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  1. #41
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by braziljoe View Post
    As I was passing by his island, the ENTJ man was with a group of friends, and at the right point I was passed by him, he started talking about when he studied in another country and he used to beat gay people there, and he made a really loud comment saying that our company is being "infested" by gay people and he would like to exterminate them all.It really pushed my buttons, and I turned around and said: "me?". This was enough to make him irate and he started babbling about not talking to me, but to his friends while I was passing by, and that I'm paranoid, etc. His friends started asking him to shut up, but he didn't stop and was getting really angry to the point of almost hitting me.
    I continued walking my way to the manager and the manager told me not to take that situation personally, and I told him that it wasn't the first time that kind of thing has happened and I was full of it.
    My issue is in the bolded. Based on how you described this, it seems that the manager is already very aware of having a loose-cannon employee and a hostile work environment on his hands. What concerns me is that typically as soon as this occured in a well regulated, zero-tolerance company, the employee would have been written-up if not terminated (after the paperwork went through HR). It leads me to believe that you may not have the support network or legal ramifications that you should have.

    If this issue comes down to safety, your safety is #1. It is trajic and intolerable that these kind of work conditions could exist, but I hope that if you genuinely feel physical threat and do not have appropriate saftey-nets in place to ensure your well-being, you leave.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #42
    Senior Member Elisius's Avatar
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    I only read the first page but: I'm with DiscoBiscuit. Get armed, get him fired, if he bothers you more, fuck him up. Some people don't deserve the kid gloves society makes us wear. It will feel VERY satisfying to put that bigot on his ass.
    A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

  3. #43
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Luckily the ENTJs friends and your boss sound more sensible. If your employer doesn't want a lawsuit, they will make sure no one is being harassed at work, especially for "protected status" like being gay, born in a foreign country, etc.

    If Zi were you I would document everything he's said to you and NEVER let even 1 overt comment slide. Talk to your manager, talk to HR, document those meetings. Tell them that they need to make sure you are safe at work. Have them move either you or him so you don't cross paths so much, but make sure it is not a punishment or downgrade for you.

    If your workplace is legit they will speak to him to control his behavior..

    Oh wait, you are in Brazil? I am not familiar with the labor laws there. :P I would say for this guy who is homophobic act totally unruffled whenever he says anything. play dumb like you don't realize he's talking to you. Always speak in the the third person like "that's too bad that you hate gay people, some of my favorite musicians are gay!" or something like that. He will get tired once he sees he can't incite a reaction from you. Never ever show fear or tension, always seem relaxed and slightly bored by him.

    I would say for some people direct confrontation works but if that's not your style than go the above route ^^. @FineLine has some good advice about the "pedantic cop" routine that could work if you have to work directly with him and he gives you a hard time.

    Otherwise I'd you don't actually work with him document everything he does and says, keep telling the managers, and act completely bored at his comments.

    I feel like in the states the fact he's bragged about beating up gays and is staring you down would b enough to get in Big Trouble at work.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

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  4. #44
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    @braziljoe

    and this is why I am not openly gay in real life.
    all I can say is, in the future, I don't think being openly gay is a good idea unless you decide to move to a much more tolerant area (such as California in the United States). in the mean time, I would suggest switching jobs if you have the option
    Say what?? You're closeted off the forum?

    Again @braziljoe I am not familiar with Brazilian labor law but If it is in line with Latin American machismo which informs strong socially accepted homophobia...sounds like an uphill battle. if homophobis is more accepted and even encouraged (sounds like it) even though legally it is frowned upon, you're going to have to resort to more "go with the flow" tactics if raising a big stink is not what you want to do right now.

    I don't think you should have to change jobs over this bs. You'll never stop switching jobs if that's the case. You have to make a stand. Even if it gets you fired. However, it's up to you to figure out what that stand is. You deserve dignity in the wok place.

    It sounds like your manager is sympathetic to you if not openly anti-homophobe. I think the advice I gave about acting bored and not engaging with the bully will help on a one on one level, but for things to really change you need to keep escalating or find a way to reach your manager. If you are fearing for your physical safety whether or not the management takes homophobes seriously I think in any country they'd take workplace violence seriously?

    Also, continue to strengthen your friendships at work. Do NOT withdraw from other people. Just bc this guy is a homophobic bully doesn't mean that everyone else at work is like that. Form friendships with people at work and let it be seen publicly by the bully that you are part of the company social fabrics. This will also get him off your back s little and cause him to be more careful about what he says.

    When you do interact with him and he gives you trouble play the "pedantic cop" and when you initiate contact, be neutral and cordial until he starts giving you problems. When he keeps staring at you meet his gaze for several seconds and then look away calmly. Don't ever show fear, anxiety, or stress to him.

    Thats what you do to his face. The real change work is done behind the scenes by making your managers stop him
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  5. #45
    Member braziljoe's Avatar
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    Ok, just to update my situation. I've not seen the guy for a while mainly because I don't buy food from the manager anymore (Yes, I'm sort of running away, but in the long term, it's the best choice). The last time I've seen the entj guy, I've looked right into his eyes and I did not express any feeling: he seemed confused.
    For those who talked about PL 122, it's basically ancient now. The new penal code - I don't know the term for it in the United States, UK and I'm too sleepy to research right now - is being written and it's going to punish people for discriminating gay people very severely.
    I don't trust the manager either, he's definitely not anti-homophobia, no one really is in Brazil (and I have my suspicions that no one is in any place of the world), he's afraid of a lawsuit.
    In addition, well, I can't fight the system all the time but I really wished I could make my live with less daily free aggression, I also can't sue everyone hehe but the situation is changing everyday around here in Brazil to the best, I guess.
    There's another thing: my inxp (more towards infp these days) mindset keeps blocking me from taking a stand at things sometimes because I'm afraid of being perceived as playing the victim (which ironically is playing the victim by itself) and /or being dramatic.

    No drama intended.
    Nerd on a dancefloor.

  6. #46
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
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    Sounds like the ENTJ is just full of shit really, talking himself up to his friends kinda goes to show how weak he is of a person - I wouldn't be suprised if most of that history is just fabricated or his only LOOSELY associated to it at best. Just remind yourself of how petty this loser is, no one can really respect a person who treats people like that.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Be in touch with your manager and document, document, document. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  8. #48
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    im anti-homophobia.

    you've got friends in america.

  9. #49
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    If this is a typological question, then apply some typology to the situation. ENTJs won't respect you unless you stand up to them. Pointing to yourself and saying "Me?" is one of the weakest responses possible and that only earns his further disrespect toward you. Your avoidance reactions are possibly the worst thing you can do to help the situation. Point the finger at him and level with him, saying something like "Listen, I don't like the things you say about gay people." ENTJs appreciate "leveling" or assertive styles of communication.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  10. #50
    Senor Membrae Eugene Watson VIII's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joehobo View Post
    Sounds like the ENTJ is just full of shit really, talking himself up to his friends kinda goes to show how weak he is of a person - I wouldn't be suprised if most of that history is just fabricated or his only LOOSELY associated to it at best. Just remind yourself of how petty this loser is, no one can really respect a person who treats people like that.
    I agree. that is pretty low, I would report it to your boss
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