Teaching and Kids' Feelings

[run]

I've been thinking for a long long time about this. My first question would be "what is the value of feelings?" This is a thick question. When is it appropriate to keep them in mind, and when does it hinder teaching? How do we define "hurt feelings"? A kid could be hurt by the lightest reproach, and I don't think the teacher should always change for the student. Also, aren't feelings subjective? I think they matter but they are subjective. Meaning, we can't know what they are. We can't know how a kid will feel, but I think it matters. I believe in not only logical morality, but objective morality. Yes, thats an apparent oxymoron/contradiction/whatever. But, trying to logically understand why feelings matter is still very difficult for me.

Once we know the answer to those questions, we can choose between two approaches to teaching.

the A way -- care about people's feelings. My therapist, once, when his daughter came home 4 hours late, said "I'm so angry at you, I'll talk to you in the morning." He advocates "respectfully reaming someone out". I'm curious what this means.

the B way -- don't care. Respect is redefined. My marching band director takes this stance, and its obvious. "What happens on the field stays on the field. It's not personal." This view I don't understand, because I've never spoken to her about it.

I don't think it's feeling-centered. If its not feeling-centered, then how do make sure to mind them, while teaching? I've had ADD for a long time, and I've forgotten so many things, missed so many directions. I would strain and try to pay attention, but sometimes I just couldn't process information. I felt like a real idiot.

 

[Ivy]

As usual, I'm a fan of the C way. IMO and IME different kids respond to different approaches. Some kids are approval-seekers and being punative with them can cause them to shut down or hate you and decide you're not worth respecting. Others are line-pushers and need a firmer approach. And there are many shades in between.

 

[run]

As usual, I'm a fan of the C way. IMO and IME different kids respond to different approaches. Some kids are approval-seekers and being punative with them can cause them to shut down or hate you and decide you're not worth respecting. Others are line-pushers and need a firmer approach. And there are many shades in between.

I'm more concerned with what is right, rather than what is effective.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I'm more concerned with what is right, rather than what is effective.

Ahhh. I tend to think those are the same.

 

[run]

Ahhh. I tend to think those are the same.

yeah. I guess to be more specific, doing what is right would lead the child to learn intrinsic values like responsibility, maturity and independence. Doing what's expedient for the moment might be waking him up for school because he slept through his alarm. He won't learn. It seemed Ivy is saying "well some kids should be woken up, some shouldn't be". That's addressing the diversity of what works for what kids. But, I think there might be a universal way to behave that is right and also make the best results.

 

[run]

Is it better for a kid to get yelled at, and better for another to have a different approach? It may be subjective. If it is, then we'd have to say that a teacher would have to just choose somewhere along the spectrum of niceness, and inevitably not get through to every single kid.

 

[Ivy]

What I'm saying is that there is no one-size-fits-all method of teaching responsibility, maturity, and independence to all kids. A feelings-sparing method might light up some kids, but just wash over others and not even be noticed. And an impersonal method might reach those kids, but make the first set of kids completely shut you out.

 

[run]

What I'm saying is that there is no one-size-fits-all method of teaching responsibility, maturity, and independence to all kids. A feelings-sparing method might light up some kids, but just wash over others and not even be noticed. And an impersonal method might reach those kids, but make the first set of kids completely shut you out.

I think that which reaches to the second group is not the impersonalness, but the straightforwardness. I wonder if there's a way to be straightforward, and not be impersonal. I think we can teach kids things and not be an ass. Not sure how though. There is also an interpretation factor.

 

[cafe]

I think you can be straight forward and not impersonal if you go out of your way to praise kids who are making an effort as individuals and if you use good-natured humor when correcting.

 

[rainoneventide]

A teacher's primary role and goal is to expand their students' mind so they can go out there in the real world and be more independent/enlightened, and to do that each teacher has their own methods. It's not to be the condescending authority figure that always knows what's best, or the coddling ninny.

Like any other human being, teachers should treat their students with respect while keeping their role in mind. They aren't the parent or therapist. They don't even need to understand why feelings matter, they just need to have respect for those feelings.

Yelling at a student is the wrong way to go about things. When teachers yell, it shows that they have no control over their emotions, which means that they're not confident with their authority, and which also means they don't think the kid deserves respect.

Expecting a student to allow someone to yell at them is basically teaching them that they should always submit to their superiors despite any blatant disrespect they're bombarded with.

Again, teachers aren't disciplinarians. They're teachers. If the teacher can't come up with a way to teach the student why what they did or how they act isn't in anyone's best interests, then just kick them out of class.

Sadly, I think there's only a minority of people who even think about this shit. (You guys are in the minority, lol.)

 

[Sacrator]

Is it better for a kid to get yelled at, and better for another to have a different approach? It may be subjective. If it is, then we'd have to say that a teacher would have to just choose somewhere along the spectrum of niceness, and inevitably not get through to every single kid.

I think there is something called the behavioral theory something idk i cant remember but its proven that if you praise kids for the good things they do and ignore the bad things they do the bad behavior will start to disappear. Also the kids well being will improve from all the positive attention their getting.

