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  1. #1
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Question how to crush someone's hopes and dreams in the nicest way possible?

    I've been working on training a new guy who really has the right attitude to succeed but none of the skills... it's really frustrating because I've seen the opposite occur so many times, but this is new. The guy really has his hopes set on succeeding in this job to the point where he's basically built his life and squandered his money on it... and he quit another job that's less risky because he feels that this job is the answer to his prayers.

    The problem is that he just doesn't have the abilities that are NEEDED to succeed in the job... to watch him happily wander along like a hopeful puppy, talking about how getting this job changed his life for the better just crushes my soul a little every time I see or think about it. I feel really guilty... to the point where I just wish he would disappear and I wouldn't have to figure out what to do about it and feel guilty about it anymore... which in turn makes me feel even more guilty for being such a moral coward about the whole thing

    How do you let someone know that they just don't have the correct skills for their dream job?

    And how do you do it without spitting in the face of a younger version of yourself?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #2

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    The easiest way out and by easiest I mean easiest on your feelings, is to look for some other avenue that better suits his natural talents. That is all I have...

  3. #3
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    What skills does he absolutely lack? People skills? Computer skills? The ability to be detailed? All of the above and more?

    I'm hesitant to say people cannot do something.. It absolutely infuriates me when people say what I can or cannot do. Nothing sets my fuse on a lighter quicker save one other thing.
    Even so.. There are some people just suited for different work. I know it was constantly frustrating that the three women I worked with in my Mead shop just could not be detail-oriented.. they could not multi-task or keep up with small details.. there was no organization to the way they worked. They were willing, but not very capable, even after weeks of going over the same tasks that seemed very simple for me.

    Is it work where he could lose everything if he fails at it? If so, I could see why he's so head-strong. If not... I wouldn't worry so much.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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  4. #4
    ThatGirl
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    You let them know, so they have a chance at least to acquire them before they get canned. Can you give any more detail about the specific skills needed and why he doesn't have them?

  5. #5
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Can he get/be taught the skills?

  6. #6
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    people skills and ease of communication are almost impossible to teach someone quickly enough for him to keep the job... and some people I have doubts about altogether

    and legible handwriting is required and he has the physical inability to write legibly

    and knowlege of HOW to act in social situations

    and the ability to not take things so literally

    I work in business to business sales, and the ability to interact with others with ease and confidence are REQUIRED skills... I've been trying and trying to coach him through it, but he's not getting it
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  7. #7
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I'd do what Wolfy said.. I'd try to find a small corner he could fit well into.. but .. I suppose, with his lack of skills, he simply won't last long.

    Telling him yourself that he's unable to do this job seems pointless unless you decide who's hired and who's fired. In that case, be blunt and to the point, if you can't find a place for him then be kind about the way you let him go. If you're merely training him though.. he will sink on his own. And sometimes lessons like that have to be learned.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  8. #8
    ThatGirl
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    People should have some sort of self awareness. He is probably aware he isn't cutting it. Ask him how he feels about that, then explain the demands of the job, and what it means to constantly be failing a demanding profession's expectations. Tell him you don't see it working best for anyone involved.

    Let him know that you need someone who can act now, and not have to train so much., and admit you may have been premature hiring him for the job. Promise a good recommendation to a lesser involved role, and an open door if he should attain the skills needed to fulfill the role from a starting position.

    Let him work out his ideals, and life goals. That's not your job.

    Other than that, I pretty much kept saying the same thing as everyone else.

  9. #9
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I have a lot of say over whether he stays or goes... which makes it worse somehow. And there ARE no other positions to put him in... he has to work his way up to them and they all require some serious people skills as well

    I just don't feel comfortable at ALL watching someone who puts so much hope in something failing... and somehow feeling somewhat responsible because I can't find whatever magical thing I'm supposed to do to make him actually succeed

    I even told him to use his status as a new guy to his advantage by explaining that he's new and to please be patient to customers (which a much more ept and successful coworker does all of the time!) for sympathy and patience, but he just won't do it :steam:
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #10
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    People should have some sort of self awareness. He is probably aware he isn't cutting it. Ask him how he feels about that, then explain the demands of the job, and what it means to constantly be failing a demanding profession's expectations. Tell him you don't see it working best for anyone involved.

    Let him know that you need someone who can act now, and not have to train so much., and admit you may have been premature hiring him for the job. Promise a good recommendation to a lesser involved role, and an open door if he should attain the skills needed to fulfill the role from a starting position.

    Let him work out his ideals, and life goals. That's not your job.

    Other than that, I pretty much kept saying the same thing as everyone else.
    Do this.

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