Massaging my boss

[Spamtar]

Well, he's described the situations with his previous employees.. saying some where fine with it, one backed out after the first time. What sort of retaliation do you mean?Good point.

i.e. fires you, files criminal charges against you, sues you for injuring him, places you/waits for you to get in a vulnerable situation and then asks you to do something else that further crosses the boundary.

What he is doing is inappropriate and he knows it. You can keep the job if you like but a letter from an attorney may be all that is needed to keep everyone on the up and up.

If it was me I would just quit. But then again that sucks for the next person who gets the job. So if it was me I would at least have an attorney make a written record of what happened for the sake of posterity.

 

[Amargith]

Personally, I'd have no problem with being asked to do this, if I were trained for it. But him training me..I dunno..it's not like he's a licensed therapist himself, and I wouldn't wanna get it wrong and cause injury. I'd be happy to learn though, by taking classes or something. But not just from him. Him telling me how he likes it done can be inserted in that training then.

Most important of all..I'd listen to my gut. If that's telling me there's no reason to doubt him, I'd have no problem with the job on its own. But that's up to you to gauge.

If on the off chance, my gut turns out wrong, I'd quit in a heartbeat. Make sure you know very much what the line is for you. And communicate it clearly to him, so there are no misunderstandings.

 

[Kalach]

Physical injuries equals massage by employees? I suppose if he gets a history of being kicked in the nuts, you'll have to massage his penis.

 

[01011010]

This is highly unprofessional.

 

[Tewt]

I'm surprised he hasn't been sued yet. Or he is very savvy at picking employees that would be ok with it, much like a predator.

I would highly suggest running a background check on him. Intelius has pretty cheap services. Also just google his name and look on social networking sites. He sounds like a creep to me.

 

[Laurie]

What makes it creepy if you pay a massage therapist but not a personal assistant?

I have no idea the legality or anything, sounds weird, but I really don't know.

 

[Tewt]

Is she getting paid as a massage therapist? Does she even know how to do it? No, he wants to personally train her. Someone he barely knows, she barely knows him...but he wants to train her how to give him a full body massage while nude. In a private room, all by themselves.

The creep part is someone in a position of power asking (more like demanding) for a "service" that involves touching. Also, from the OP...she needed a job and money, was unsure but wanted to secure the job. Don't think those type of people don't know who they are hiring. He knew, he has done it before. Thats not a question you can ask anyone, its rather bold and he could be potentially sued. So yeah, he knows exactly who he can ask and who he can't. Creeper vibes right there. Who in their right mind would ask that? What payoff is he getting?

And OP sounds very young. More gigantic red flags.

 

[Laurie]

Is she getting paid as a massage therapist? Does she even know how to do it? No, he wants to personally train her. Someone he barely knows, she barely knows him...but he wants to train her how to give him a full body massage while nude. In a private room, all by themselves.

That's how my massage went when a massage therapist was paid to do it. I really don't know the legality on it but I'm sure the people in this thread don't either and are making an awful lot of comments about how terrible he is.

 

[Spamtar]

I am getting the same vibe as Tewt. (and I love to get massage). Its not just the act, something is wrong.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

That's how my massage went when a massage therapist was paid to do it. I really don't know the legality on it but I'm sure the people in this thread don't either and are making an awful lot of comments about how terrible he is.

The field is regulated with licensing requirements. I do part-time work with a massage therapist (as an accompanying musician), and he teaches classes in it for others to be certified. He has a series of questions he asks each participant regarding their health history, if they have injuries, and some guidelines for communication during the massage. It is for legal purposes as well as to be most effective. There's a fair amount of information that goes into the training.

 

[Tewt]

That's how my massage went when a massage therapist was paid to do it. I really don't know the legality on it but I'm sure the people in this thread don't either and are making an awful lot of comments about how terrible he is.

Exactly!!! (at the bolded) This guy could do the same. He could go to a massage parlor and tell the licensed masseuse exactly as he wants it. He really really doesnt want to. If he goes to any reputable place, they will be able to do it exactly how he wants. He is using an excuse that he needs someone with no experience so he can train them how to do it as he likes. That doesn't seem the least bit creepy to you?

Also, she didn't chose that profession. She is not in a massage parlor. She is going to a private location of his choosing with no one else around...unlike a massage parlor where there are safety measures for each of the techs.

Also, she was told that it was leg injuries. But when they get into the private room it turns into a full nude body massage. Something doesnt add up.

This is not a question or request that you can ask of just anybody. This guy is very careful who he asks this of. She needs a job. She is being offered one, as long as she performs this service. When a predatory person knows something about you (like if you need money) they will use that button.