 

[Snow Turtle]

Haven't fully grasped the thread however I'd think the right approach is getting children used to different approaches in a comfortable manner. While some children benefit more from praises, to continously do this will shelter them from the more harsher conditions of some people. There was an INTP on the other forum that advocated making the students fail in something major so that develop the ability to move on. Balance seems to be the most effective way, and for me... I'd say the correct way of managing things with such a diverse group.

The value of feelings reminds me of the whole T/F debates that are shown up here. Are feelings rational or not? All I know is that my feelings are what created my ethical models as there's no reason to follow moral codes without the feeling component. What's the incentive? You already mentioned it being abit of an oxymoron though.

the A way -- care about people's feelings. My therapist, once, when his daughter came home 4 hours late, said "I'm so angry at you, I'll talk to you in the morning." He advocates "respectfully reaming someone out". I'm curious what this means.

I've no idea what he means as well. Perhaps he's talking about talking to his daughter calmly in the morning. But the whole reaming idea sounds rather passive aggresive, punishment through guilt...

 

[Liminality]

I've no idea what he means as well. Perhaps he's talking about talking to his daughter calmly in the morning. But the whole reaming idea sounds rather passive aggresive, punishment through guilt...

Funny how interpretation can differ, sound like he's being conflict avoidant - ie doesn't want to deal with intense emotions of any sort, to me.

I agree that balance is key, it's like with music, you push one kid into exams and they excell, you push another and they never touch the instrument again.

On one hand one needs to engage and sympathise with students, on the other, babying them is not a good thing.


Consistency and evidence of control are good too.

It's like being a good parent, my mum said the best advice she was given was:

'What ever you do, do it with love(Feeling) and consistency(Thinking)' True love means a parent can do the tough love(thinkingfeeling, rationalizing that a disciplined approach is benificial/more effective, feeling enough care for the child to know they'll be happier in the long run with discipline) thing as well as sweet, happy happy joy joy, affirmating love.

 

[ilovetrannies]

OP, I've had some great teachers and some horrible ones who treated me like shit. I believe that they were disrespectful to me and unfeeling. Almost like a sociopath would. If teachers cannot treat others like a decent human being, they need to find another job.

Teachers are not there to be disciplinarians, that is what the principle, vice principle and counselors are there for. Children with bad behaviors aren't going to listen or care, so its really not the teachers problem. I have two aunts, my uncle and grandmother, are all teachers, so I should know.

Also, teachers have no business treating children with ADD or with learning disabilities, LIKE ME, shitty either. To this very day, those awful teachers still make me upset. So, yeah, their behavior will affect those people growing up and needs to be taken seriously.

 

[run]

OP, I've had some great teachers and some horrible ones who treated me like shit. I believe that they were disrespectful to me and unfeeling. Almost like a sociopath would. If teachers cannot treat others like a decent human being, they need to find another job.

Teachers are not there to be disciplinarians, that is what the principle, vice principle and counselors are there for. Children with bad behaviors aren't going to listen or care, so its really not the teachers problem. I have two aunts, my uncle and grandmother, are all teachers, so I should know.

Also, teachers have no business treating children with ADD or with learning disabilities, LIKE ME, shitty either. To this very day, those awful teachers still make me upset. So, yeah, their behavior will affect those people growing up and needs to be taken seriously.

to send them to the counselor would be to give up on the student.

 

[ilovetrannies]

Tough. Fuck the student. I don't care. They have work to do, which means spending more time teaching and not discipline.

 

[simulatedworld]

As usual, I'm a fan of the C way. IMO and IME different kids respond to different approaches. Some kids are approval-seekers and being punative with them can cause them to shut down or hate you and decide you're not worth respecting. Others are line-pushers and need a firmer approach. And there are many shades in between.

This.

 

[Oaky]

I tend to think a student's character and personality is moldable. The teachers are supposed to help mold them into a beautiful thing. The essence of what molds them is there knack to say 'why' which adults have long forgotten. They will not ask 'why' if you don't adhere to what makes them happy. Also give the right answer to that 'why' and you have just changed a part of them to the better.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

a teacher spends more time during a day with a child than his own parent does. if i were a teacher in a school, i would strive to help each student learn as much as possible in an environment of congenial stimulation. to achieve this environment, i would understand that some children have a greater need for attention (exhibited by excessive acting-out), some a need for more physical activity (have a harder time sitting still), and some to need step-by-step help with math.

i was a kid in the first category and i still remember a teacher of mine in or around intermediate school taking me outside her classroom and having a 5-10minute respectful discussion with me about the inappropriateness of my behavior (i had had many minor behavior probs in the past). i distinctly remember obtaining consciousness about my bad behavior and i walked back into that classroom a new person, essentially, and never acted out in her class (nor any other) again. she simply paid attention to me in that moment, and that was all i evidently needed.

teachers have time to focus on kids if they want to. i think as behavior probs get worse in our society, and as the family continues to not provide children with all that they need to thrive, teachers need to wear many hats. and we need to have lesser students per teacher, so teachers can really be effective.

 

[Snow Turtle]

to send them to the counselor would be to give up on the student.

To send them to the counselor is to acknowledge that a single person isn't always capable of handling everything. It's not giving up on a student if the teacher truly wants to help them out. So if the resource is there, you might as well use it.

The issue of pride can slip in here. "I can handle it" which is dangerous (well not really) in teaching.