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Thread: how to crush someone's hopes and dreams in the nicest way possible?

  1. #31
    Protocol Droid Array Athenian200's Avatar
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    Jul 2007


    If I were you, I would just try to stay out of it if I could. At this point, there are other people watching him, and he's got a chance to perform or fail. So if he fails, he fails. It's not your responsibility, you did the best you could. When he gets fired, wish him well and tell him nothing.

    You know why I say this? Because I don't believe it's impossible for him to learn the skills you're talking about. Granted, I don't think he can learn them as quickly as you need him to learn them, in the kind of environment he's in. But I find it difficult to believe that the skills you're talking about can never be learned. So it might be best for him to be allowed to fail here, but keep on trying at similar companies until he finally "gets it." If it's truly his dream, he should keep trying until he gets it right... in as many places as it takes.

    The longer you allow him to keep trying and failing here, the better his skills will get, and the better chance he has of getting the next job like this one. Although, if you feel that your own job could be in jeopardy if you don't fire him expediently, then perhaps you should hurry and get rid of him. But if you don't have to have him fired immediately, you shouldn't.

  2. #32
    eating bugs out of hair. Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Jun 2007


    there's no easy way to crush dreams. No matter how nice you try to be the other person will still be hurt. Especially if he's as hopeful as you say, you need to find away for him to look at himself objectively and hope that in that he'll realize he doesn't have the people skills, and can't learn in the time frame.
    by @magpie

  3. #33


    I know! Let ThatGirl do it. She won't care.

  4. #34
    Junior Member Array
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    Mar 2011


    Sounds like you aren't the right person to train him as you don't believe in him/don't have the skills or patience to train him. Send him on to someone else.

  5. #35
    Nips away your dignity Array Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    9 sp/sx


    I'd have bummed him already if he doesn't have what it takes for the job and shows no signs of being capable of learning what it takes by himself.

    Look, expecting all your employees to be perfect is an illusion. I have over 30 employees and almost none of them quite fit all my standards (two people actually do, which makes me so happy!) of what I would hope they'd be like, but all of them at least show enough promise to be useful and good enough in their line of work. In the end, we'd just have to be content with that, because the alternative of firing and hiring until you do get the people you want, give all of your employees a bad feeling and ultimately does more harm than good. But if someone shows the inability to be useful or good completely, then they get bummed. It's a shame for them, but they'll have to figure out what they can do by themselves and look for another job.

    I don't mind training people to do a better job, but they will have to show promise or I can't be arsed. I have better things to do with my time then. :P

  6. #36
    filling some space Array UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Sep 2007


    I read 35% of the thread.. believe it or not, I have probably about the same people skills as you do, Whatever, in real life. Okay, that's a bit of a stretch for you, given my online act. But, here's an example.

    I was given a retarded autist person to train for in one of my summer jobs, were I was incredibly overqualified. I had to put up with his retardedness from day to day. I got excellent marks for people skills on my job.

    You know what? I was kicked out, because I had different opinions to some mentor (and no, I wasnt't difficult, the mentor was). The mentor was like an evil incarnation of TypologyC Jennifer. She had her opinion, she was intelligent, and she shoved her opinion down anyone's throat, no matter of the blunt trauma done.

    The retarded autist stayed on the job. He was a bosses former wife's son, which for some reason made all the difference.

    My advice from a fellow human to human: don't exhaust yourself with autist persons. If he's disability is of different kind, still, don't exhaust yourself.

  7. #37


    Quote Originally Posted by oberon View Post
    I know! Let ThatGirl do it. She won't care.
    *Traces finger over the Eject button*

    "Now if you could just move three paces to your right......"

  8. #38
    thankful Array PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    937 so/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    And how do you do it without spitting in the face of a younger version of yourself?
    If he's a younger version of you and you are succeeding ...

    List out exactly what he's lacking (I see some listed here, but what else?). And what do you see as his strengths?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt

    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  9. #39
    scourge Array miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    827 sp/so
    SLE Ti


    not a younger version of me... just insulting the more idealistic version of myself- I've always been good at idly schmoozing

    and no longer a concern... he finally realized it wasn't working well for him and he disappeared... hopefully the mob was not involved in the disappearance
    Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom? -Terry Pratchett

  10. #40
    Senior Member Array Jaguar's Avatar
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    May 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post
    You know what? I was kicked out, because I had different opinions to some mentor (and no, I wasnt't difficult, the mentor was). The mentor was like an evil incarnation of TypologyC Jennifer. She had her opinion, she was intelligent, and she shoved her opinion down anyone's throat, no matter of the blunt trauma done.
    Mod Jennifer? Why would you pick someone as easy-going as Jennifer for your example. Did you just pull a name out of thin air, or what?
    When all else fails, claim it's rigged.

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