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  1. #1
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Default Can't make up my mind, need help.

    I have a dilemma that has been bothering me for a good few months now and I still can't make up my mind one way or another which option I should go for.

    Should I give up my belated dream to finally improve my education or should I give up the dream and get a job to improve my impoverished situation?

    I mean we are talking 4 maybe 5 years before I finally reach the end of the education I want to do, which is access, followed by a degree in English Literature and language, and maybe another (although it's a toss up between religion and history). That's another 4-5 years in which my financial state is going to remain as miserable as it is now. Infact it will get worse if I do this option because I will have to live on grants which I have heard through the grapevine, are pittance.

    I have 3 kids to support, no child maintance to cover those kids, so it's all on me to provide, and my situation is pretty frakken dire.

    But the end result would be an avenue into the career of my choice, and much higher salary, and satisfaction within myself and hopefully within my job.

    Or option 2 would be back to work now that my kids are all in full time education. I'm a fully qualified legal secretary and would only need a refresher course which would be funded in a much better way than the uni avenue.

    So 1 year, and I would be making money and might finally be able to afford to put a god damn carpet down, instead of walking around on a concrete floor and shabby rugs.

    No real job satisfaction, no personal satisfaction, but some financial satisfaction.

    So what would you do in this given situation, which option would you choose?
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  2. #2
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    I would be happiest getting a job, definitely (present financial gain vs present financial loss, 'waste' of time and uncertain gain), but that might not be the best choice for you. You sound like you'd be happier with more education - is it just your kids that are making you think twice?

    (edit) Is it an option to work while pursuing school part-time?
    -end of thread-

  3. #3
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    I would be happiest getting a job, definitely (present financial gain vs present financial loss, 'waste' of time and uncertain gain), but that might not be the best choice for you. You sound like you'd be happier with more education - is it just your kids that are making you think twice?
    Yes, I just feel like in my current financial situation, it's unfair and selfish of me to put them through this kind of poverty to follow a dream I should have followed years ago.

    I would definately be happier with the education pathway if it was just me to worry about.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  4. #4
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post

    Is it an option to work while pursuing school part-time?
    No, if I study in the day then I need to take care of the kids in the evening, if I worked in the day and considered night school, it would still be a question of the kids, and childcare costs are huge.

    The first year would be intensive anyway, everyday 9-3, maybe once I got to uni I wouldn't be studying everyday which would open up the choice of working some days.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  5. #5
    Summer laintpe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Is it an option to work while pursuing school part-time?
    I'm fairly indecisive, so some of each would probably be my temporary choice. Personally, I wouldn't want to choose work over school, but I don't have kids. I do know some people who have gone back to school after their kids have moved out, but I don't know if you want to wait that long.

  6. #6
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Yes, I just feel like in my current financial situation, it's unfair and selfish of me to put them through this kind of poverty to follow a dream I should have followed years ago.

    I would definately be happier with the education pathway if it was just me to worry about.
    Hmm, that's something I shouldn't really comment on then. It's a little too close to home and I'm closer to the child perspective than the parent one.

    You could talk to your kids and see what they think about it, if they aren't too young.
    -end of thread-

  7. #7
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laintpe View Post
    I'm fairly indecisive, so some of each would probably be my temporary choice. Personally, I wouldn't want to choose work over school, but I don't have kids. I do know some people who have gone back to school after their kids have moved out, but I don't know if you want to wait that long.
    I have thought about that, put off the study until a later date, improve my current situation now instead.

    It just makes me feel down because I'm not getting any younger, I have already put it off so many times, I worry it will be one of those unfinished, unrealised dreams that will be my epitaph.

    I guess it couldn't hurt to put it off a couple more years.

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Hmm, that's something I shouldn't really comment on then. It's a little too close to home and I'm closer to the child perspective than the parent one.

    You could talk to your kids and see what they think about it, if they aren't too young.
    10, 6 and 4. I would like to hear from your perspective though, as someone on the younger end of the scale. Would you have felt any resentment as a teenager if your mum was poor because she chose her happiness over her responsibilites?
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  8. #8

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    That's a really difficult decision.
    You said that you'd only heard through the grapevine that the grants are a pittance. It might not be much but perhaps it would be easier to make a decision with more information?
    I'm married with two kids I feel the most important thing to my kids is that I spend time with them. Kids want things and you want to give them the best I understand that, perhaps going to school will teach them to persevere for what they want in their own future in that way you can see that you've given them something very valuable, you've given them an education too.
    It all depends on the grant. And what you can do with it.

    I understand how hard the decision would be and hope I didn't sound like I'm trying to push you in any direction.
    I hope this helps.

  9. #9
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    That's a really difficult decision.
    You said that you'd only heard through the grapevine that the grants are a pittance. It might not be much but perhaps it would be easier to make a decision with more information?
    I heard that it was 3000 for the term, of which half would cover my rent per term, but you are right, I should check for the information first and decide from there.

    I'm married with two kids I feel the most important thing to my kids is that I spend time with them. Kids want things and you want to give them the best I understand that, perhaps going to school will teach them to persevere for what they want in their own future in that way you can see that you've given them something very valuable, you've given them an education too.
    It all depends on the grant. And what you can do with it.

    I understand how hard the decision would be and hope I didn't sound like I'm trying to push you in any direction.
    I hope this helps.
    I have thought of it like that before, that at least they would have something better to look up to. And maybe my being happy with my choice would translate to a happier mum, which they always say they want lol.

    Don't worry, it didn't sound like you were trying to push me either way.

    I'm still feeling like this about it though >>>

    Why am I so flippin indecisive. :steam:
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  10. #10
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    10, 6 and 4. I would like to hear from your perspective though, as someone on the younger end of the scale. Would you have felt any resentment as a teenager if your mum was poor because she chose her happiness over her responsibilites?
    I wrote a PM but you don't take them? Ok, an edited version:

    Whether they will resent it...maybe. Depends on the kids, depends how extreme the financial need is, how long it lasts for, and how you all cope with it. A lot of people I know resent their families for making poor financial decisions during their childhood. I imagine they'd be more likely to resent it if it were a drop in standard of living rather than a constant, though. Them resenting it and it being the best choice aren't necessarily mutually exclusive though. People do like to complain.

    At the same time, if you're miserable, your kids aren't going to be happy either. So as you know, it isn't an easy question.

    Have you talked to real-life friends about it? They'd have a better idea of your situation and what your options are...not to mention it's probably a lot different going to school wherever you are, canada has kinda weird school systems.
    -end of thread-

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