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  1. #11
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    oh man, i really feel for you.
    you kinda fucked it up by that half-coming out, but i understand why you did.
    basically, two things come to mind:
    1) your personal life and work life are (should be) separate
    2) there should be laws in the company against homophobic behaviour
    Strategically, you are lucky that your manager knows and ison your side. But then you lose points by showing vulnerability to the idiot homophobic prick.
    I'd advise you to keep the relationship with this person as strickly professional as you possibly can (even though I can understand it might not always be possible). On the side, I'd advise you to get informed about every law that is on your side, so you can use that card if things get nasty. Also, be sure to tell your manager everytime the other guy is an asshole to you, because then you will have build a history when (if) things really do go bad.
    I think that's more or less all that you can do right now. On a personal level, I don't know what advice to give you to put up with that shit, except that, knowing ENTJs, I think most of their outward talk is more banter than true belief, so I guess you should learn how to shrug it off.
    Just try to spend as less time with this person possible and try to remain professional at all times. Get the manager on your side and keep on storing proof so If things escalate, you can have back-up and get him fired.
    Sorry, I feel for your situation. Good luck, strength!

    Quote Originally Posted by braziljoe View Post
    I'm having this really uncomfortable situation at my job with this entj colleague who is extremely homophobic and I'm in a point where I'm fearing for my life.
    It all started at my first day of my new job, two months ago, at a telecom company. We are separated by what we call "islands" in a room that provides services 24/7. We have 3 islands and each island has a specific sector, and I am in the sector responsible with foreign costumers.
    I also work in the night shift and now and then I have to talk to the night shift's manager because as we are the only ones working so late, and the rest of the company is closed, we have to ask him to buy us food in the company's restaurant because he's responsible for the key of the restaurant.
    Here's the thing, this manager sits at the third island, far from me, and in my first day of work I went to his island to ask him to take some food for me and a guy I've never even had said hi to made a gay joke while I was passing by him.
    Until here, nothing wrong, as I'm used to it, and I didn't do anything because it was my first day.
    Time passes and it became clearly obvious that this guy who's teased me is a hardcore ENTJ (more on the really unhealthy side: nuclear bomb). I've also heard some gossips that he's involved with violent groups (gangs) and every time I crossed his path since then, he would make jokes, derogatory comments about gay people, stared me (with that typical ice gaze) and that kind of stuff.
    I'm not the only gay man there, but let's say I seem to be more "fragile" than the other ones (HEY I'M AN INXP!), due to shyness, and I wonder if the bullying comes from there.
    Everything reached a peak before yesterday. As I was passing by his island, the ENTJ man was with a group of friends, and at the right point I was passed by him, he started talking about when he studied in another country and he used to beat gay people there, and he made a really loud comment saying that our company is being "infested" by gay people and he would like to exterminate them all.
    It really pushed my buttons, and I turned around and said: "me?". This was enough to make him irate and he started babbling about not talking to me, but to his friends while I was passing by, and that I'm paranoid, etc. His friends started asking him to shut up, but he didn't stop and was getting really angry to the point of almost hitting me.
    I continued walking my way to the manager and the manager told me not to take that situation personally, and I told him that it wasn't the first time that kind of thing has happened and I was full of it.
    Then, I went to work yesterday, made the same things as usual, went to the manager to ask him to open the restaurant for me to buy some food and as I was walking by the said ENTJ, he didn't say a word, just started me with a really deadly look.
    I figured out that the manager must have talked to him, I think, due to fear of a lawsuit at his hands.
    The only people that have watched that disgusting scene was the manager and his friends, and I didn't tell anyone else about what has happened because it could escalate really fast and get, maybe, him fired or the company sued due to the gossip that would follow, even though I didn't want to sue.
    Anyway, I'm scared, and afraid of this ENTJ. I've stood up to him, and that must have made him hate me so much.
    Because of his history of violence and aggression, I fear for my physical integrity and even for my life.
    What should I do?

  2. #12
    Member braziljoe's Avatar
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    Yes, thank you, it's good to see that there are people with the same (overpowering strong) personality who doesn't find other people weak or undeserving of being respected because of some unconventional (not abnormal) trait.
    We all have our prejudices, right? But respect is everything.
    There is a black female manager in our company, and everybody says they hate her because she is rigid, when it seems to me that it's because she is black. I did my training under her and I didn't see anything wrong with her at all.
    Nerd on a dancefloor.

  3. #13
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    If something like this ever happens again, I would report it immediately the first time it happens. Allowing it to continue signals that you're a viable target and allows it to escalate. Now that it has escalated, I would start by talking to HR and explain that you don't feel safe being at work while this individual is there due to physical threats. If nothing is done at that point, then it's time to get a lawyer and a new job.

  4. #14
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dala View Post
    If something like this ever happens again, I would report it immediately the first time it happens. Allowing it to continue signals that you're a viable target and allows it to escalate. Now that it has escalated, I would start by talking to HR and explain that you don't feel safe being at work while this individual is there due to physical threats. If nothing is done at that point, then it's time to get a lawyer and a new job.
    This.

  5. #15
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by braziljoe View Post
    Yes, thank you, it's good to see that there are people with the same (overpowering strong) personality who doesn't find other people weak or undeserving of being respected because of some unconventional (not abnormal) trait.
    We all have our prejudices, right? But respect is everything.
    There is a black female manager in our company, and everybody says they hate her because she is rigid, when it seems to me that it's because she is black. I did my training under her and I didn't see anything wrong with her at all.
    It's blatent discrimination, it's disgusting. Write down everything that has happened, write the dates down too, keep a diary of it all. Speak to a solicitor who specialises in discrimination and give them all the info you have, that way if it did escalate you have a case already prepared. No-one should fear for their own safety at their place of work. Also maybe speak to your manager about councilling, see if there is any in house programs... also (personally) i'd suggest that your co-worker goes to anger management but i don't know how you would go about that, a court could order it but there may be a way if it's getting to the point where he could be fired that it's a viable alternative. I'm not sure how it all works in your country but i'm guessing more discrimination slips through the net there with these kind of situations. Take control of the situation, you are in the right, don't forget that. And
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  6. #16
    Senior Member Snoopy22's Avatar
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    If you feed the bears, don’t expect them to ever go away.

  7. #17
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    you need an excuse and the means to protect yourself.

    he has provided you with excuse to protect yourself, you only need means and the strength in your index finger to pull the trigger.

    he put fear in you and people act irrational when they are afraid, people with guns make even worse choices, irreversible choices. he will either learn a valuable lesson or suffer consqeuence.

    either way, its your right to protectt yourself
    "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine. "
    -Bruce Lee

  8. #18
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    @braziljoe

    and this is why I am not openly gay in real life.
    all I can say is, in the future, I don't think being openly gay is a good idea unless you decide to move to a much more tolerant area (such as California in the United States). in the mean time, I would suggest switching jobs if you have the option
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  9. #19
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    You could quit your job and get a restraining order against him. If he ever violates that restraining order then he'll be subject to legal consequences.

    However, I don't know how important your job is (like if it's hard for you to find another of equal value) and if the situation is bad enough that you should let him "win" by just getting away and allowing him to stay at the job.

    This is really disgusting. People like that infuriate me. If I was there, I'd punch him the windpipe for you.

  10. #20
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    He's a bully.

    If he's too chicken to talk smack because he might get fired, he's in all likelihood too chicken to do anything more than talk if he were to get fired because of you. Personal protection isn't a bad idea.

    But, if I were you, or rather, if I were in your situation, I would be practicing my gay but slightly flirtatious jokes.

    "A gay guy, a homophobe, and his wife walk into a bar...."

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