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  1. #81
    Mud and rain and chaos... TickTock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    I tend to disagree unless she is going to quit. Indirect "softeners" like I can't play poker tonight my wife won't let me. May seem cowardly and somewhat dishonest, yet it makes it much easier on the recipients ego and thus avoids unwanted debate on the issue or overreaction.
    I don't think it's so much the dishonesty or the softening tactic which I understand. But my point is to not give him the wrong idea, for him to think she wanted to but her boyfriend got in the way. And that it's important to lay down the boundaries so he knows it's not ok.Thats all an aside though. It's clear he is exploiting his position and that's where he gets his kicks. I'd wonder why the prvious girls no longer work for him.
    ~ Truth ~ Freedom ~ Health ~ Love ~ Communication ~ Humor ~ Respect ~

  2. #82
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Why should she blame her boyfriend? Is this to spare his feelings? To give the impression that if she was single it would be ok? That she isn't strong enough to make her own decisions?

    Honestly I don't understand this suggestion nor do I understand why people suggest it's the best way out. There are times to play innocent and suggest someone else is the reason something can't happen but not this, how would that establish boundaries? If he's looking for ways to get her to do something she's not comfortable with knowing she's too insecure in herself to be blunt or worries too much about offending him to say she's uncomfortable means he can figure out how to manipulate her, and rather easily.

    Besides, she's already stated there's no issue with telling him she doesn't want to do it without needing an excuse.
    I didn't suggest it was the best way out. I suggested it as an easy way out. However, it did seem to me to be a good way to set some crucial boundaries with him in case he is predatory without needlessly offending him if he is not. I based this on the assumption that reforming/educating him was not the priority.

  3. #83
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by little.bad.apple View Post
    Agreed, I shouldn't put myself in that situation. Simply not worth all of the possible repercussions.

    So what is the consensus on still working for him but without any of the massage stuff?
    Absolutely. NOT!
    The naked massage is just the beginning. Seriously, I can help you find a job.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  4. #84

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    This sounds sketchy as hell.

    edit:

    I see the OP made the decision to quit the position. I say good for you. I believe it's the wise thing to do. You never know if something could have happened or not, but why risk it when you don't have to? Also, you were uncomfortable with it from the get go, and there's no good reason to disregard that feeling considering it was a potentially risky situation. Good luck finding new work.
    Thank you



    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    having your assistant do it is more convenient if you arent picky about technique (you think when guys get a massage we know about all that fancy hand work? hell, i just think it's relaxing!) and in general this type of confusion is fairly common when people arent entirely honest about their reasons. some people just aint that smart and dont recognize why honesty is the best policy, and not sensitive enough to see why asking her to start that part of the job when she had just met him is way too soon.

    i know im going way out on a limb to defend the guy but i just think it was possible he wasnt going to do anything wrong, cant help it! she was slightly uneasy about the situation just tells me it was an uneasy situation, which it was, i dont see anything about the guy acting "off" (of course im sure some sociopaths have good acting skills, which is scary!)

    im know im being way too stubborn, so im just gonna shut up about it now
    Yeah, this was my perspective as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    You are absolutely correct with that, it is possible he wasn't going to push it any further, thing is no one but him and maybe his previous PAs know for sure, all anyone else can go off is their knowledge of what is normal and their intuition about the situation, if it wasn't a young female alone, unaware and not a specialist in massage he would get more benefit of the doubt. The potential dangers are too great. This is where I'm coming from v
    Exactly, tis the bottom line.

    Quote Originally Posted by Risen View Post
    At this point I already determined that you have not an ounce of sense or reasoning, and anything you say henceforth will be ridiculous.

    I think you should quit the job and go work as a lobbyist handing out "favors" to politicians instead . You'd make a lot more money, and they'd likely give you gifts too . In fact, I know a man in Orange County named Michael D. Duvall (Assembly?District representative) who could probably give you the hook up.
    This attempt at humor just seems like an excuse for name-dropping haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by Risen View Post
    Thank you. This isn't difficult to understand. I understood it just by reading the title of the thread.

    and for goodness sake.

