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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    It's a mock request for a research grant. It's relating a catchy dance to mind control, and going on to elaborate who might be using this mind control, and why this should be researched further.

    I wasn't concerned that the readers would not know it until this one guy. In fact, only one out of ten people who have read this paper mentioned it, so apparently nine out of ten either knew who they were or didn't think it detracted from the paper if they didn't.
    Well, it's a very creative idea so I'm not knocking it at all. That's great that you have such an original approach to your application. If you must make reference to the Illuminati, try to put it in a historical context rather than making any references to the Dan Brown novels or related films.

    It's actually better that you do use it in a satire rather than seriously, so I'm sorry in my first reply I assumed you were going to make reference to it in some sort of serious manner. But the problem with satire is that it's ruined if it's overexplained, or if the reader (or viewer) doesn't "get it." Just keep all that in mind, and best of luck to you!

  2. #32
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    That's good advice m sunrise. Always remember your audience when writing. Satire is very tricky in your situation. It assumes a famiiarity between the reader and the writer that might not be there in your case. I'd stick to using it in a historical context. That's the safest route in my opinion. Good luck with your paper!

  3. #33
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    To answer OP's question, duh...

  4. #34
    Geolectric teslashock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    As I'm writing my college entrance essays, I'm getting one particular one thoroughly critiqued, because it's also a school project. One person commented in particular that they had no idea what I meant when I mentioned the Illuminati.

    But this kid isn't my intended audience, you see. My intended audience is the college application readers. Would a college application reader be up to date on conspiracy theories?
    People who read college entrance applications are typically professors that are scholarly in some field. If they come across a topic in an application's essay about which they know nothing, it's pretty likely they will look it up. It would probably impress them and humble them slightly to find an applicant that can expose their own ignorance to them.

    I say go for it. If a reader doesn't know what the Illuminati is, it's not going to indicate that you are an unworthy applicant. The reader will simply look it up and then go on with reading your essay for what it's worth. If a reader does know what the Illuminati is, then they skip that small research step and go on with reading your essay for what it's worth.

  5. #35
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    I'm watching you.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  6. #36
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Uh. I already submitted this essay, so critiquing my use of the word is pretty pointless now.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  7. #37
    Senior Member _Violence_'s Avatar
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    Why the FUCK would you talk about conspiracy theories in a college application essay...

    My essay talked about the suicide of my father and a sad childhood in an attempt to get the application staff to empathize with me and thus increase my chances of getting accepted due to them feeling sorry or something.

  8. #38
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Violence_ View Post
    My essay talked about the suicide of my father and a sad childhood in an attempt to get the application staff to empathize with me and thus increase my chances of getting accepted due to them feeling sorry or something.
    Nothing sad has ever happened to me in my life, so I thought I ought to make them laugh instead.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  9. #39
    Senior Member _Violence_'s Avatar
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    They might just think you're weird bro.

  10. #40

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    As Tesla said, the profs will probably be on his page.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

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