Since May of 2010, I have been looking for a job in which I am able to use my talents in. I have had many disappointments and sort of gave up looking very hard for one. I got a job September of last year and it was like a temp/part-time wondering whether they were going to keep me or not as an assistant office clerk. Answering the phone was like hell to me. I hated the phone! Impersonal phone calls, asking for something which I would forget off the bat what they said, and then the boss breathing down my neck while I was afraid at messing up at something in front of her (She took MBTI and she's an ENTJ.) It was at a real estate agency, mind you. The real estate agents are very direct and demanding of your time for you to do this or that. You basically had to multi-task at the job I was at, which was more of an SJ job more than anything. Later, my boss sat me down and suggested to diagnose me with CAPD-a hearing disorder that has to do with parts of the brain not being able to develop to pick up on commands people ask. She said she was willing to pay to get my hearing tested, but I turned it down because something didn't seem right about being disabled to get money from the government to go back to school, which is a motive of mine to work for a year and then go back to school to get a master's.
I'm an artist...as irritating as it sounds, I try to consider myself to be. Since after college, I became more of an internet junkie and really don't have that much of an attention span to draw or paint that much because of my moods and distractions. I think since nobody has commissioned me or certain things didn't come up, I just kinda lost my touch. I'm a little bit on the lonely side since many friends are either gone or busy with work. I'm stuck with my pets 6 to 8 hours a day wishing I had somewhere to go or do with somebody I'm close to.
Most of the information I have lost about drawing and painting, which I'm relearning through old sheets from school I've kept. This leads me to this story. I have recently gotten a job at an arts and crafts store I believe I will be starting the Monday after. I will be doing matting and framing. What is my biggest weakness are my communication skills. I'm worried about not being able to help customers because of shyness and not good at starting up conversations or with people who will come in angry and upset. I'm concerned about me not being able to handle that side of the job because I rather stay in the back and work.
I'm an only child and I would say I was fairly outgoing only with my mother, and never really enjoyed talking with new people, and here lately I never enjoyed being alone and going spontaneously anywhere without someone. I still have problems with shyness and communicating with strangers even in my late 20's. It's not cute anymore. When in church, we go to greet other people, I cringe and sit down and try to look busy like digging in my bag. I'm trying to set up an appointment with a counselor and it seems being put off for people in serious crisis, which I understand since they need to talk to the psychologist more than I do.
I really think the last job, my job hunting, and my goals really chipped away at my self-confidence, my self-esteem, and my self worth. I'm hoping that while I'm waiting for trying to talk to the counselor that maybe some of you guys might be able to give me some sound advice on what to do.