    I mean, i can't believe that you actually have a problem with what's really going on there in the first place. You likely just have a slight bit of guilt because a part of you says you shouldn't be doing that, but overall you don't mind massaging your nude boss even if he's doing it to take advantage of all his female employees. Some part of you likes it/doesn't care, and you're simply denying the extremely overtly obvious facts of the situation.

    And no, your bf would NOT like that.
    Yes, I like it/don't care.. that's why I'd decided I wouldn't go on with it. Nah, not denying facts, but rather being excessively open-minded, accommodating & idealistic about the situation.

    Yes, I acknowledged that my boyfriend would freak out.... You're an INTP.. you shouldn't be stating the obvious
    We always have a choice.

  5. #85
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    But...he could pay a masseuse to give him his daily massage. Why wouldn't he want to simply hire a licensed massage therapist, maybe get a cheaper rate since he's a frequent customer? The answer seems fairly obvious to me.
    someone I know brought up something obvious when I mentioned this to them... this guy is probably not a pervert, he's just cheap (eg, why have a professional masseuse come in at $50+/hr when your employee can do it for $15/hr)--although an unappealing that is not so morally wrong. also, even if the chances of him being a sex offender in the making are slim, it is entirely likely that she could face legal implications if she were to injure him due to lack of proper training. that on the other hand makes opting out as she did a reasonable choice imo.

  6. #86
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    someone I know brought up something obvious when I mentioned this to them... this guy is probably not a pervert, he's just cheap (eg, why have a professional masseuse come in at $50+/hr when your employee can do it for $15/hr)--although an unappealing that is not so morally wrong. also, even if the chances of him being a sex offender in the making are slim, it is entirely likely that she could face legal implications if she were to injure him due to lack of proper training. that on the other hand makes opting out as she did a reasonable choice imo.
    I thought of that, too--it IS possible he could be just cheap. But it seems if he were just cheap and needed massage on his leg, that perhaps he'd just have her massage the leg, with him wearing a pair of shorts or something.

    If he's just doing it to be cheap, though, he's not very smart--if she (or anyone else) sued him for sexual harrassment, he could be paying a lot more in the long run. I would think that appearing naked in front of your assistant and asking her to massage you would be a pretty solid case for sexual harrassment, no matter what his actual intentions were.
    Something Witty

  7. #87
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Didn't she says its a massage normally done in the nude? Not that he was nude?

  8. #88
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    That's beyond sketchy. It doesn't matter whether the boss's intentions are innocent or not, it's not an appropriate request for any employee not in a massage career. He may be stupid/naive enough to not realize that, but that doesn't mean he should be indulged...

    And having it done with you two alone in some rented room? Way more sketchy...I can't believe anyone would consider that to be acceptable. You can still be open-minded without accepting every behaviour...
    -end of thread-

  9. #89
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TickTock View Post
    I don't think it's so much the dishonesty or the softening tactic which I understand. But my point is to not give him the wrong idea, for him to think she wanted to but her boyfriend got in the way. And that it's important to lay down the boundaries so he knows it's not ok.Thats all an aside though. It's clear he is exploiting his position and that's where he gets his kicks. I'd wonder why the prvious girls no longer work for him.
    Yours is a very good point, its tough to completely address this without being there in the room with the game playing predator. One thing appears sure, he won't play fair.

    Assume there are games and games within games being played. In my style I like to start with an indirect method and softener to calibrate the intensity of the situtation/adversary. Often this does the job.
    If not then use a more direct approach if they are not getting the hint...also body language should come into play. Kinda like boxing where the "softener" is the jab and the absolutly direct is an upper cut.

    Direct communication is often like salt added to soup. You cant take it out after you put it in the pot. Power games like politics are a bitch.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

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    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  10. #90
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Didn't she says its a massage normally done in the nude? Not that he was nude?
    The wording was a little confusing, but she did say he was nude:

    But it wasn't until today that I realized it was a full body massage... which is customarily done in the nude. And I have to admit it was a tiny bit shocking seeing this person I'd just met naked, let alone touching him in that state.
    Something Witty

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