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  1. #11
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    This sounds suspicious. As his assistant, what other things does he expect you to dig into his personal life? If his injuries are really so much of a problem for him, don't you think he would be hiring a professional to take care of this instead of some assistant whose training is in typing and excel?
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  2. #12
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Serious, serious boundaries issue IMO. He's perfectly capable of paying a licensed massage therapist for this service in an environment set up for it with oversight and everything else that entails. If you say the massage stuff makes you uncomfortable and then he fires you, I'd definitely report him.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  3. #13
    THREADKILLER Prototype's Avatar
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    He's a creep,... Why are still thinking about it?
    ... They say that knowledge is free, and to truly acquire wisdom always comes with a price... Well then,... That will be $10, please!

  4. #14
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I also have to say that I agree with Trinity- there is NO WAY I would enter the domicile/office of a man I barely know, and be with him alone while he's undressed for any reason. There is nothing innocent about this, IMO.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  5. #15
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I'm freaked out just reading this. I haven't read the book, but this strikes me as the kind of thing that would come up in The Gift of Fear.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #16
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    You should find out what is required by personal assistants. I've never been a personal assistant. They really do have different jobs than secretaries, that's about all I know.

  7. #17
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING seek out consultation of an attorney in your jurisdiction who specializes in sexual harassment/employment law. Litigation may not be necessary and you may be able to find one who will give you a free consultation or limited cost consultation. If they are ethical they will give you advice on how best to address this situation to either tip it at the bud (like write a letter for you to your boss on his legal letterhead or otherwise proceed as necessary).

    IMO it is an inappropriate boundary to place yourself in he might ask for a handjob next. My only concern is that there may be some sort of retaliation by him if you do not proceed in addressing the matter appropriately.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  8. #18
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Serious, serious boundaries issue IMO. He's perfectly capable of paying a licensed massage therapist for this service in an environment set up for it with oversight and everything else that entails. If you say the massage stuff makes you uncomfortable and then he fires you, I'd definitely report him.
    I agree. If you are not a licensed massage therapist, then there are other issues to consider if you are required to give massages as part of employment. It is possible to injure someone if you don't have training. This is especially true if they have a physical injury. Besides the sense of personal boundaries being crossed, he could probably technically take legal action if he was injured by someone being paid to give him a massage without a license. I wouldn't do it.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Find the reason
    Is it just that you don't like the idea in general or is he giving off a vibe you don't trust?

    And if you don't like the idea in general, could it be just because you don't know him well enough yet? Could you see yourself doing it for a friend? Is it perhaps possible to ask him to meet up a couple of times more to get to know him, to make you comfortable with it? For him too, it might be nice to get to know the person who is going to be touching him

    For that matter, are you a trained masseuse? How is it that he wants you to do this if you are not? And if you are, why is this something you're uncomfortable with?
    I'm just not entirely comfortable with the idea of it. His vibe is very normal, it seems to show that he's been doing it for years IMO. Yes, it could be that I don't know him well enough yet.

    Well, according to him, he likes training the person who does it because he finds already-trained masseuses to be too mechanical. He wants to be able to teach someone how to do it from scratch.

    And of course, I don't know if his preference is also influenced by this, but even though the pay is quite good, I'm sure a licensed masseuse would charge much more.

    Quote Originally Posted by YourLocalJesus View Post
    Haha, no. It wouldn't be normal here in Sweden, either.
    Swedish work ethic would probably make us do it until/if something of sexual nature occured, and then file a lawsuit against the bastard.
    If it's nothing sexual at all, and he's not a pervert who loves to be surrounded by nice INFP women touching his body...

    Hey wait, that stuff doesn't sound half-bad, actually
    What do you mean work ethic would make you do it until then..? People would be clever about getting back at a perv like that so they'd keep going till the law protected them?

    Yes, it's nothing sexual at all, or at least it doesn't feel remotely sexual. Hehe, of course.. who better than nurturing INFPs right?

    Quote Originally Posted by murkrow View Post
    Shit is fucked up.

    He should be using a professional masseuse.

    What would your boyfriend think? Probably that this guy is a fucking cunt expecting too much of female employees who are desperate for employment.

    You can meditate on how much you need the position and how much it bothers you to do this.

    also the pay had better be great.

    urgh... he should have a male assistant if he's gonna pull this shit.

    Yeah, I'm thinking my boyfriend will freak out when I tell him.. for lack of a better term.

    Well, he seemed to convey that if the assistant isn't comfortable with the massaging part, that he'll just have to hire someone else who will do it. Though he prefers having only one person because it's obviously much more convenient.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Uhm. It doesn't sound any good (for you. For him it sounds pretty good, but that's not the point).
    Exactly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Serious, serious boundaries issue IMO. He's perfectly capable of paying a licensed massage therapist for this service in an environment set up for it with oversight and everything else that entails. If you say the massage stuff makes you uncomfortable and then he fires you, I'd definitely report him.
    What if he is completely fine with me just doing the other part of the job, what would you think about still working for him?

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING seek out consultation of an attorney in your jurisdiction who specializes in sexual harassment/employment law. Litigation may not be necessary and you may be able to find one who will give you a free consultation or limited cost consultation. If they are ethical they will give you advice on how best to address this situation to either tip it at the bud (like write a letter for you to your boss on his legal letterhead or otherwise proceed as necessary).

    IMO it is an inappropriate boundary to place yourself in he might ask for a handjob next. My only concern is that there may be some sort of retaliation by him if you do not proceed in addressing the matter appropriately.
    Well, he's described the situations with his previous employees.. saying some where fine with it, one backed out after the first time. What sort of retaliation do you mean?

    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I agree. If you are not a licensed massage therapist, then there are other issues to consider if you are required to give massages as part of employment. It is possible to injure someone if you don't have training. This is especially true if they have a physical injury. Besides the sense of personal boundaries being crossed, he could probably technically take legal action if he was injured by someone being paid to give him a massage without a license. I wouldn't do it.
    Good point.
    We always have a choice.

  10. #20
    Senior Member avolkiteshvara's Avatar
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    What are you complaining about. Its just a little hand.

    The poor guy is in pain.

    Its not like he asked to penetrate you.

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