And yes, he can be sued under sexual harassment laws. Or even be charged with lewd conduct. What if he flips over nude and OP sees his penis? What if she is upset and goes to the police? Or what if he starts wacking off in front of her? Any business owner is going to know that these are things you do not do in the workplace if you want your business to survive. But the fact that he is asking this of her, does imply that there is something wrong or "off" about him.

 

[proteanmix]

I'm surprised he hasn't been sued yet. Or he is very savvy at picking employees that would be ok with it, much like a predator.

Ding, ding, ding!

I think people like this have a spidey sense about who is susceptible to their advances. Even the fact that you say he prefers untrained masseuses so he can show them rather than getting a professional who is being paid to customize their massages towards to the client sounds fishy to me.

 

[Laurie]

Ok, ok, I was just trying to do the possible other side. I would not massage my boss but I have no idea about this type of job.

 

[little.bad.apple]

Agreed, I shouldn't put myself in that situation. Simply not worth all of the possible repercussions.

So what is the consensus on still working for him but without any of the massage stuff?

 

[Tewt]

Agreed, I shouldn't put myself in that situation. Simply not worth all of the possible repercussions.

So what is the consensus on still working for him but without any of the massage stuff?

Personally, I wouldn't work for him. If you were my daughter, I would try to convince you not to work for him either.

At the least, if you still want to -- run the background checks and google him.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

If you want an easy way out you could tell him your boyfriend found out about the massages (smelled massage-oil on you or something) and despite your assurances that it was all non-sexual etc etc got really jealous. So to placate him you'd like to be excused from massage-duties if it's ok etc etc.

 

[little.bad.apple]

Personally, I wouldn't work for him. If you were my daughter, I would try to convince you not to work for him either.

At the least, if you still want to -- run the background checks and google him.

You wouldn't because of mistrust, fear of danger, or why exactly?

Will do.

If you want an easy way out you could tell him your boyfriend found out about the massages (smelled massage-oil on you or something) and despite your assurances that it was all non-sexual etc etc got really jealous. So to placate him you'd like to be excused from massage-duties if it's ok etc etc.

Yes, good one. It seems though, that it's completely fine with him if I just tell him I;m not comfortable with it.

 

[Tiltyred]

I've been a secretary for many years, and I do offer my female attorney shoulder rubs when she has been working 16 hour days for days in a row. There is absolutely nothing sexual about it, I took a 10-week massage course, I'm good at it, and I don't mind. I offer it because I can tell by looking at her that she's exhausted and it would do her good. I once went around the table in the workroom and gave every person there 10 minutes of neck and shoulder work.

HOWEVER. In your situation, I want to say "Come over here so I can see the hole in your head." No no and no, for all the reasons stated above. And the fact that you're not trained/licensed is the most solid reason to use, IMO. A licensed/legal massage therapist has been to a lot of school and done practice massages on a lot of nekkid people. Here are links to some programs so you can see what's involved. If those people with all that education can't massage him the way he likes it, something's wrong with how he likes it, IMO.
Virginia School of Massage - Our Programs
Northern Virginia School of Therapuetic Massage - Massage therapy in Northern Virginia, Washington D.C. and Marlyand
I'm sure you can find others, but my point is, we're talking 60-some hours of course work.

I have done and have received a lot of massage in my life, and if you want it just like you want it, you train the person you receive from to give it to you that way -- it just happens over time, or it should. So I'm saying whatever he has to do to train you, he would have to do with a professional body worker, too. And massage therapists make outcalls all the time. Someone could come to his office regularly with a portable table and give him however much massage he's willing to pay for.

 

[Tewt]

You wouldn't because of mistrust, fear of danger, or why exactly?

Will do..

Because of the way he proposed this to you. He said it was just leg rubs (already boundary crossing imo) then it turned into a full body nude massage. It is dishonest and disingenious. And this is when you're first getting to know someone. There are some things that I do take at face value and I'm not going to question myself over it, I know who I am but I don't know them. Get what I mean?

And just by the act of asking you would be too much for me. To me, it says this person is not normal. He has no respect for boundaries. I would also question his mental health. I would be permanently uncomfortable around him.

Also if you were my daughter asking me this -- I would question your awareness. What is the next ridiculous request? And what will she do then? If she has to ask advice for a situation that makes her feel uncomfortable and should she continue doing it -- I would have serious reservations about her continuing to work in that environment.

Tiltyred's experience is a lot different reading, it shows how things were handled in a healthy manner for everyone involved. There's no secrecy, no hiding it. Its a fairly comfortable situation for everyone.

 

[matmos]

Anyways, thoughts? reprimands? Perspective please?

If he asks you to "toss the caber", an extra payment should be requested.

$50 sounds about right for an "executive massage".

Don't forget the marigolds.