipy ways. You can tone this one down too, and make it all hippy-like and Ohm-esque too. 'I hope you understand that I just cannot talk like that about other people.. and I hope you'll understand that I would tell anyone that would try to talk ill of you the same thing.'

The idea is just, for whatever reason, to make yourself unattractive for receiving gossip. Inevitably this means people will gossip about you.. but they'd do that anyways so no loss really.

 

[five sounds]

[MENTION=4939]kyuuei[/MENTION] nailed it. I pretty much do all of that (besides the psych role really, but that sounds kinda fun hehe).

 

[prplchknz]

Things that help me:

- Be the overly caring and optimistic person. No one likes a positive person ruining their gossip. "Omg so and so is sooo lazy." 'Why don't we try thinking of ways to positively influence their work performance? Perhaps we could work with them a little more, and see the parts they struggle with.' People don't really want solutions.. you start trying to suggest solutions, they'll stop going to you and your stupid brown-nosing ways.

why would they bring it up if they don't want solutions? i always give suggestions for solutions or say I don't know if i don't. if they don't want a possible solution, then what's the point? this makes absolutley no sense.

 

[EJCC]

- Be the overly caring and optimistic person. No one likes a positive person ruining their gossip. "Omg so and so is sooo lazy." 'Why don't we try thinking of ways to positively influence their work performance? Perhaps we could work with them a little more, and see the parts they struggle with.' People don't really want solutions.. you start trying to suggest solutions, they'll stop going to you and your stupid brown-nosing ways.

I do this at my work. I wouldn't always call it "overly caring and optimistic" though. A few weeks ago I snapped, and flat-out told a coworker that complaining doesn't solve anything, so can we please talk about what we CAN do instead?

My other go-to is defending the people they're talking smack about.

 

[Totenkindly]

I don't know where you work, Prpl; but a decent chunk of griping that happens in the workplace, especially in the less well-paid jobs, is about people either venting their frustrations or trashing someone in order to feel better about themselves.

Usually in the places where I work, if you want to actually fix a problem, you either talk to the person you have the problem with or you talk to their supervisor... you don't sit around and talk to your peers about it. When peers talk to peers about a coworker, it's less likely to be about finding a solution and more just about getting frustration out.

 

[prplchknz]

I don't know where you work, Prpl; but a decent chunk of griping that happens in the workplace, especially in the less well-paid jobs, is about people either venting their frustrations or trashing someone in order to feel better about themselves.

Usually in the places where I work, if you want to actually fix a problem, you either talk to the person you have the problem with or you talk to their supervisor... you don't sit around and talk to your peers about it. When peers talk to peers about a coworker, it's less likely to be about finding a solution and more just about getting frustration out.

if people don't want it, then I win because they'll stop talking to me.

 

[Totenkindly]

if people don't want it, then I win because they'll stop talking to me.

I think that was kyuuei's point.

 

[prplchknz]

even if it's a more of a the person saying they don't understand why someone does something? because in that situation bringing up to more than one person can be helpful as that's not really trying to solve the problem, because perhaps the problem is not solvable but the desire to understand might be able to be fulfilled. of course I prefer asking the person directly, but sometimes people get defensive and take your question as an attack, so you have no choice but to go to someone else and ask.

 

[ceecee]

why would they bring it up if they don't want solutions? i always give suggestions for solutions or say I don't know if i don't. if they don't want a possible solution, then what's the point? this makes absolutley no sense.

They don't want solutions. They just want to bitch. Fortunately I'm not in an office to hear it but, if people want solutions, I'm on it. If not, they need to stfu and that's what I tell them.

 

[Bush]

Always Godawful.

Never take sides. Stay out of it. Unless you're a manager, you're just taking on unneeded stress. You don't deserve to have to play Mother Hen to a bunch of brats, who likely won't appreciate it.. or worse, hate you for it.

 

[Rail Tracer]

Always Godawful.

Never take sides. Stay out of it. Unless you're a manager, you're just taking on unneeded stress. You don't deserve to have to play Mother Hen to a bunch of brats, who likely won't appreciate it.. or worse, hate you for it.

Yeah, all I want to do is do my job and not get the whole department yelled by the managers, or better yet, not have to deal with drama. I have a trainer that is just constantly talking about my co-workers (in terms of seniority, they all had more time in the department than I did.) Apparently, he was made to oversee my department (because the managers are usually busy,) so any managers that don't like what he/she seeing, whether from him or the workers, he is the one that usually gets told that things need fixing. So while teaching me the proper ways to handle things, he goes on a tangent about the other workers not wanting to fulfill those roles that he is teaching me, or again, just being lazy with the work.

The first day I saw him, it was like, ok just give me the job and I'll handle it. But after about the third day, things just started getting old. Everything he told me about some of my co-workers started seeping into my head. And like, the only way I can avoid most of it was if I was constantly away from the department area doing my job (I spent the majority of the day yesterday as far away from our hangout spot as possible.) What is worse is that any tools that I don't know how to use, I had to talk to 3 people around my age (these 3 aren't the ones being talked about) or I have to talk to that trainer.

Just yesterday, I made myself look busy most of the time so that I wouldn't have to deal with everything. At some point, a co-worker was asking me if I can handle a particular job while he was on lunch break, I said sure. That same co-worker came by to teach me a faster way to deal with the work I was doing, but I insisted on doing it myself. So he forced himself to help me and I just accepted it. Somehow, after that ordeal, before I was done for the day, I guess the co-worker thought that I was pushing him away and not wanting help. Said something about leaving me alone from now on. Thinking I might of added unnecessary drama between me and the co-worker, I thanked him for teaching me and apologized (thought that I could handle the work already) because I didn't want to burn bridges.... on my second week.

