Lets discuss and develop ideas.
I'd love to be a Major or Colonel in an active and superior army.
This used to be my goal in life, something I planned for and dreamed about.
I'd dare to say that a unit like the U.S. Army 10th Mountain Division would be ideal.
I could do General, but smaller scale strategy with big elements of human relations and lots of tactics and quick thinking suits me best.
I love handling disputes, boosting morale, doing everyday shit, planning specific assaults, maybe even grabbing a rifle myself and join in sometimes.
I would hate sitting around in some tent sending tens of thousands into terrain I have never seen with equipment I have barely touched for ten or twenty years.
What keeps me from this? I was on the fast-track to becoming an officer in the Swedish army(I was selected for platoon NCO training, and if one just does stuff well and wants to stick around, you get commissioned officer training and can advance however far one has the potential and energy for), but I injured my knee in a fluke accident at the obstacle course one day. To this day, my knee hurts badly after running just a few hundred yards. If I continue to strain it, bad gets worse.
What is my current dream?
I don't really know. I lost my goal three years ago.
For a while I thought I wanted to become a teacher...
I think it would be pretty much OK to be a barkeeper or such...
But i'm having second thoughts about that, too.
I'm not suited for civilian life, it's just the way it is.
Am I romanticizing war? Not really. I have seen violent deaths first-hand,
I know the horror of seeing starving children and crippled people.
I am disturbed by it, but I believe that someone has got to do the fighting,
and I just think that those who fit for it without being evil should do it.
I know I do fit. The only thing that disagrees is my left knee and to some degree the right.
Don't get me wrong. I can still march for miles and i'm strong as one and a half or two ordinary guys my age... But I just can't do the running.
<continues whine>
What I need to do is to move on. But I don't know what to do.
Martial things are what I do best.
Maybe I would be content as a gunsmith or weapon tester, but it'd get boring after a while.
I have some ambition of becoming an entrepreneur. That'd be fun...
But I really MISS the esprit de corps of the army.
I like having professionals beside me, fulfilling a real and vital function of a team, I love all things military... Maybe with the exception of face paint, mosquitoes, abrasions and the Swedish arctic weather conditions during winter.
In fact... Being a soldier is not some ideological or patriot thing for me.
I could fight for any decent country as long as I get to do what I am good at.
Often thought about applying for a green card to the U.S. and join the Marines or U.S. Army... Or even the French Foreign Legion... But my knees would be just as big an issue there.
Either I need to get some kind of future super-surgery and replace my knees with something better or settle into some other line of work.
Damn, I hate talking about this, why am I rambling on?
Anyway... I thought about other things for a while.
Military intelligence, or other agencies?
I have no idea how to get there, though.
And I guess agents have to do some running, too, sometimes.
I'd probably make an OK analyst, but i'm more of a field operative.
I'm very good at manipulating people when I need to, thinking several steps ahead, take in vast amounts of information and get the gist of it, i'm talented with most handheld weapons except maybe swords(...).
Besides that, I know some things about how most things work, I see patterns and I am effective.
Again, I can't.
Police? Same story.
Private contractor? Same story... And it's kind of beneath me, somehow.
I would have serious problems with working for Blackwater Worldwide or the like.
Terrorist? Hell no. I love western culture, and I want to protect civilians and do good, if anything.
Gunrunner? Well, same as above.
Professional criminal? I believe in law and order.
As you can see, my focus is kind of narrow right now, and I know it's a problem.
I just don't know what to do about it, and it's something that is very foreign to me.
I'm usually the guy with visions and practical solutions to all life's problems.
