First and foremost I accept the notion that my own happiness might be more important than finance, but since I am born into a system that traps one into working for finance, I've noticed that I will need that finance.
Secondly I have two jobs. The initial one is fine, I've done it for a while now, it isn't great or satisfying but I can tolerate it.
The second is a job working as....well basically an office assistant at the house of a family friend helping with their business because the wife who is also the accountant and one of the directors with her husband, has had a baby and was backed up on invoicing.
Well it pays better than my other job but because I am on the BR tax code here in the UK for having two jobs, the extra income doesn't amount to much. Further more the work itself.....kills me, it's not physically draining like my other job, but it is mind-numbingly poor.
It's essentially invoicing, data entry and just general administration. But even after being there for nearly 8 months I just cannot get my mind around the repetitive nature of the work.
It's all memory and repeated systems, except for those few times when it isn't. In any case I have a really hard time explaining that the way my mind works is that I could peform the same task a thousand times and do it completely different each time.
So obviously my consistency is down in the pits and when invoicing and paying bills, not to mention wages, you really don't want to miss a detail or even a single decimal point. But that's....agonising to me, it's like a complete death of my self.
I really can't hold my attention for that long on one subject like that. I only took the job because my mum basically suggested it to them and I sympathised with their situation so now I feel guilty since the lady I am working for has spend so much time trying to train me up, and failing or rather I've been failing her.
No amount of organisation has helped, I've bought a ledger to write information in to remind me how I should construct separate invoices for different clients, but it doesn't help if I forget to look in it in the first place. I would need a ledger for the ledger for the ledger and down that path madness lies.
Unfortunately I don't know how to shake off the obligation from all the time spent on me at this place, it seems selfish to just up and leave on a whim as I have done before, mainly because this is a much more personal arrangement than previous jobs, although I would be happy to help them find someone else more qualified, especially as mathematics is hardly a strong point despite my efforts to rectify this.
Besides their patience with my constant mistakes is starting to wear thin after so long, they aren't being cruel or shouting at me, which in a way makes it worse since I think they have a right to, but they have to keep reminding me about this or that and I just can't keep on top of it. I think it's possible they haven't fired me yet because I am the son of their friends and that in itself is frustrating.