 

[Rail Tracer]

Things that help me:

- Be the overly caring and optimistic person. No one likes a positive person ruining their gossip. "Omg so and so is sooo lazy." 'Why don't we try thinking of ways to positively influence their work performance? Perhaps we could work with them a little more, and see the parts they struggle with.' People don't really want solutions.. you start trying to suggest solutions, they'll stop going to you and your stupid brown-nosing ways.
- Be the opposite, the uninterested dull person. The only thing worse than someone optimistic about others is someone who obviously doesn't care what you have to say. This one usually makes you come off as spacey. 'Mhmmm..mmm..mhmm.. Wait, huh?'
- Play the psych role. Even if it's totally wrong and off-base, people don't want the gossip to be about them and their own problems. "Uugghh she dresses SO slutty at WORK!" 'It sounds like you're upset.. how does it make you feel when she dresses like that?' Condescending smarty pants attitude is really unattractive to gossipers.
- Be the hardass. The guy that simply doesn't tolerate it from anyone, and lets them know right away. 'Look, I would tell anyone talking shit about you to stfu and gtfo. So, I'm not going to tolerate it from you either. Don't come crying to me about things that don't matter. If it's important, report it. If it isn't, try to fix it or at least don't come to me about it. It's not professional at all.' No one likes an asshole bluntly calling them out on their gossipy ways. You can tone this one down too, and make it all hippy-like and Ohm-esque too. 'I hope you understand that I just cannot talk like that about other people.. and I hope you'll understand that I would tell anyone that would try to talk ill of you the same thing.'

The idea is just, for whatever reason, to make yourself unattractive for receiving gossip. Inevitably this means people will gossip about you.. but they'd do that anyways so no loss really.

I'll think about some of these, but I really don't want to burn any bridges.

I can be a bit naturally dull though, so I got that going on for me.

Most of the time, when I am told some kind of gossip, I just listen and move on to doing other work.

 

[Mal12345]

How does one stay away from it or ignore it? I started a new job.... and it has only been one week, but goddamnit, can people just leave the drama a mile away from me please?

I am usually the one that just focuses on the job, even then, there are workers who like to talk trash about other workers, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I meet these other workers during the day. I've tried keeping myself busy throughout the day, but there is always time to complain, there is always time to see what is happening, and there is always time to notice little differences that get into my head.

Anything from lazy workers to workers that don't take care, I've been hearing it often once I started being trained in my workplace. I mean, I already do a lot of complaining as is, having to hear my co-workers, trainer, and those in my department complain about each other is just, BLAH!

Where I work it's against the rules to talk trash about other employees. But then, it's even against the rules to cuss because it can be misconstrued as anger. Negativity is strongly frowned on in my workplace, therefore it happens only rarely. The best thing your workplace can do is make it a punishable offense.

 

[Coriolis]

I do this at my work. I wouldn't always call it "overly caring and optimistic" though. A few weeks ago I snapped, and flat-out told a coworker that complaining doesn't solve anything, so can we please talk about what we CAN do instead?

My other go-to is defending the people they're talking smack about.

I hate this sort of stuff, too. Trying to defend the person, regardless of whether they deserve it, usually just leads to an argument, and/or the other person deciding they dislike you as well because you won't take their side. The few times I have found myself in this position, I will ask whether they have spoken to the other person about whatever it is that is bothering them. 9 times out of 10, they have not. I then tell them they would get better results if they spoke to the person who is actually able to change the situation (e.g. the person whose behavior they are complaining about).

 

[EJCC]

I hate this sort of stuff, too. Trying to defend the person, regardless of whether they deserve it, usually just leads to an argument, and/or the other person deciding they dislike you as well because you won't take their side. The few times I have found myself in this position, I will ask whether they have spoken to the other person about whatever it is that is bothering them. 9 times out of 10, they have not. I then tell them they would get better results if they spoke to the person who is actually able to change the situation (e.g. the person whose behavior they are complaining about).

Oh -- I don't defend them if they don't deserve to be defended. I try to solve the problem if they don't deserve to be defended. I try to move past venting and talk about what CAN be done to deal with them. Similar to what you're describing.

 

[Coriolis]

Oh -- I don't defend them if they don't deserve to be defended. I try to solve the problem if they don't deserve to be defended. I try to move past venting and talk about what CAN be done to deal with them. Similar to what you're describing.

I don't defend them regardless, and don't want to expend energy helping them solve the problem, unless of course it is a legitimate work-related issue. I simply divert them back to the "source" of the problem, namely the person they are complaining about, to avoid getting in the middle of it.

 

[EJCC]

I don't defend them regardless, and don't want to expend energy helping them solve the problem, unless of course it is a legitimate work-related issue. I simply divert them back to the "source" of the problem, namely the person they are complaining about, to avoid getting in the middle of it.

How do you divert them to the person they're complaining about, without getting into the middle of it?

 

[wolfy]

Be the chill one. Be the nice productive one. Collaborate, create alliances. Listen but never answer.

 

[Coriolis]

How do you divert them to the person they're complaining about, without getting into the middle of it?

Colleague: [complaint about what someone else is doing]
Coriolis: "Have you spoken to that person about it?

(Option 1)
Colleague: "No"
Coriolis: "It might be more productive to talk to them than to me, since that's where the problem is."

(Option 2)
Colleague: "Yes, but [it didn't do any good; he/she won't listen; he/she just argues; etc.]
Coriolis: "Well, I doubt you will get a better outcome by talking to me since I don't have any control over that person's behavior."

Either way, I redirect their complaint toward the person whose behavior is the issue, with the implication that they should work it out between them. Complaining to me is just barking up the wrong tree.