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  1. #71
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    I don't think it has anything to do with the media. If OP was not uncomfortable she would have never posted it here. She ignored herself.

  2. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    I respect your expertise on the subject, but your experience has only been with situations like this where the guy is a sick pervert. I'm actually not suprised most people responded the way we did, the media constantly preys on our fears, especially the fear of our own complacency.

    I don't find the boss' response suprising either... she agreed to the position then later changed her mind. My guess is he has probably dealt with this same reaction before and wants an assistant who is comfortable with it, finding someone else would certainly be easier. Still, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to have an assistant who can also perform his daily massage if that is in fact all he wants.

    I can't say she made the wrong decision, it was definately the safer choice. I just want to point out the heavy confirmation bias here.
    Well it's just the general shadiness of the whole thing...like why, if he has suffered multiple injuries to the leg, does he need a whole body massage? Why doesn't he have a professional do that (and don't give me that money crap...there are real risks for all parties involved with just getting someone off of the street to work on your injured limbs)? And why didn't he tell her this right off of the bat? And why does it have to happen alone at his place? And why, if the massaging was so optional, did he not keep her on? Why doesn't he just say from the beginning that he won't hire someone unless they are willing to give the massages? What is the purpose of having the "optional" part in there when it is in fact not optional?

    All of these little inconsistencies and the lack of straightforwardness make me think this guy is not to be trusted.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Well it's just the general shadiness of the whole thing...like why, if he has suffered multiple injuries to the leg, does he need a whole body massage? Why doesn't he have a professional do that (and don't give me that money crap...there are real risks for all parties involved with just getting someone off of the street to work on your injured limbs)? And why didn't he tell her this right off of the bat? And why does it have to happen alone at his place? And why, if the massaging was so optional, did he not keep her on? Why doesn't he just say from the beginning that he won't hire someone unless they are willing to give the massages? What is the purpose of having the "optional" part in there when it is in fact not optional?

    All of these little inconsistencies and the lack of straightforwardness make me think this guy is not to be trusted.
    having your assistant do it is more convenient if you arent picky about technique (you think when guys get a massage we know about all that fancy hand work? hell, i just think it's relaxing!) and in general this type of confusion is fairly common when people arent entirely honest about their reasons. some people just aint that smart and dont recognize why honesty is the best policy, and not sensitive enough to see why asking her to start that part of the job when she had just met him is way too soon.

    i know im going way out on a limb to defend the guy but i just think it was possible he wasnt going to do anything wrong, cant help it! she was slightly uneasy about the situation just tells me it was an uneasy situation, which it was, i dont see anything about the guy acting "off" (of course im sure some sociopaths have good acting skills, which is scary!)

    im know im being way too stubborn, so im just gonna shut up about it now

  4. #74
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    This really sounds like the opening scene of a porno

  5. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    but i just think it was possible he wasnt going to do anything wrong
    You are absolutely correct with that, it is possible he wasn't going to push it any further, thing is no one but him and maybe his previous PAs know for sure, all anyone else can go off is their knowledge of what is normal and their intuition about the situation, if it wasn't a young female alone, unaware and not a specialist in massage he would get more benefit of the doubt. The potential dangers are too great. This is where I'm coming from v

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy
    Cafe made an excellent suggestion--read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. This is just the kind of thing he talks about. We're socialized to be nice and think the best about people, and we end up second-guessing our instincts. No, they're not always right, but SO many people say "if only I had listened to that little voice" after an assault.
    This is something that affects women more than men, being alone with the wrong man can have dire consequences, we have to listen to our guts if we have a feeling something isn't right and ignore how society has trained us to care about offending others and being polite.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by little.bad.apple View Post
    Well, I'm not sure what to make of my situation.

    I was recently hired as a personal assistant after over a year of unsuccessfully searching for a job.

    My boss mentioned from the very beginning that he's had various leg injuries so he's been receiving massages 7 years now from the assistants he's had. He presented the massaging portion of the job as an option, though, the main duties being filing, light cleaning, and general organizing. So I said yes to that portion of the job, eager to secure the job (and seeing no real problem with it).

    So up until recently we'd only communicated with each other through email and over the phone. Today we met in person as a sort of interview to ensure that we were certain we wanted to work together. We met at Starbucks and then went on to the room he rents, in which he has his office. Anyways, I agreed to the massaging and we went through with it. He was very nice about it and kept making sure I was comfortable with it.

    But it wasn't until today that I realized it was a full body massage... which is customarily done in the nude. And I have to admit it was a tiny bit shocking seeing this person I'd just met naked, let alone touching him in that state.

    Well, I like to think of myself as quite open-minded. But for some reason I didn't feel as comfortable as I wanted to. I had thoughts of: 'What is my boyfriend going to think', 'or my friends', 'Is this wrong', 'is it my prudish upbringing'.. etc.

    So I really don't know how I feel about it. It just seems so foreign and potentially taboo that it's confusing me. I think there's nothing wrong with it in theory, so I don't know what the problem is.

    Maybe I'm just too concerned with how others would view it. Even though I don't believe that should necessarily be a determining factor.

    Anyways, thoughts? reprimands? Perspective please?
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  7. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by little.bad.apple View Post
    Anyways, I agreed to the massaging and we went through with it.
    At this point I already determined that you have not an ounce of sense or reasoning, and anything you say henceforth will be ridiculous.

    I think you should quit the job and go work as a lobbyist handing out "favors" to politicians instead . You'd make a lot more money, and they'd likely give you gifts too . In fact, I know a man in Orange County named Michael D. Duvall (Assembly?District representative) who could probably give you the hook up.

  8. #78
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    Uh, unless you're a licensed massage therapist it seems fairly creepy. Professional men often hire escorts to come with them into hotel rooms and give them massages. If he wants a legit massage he can get a licensed therapist.

    Are you desperate for money? I would be uncomfortable continuing to work for someone like that.

    But that's all on you. No judgement here, believe me.

  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    I respect your expertise on the subject, but your experience has only been with situations like this where the guy is a sick pervert. I'm actually not suprised most people responded the way we did, the media constantly preys on our fears, especially the fear of our own complacency.

    I don't find the boss' response suprising either... she agreed to the position then later changed her mind. My guess is he has probably dealt with this same reaction before and wants an assistant who is comfortable with it, finding someone else would certainly be easier. Still, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to have an assistant who can also perform his daily massage if that is in fact all he wants.

    I can't say she made the wrong decision, it was definately the safer choice. I just want to point out the heavy confirmation bias here.

    But...he could pay a masseuse to give him his daily massage. Why wouldn't he want to simply hire a licensed massage therapist, maybe get a cheaper rate since he's a frequent customer? The answer seems fairly obvious to me.

  10. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    But...he could pay a masseuse to give him his daily massage. Why wouldn't he want to simply hire a licensed massage therapist, maybe get a cheaper rate since he's a frequent customer? The answer seems fairly obvious to me.
    Thank you. This isn't difficult to understand. I understood it just by reading the title of the thread.

    and for goodness sake.

    I mean, i can't believe that you actually have a problem with what's really going on there in the first place. You likely just have a slight bit of guilt because a part of you says you shouldn't be doing that, but overall you don't mind massaging your nude boss even if he's doing it to take advantage of all his female employees. Some part of you likes it/doesn't care, and you're simply denying the extremely overtly obvious facts of the situation.

    And no, your bf would NOT like that.

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