Can't make up my mind, need help.

[BerberElla]

I agree that we don't know the "dire" of your situation.

My husband and I do trade offs, I've had people tell me that I need a bigger house. Well... ok.. then you buy it for me. My kids are always fed and have all the clothes and things they need. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up into what we are "supposed" to have vs. what humans actually need.

What would you want your children to do in your situation? You train them every day. You could look at it two ways, really. If you go to work you are showing them that current problems are more pressing than holding off for a possibly better future. (some could call it holding off for a desire) If you go to school you could look at it as teaching them that good things are worth waiting for and working hard for and to follow their dreams.

I would be careful with the "son says" thing. That can just be him trying to please you. They would probably follow you off a cliff if you said you wanted to do that.

Just remember, if not now, when?

Good points elaur.

It's true, I would advise my kids to study first, and I really believe seeing their mum do this would be good for them, a good role model.

It's true, it's people like the people who tell you you need a bigger house that have made me feel inadequate over my situation of late. But I guess hanging out with an ESFJ would do that to ya.

I was all set on the study plan until she starting giving me pointers as to where I was going wrong in my life.

Anyway, I am sticking to the study plans, I can manage, just can't keep up with the friends who have everything, and it's best they realise that and ditch my friendship or accept my limitations for now.

 

[Darjur]

What child-care?
You said your older son is 10. He can help take care of the younger siblings.


My mother is a professor at a university and my father was businessman. Needless to say, neither of them had the time to be with me 24/7. My suggestion would be to enroll all of them into an activity that would take their time, get a part-time job and go to school.

 

[BerberElla]

What child-care?

You said your older son is 10. He can help take care of the younger siblings.

No, he has a behavioural disorder, and 10 is too young anyway.

 

[Darjur]

No, he has a behavioural disorder, and 10 is too young anyway.

meh, it's probably a culture thing then I guess, we expect kids to have the ability of taking care of themselves since the age of 5.

 

[BerberElla]

meh, it's probably a culture thing then I guess, we expect kids to have the ability of taking care of themselves since the age of 5.

Yeah, when I was kid my parents were off doing their thing too, we took care of ourselves from young aswell, these days it's frowned upon.

 

[Darjur]

Yeah, when I was kid my parents were off doing their thing too, we took care of ourselves from young aswell, these days it's frowned upon.

And why is that? To me it looks like a perfect solution for you.

 

[BerberElla]

And why is that? To me it looks like a perfect solution for you.

I'm not even sure if it's illegal, but I asked advice once if I could pop to the shop quickly to buy medicine leaving them here, since they were all ill and I needed medicine, the shop being about 5 minutes away, and I was told that it was illegal.


Google search just says there is no age limit, but they recommend 16, whereas the majority of parents think 12-13 is acceptable.

Anyway it's a moot point lol I should have mentioned (just realised I didn;t) that my eldest boy is in boarding school during the week because his behaviour disorder is quite extreme.

 

[Darjur]

I'm not even sure if it's illegal, but I asked advice once if I could pop to the shop quickly to buy medicine leaving them here, since they were all ill and I needed medicine, the shop being about 5 minutes away, and I was told that it was illegal.


Google search just says there is no age limit, but they recommend 16, whereas the majority of parents think 12-13 is acceptable.

Anyway it's a moot point lol I should have mentioned (just realised I didn;t) that my eldest boy is in boarding school during the week because his behaviour disorder is quite extreme.

How old are your other children? If your eldest son is in a boarding school, he should be of no concern to you during the weekdays.

Imo, if one has to choose from two choices that are both bad, he should always look for a third option. Can't you ask for the help of their grandparents? or something.

To me it looks like you want to study, but you can't because of the kids, the only viable option at the moment would be to look at more options.

 

[BerberElla]

How old are your other children? If your eldest son is in a boarding school, he should be of no concern to you during the weekdays.

Oh he's not, infact having him there is why I am finally in a position of choice.

Imo, if one has to choose from two choices that are both bad, he should always look for a third option. Can't you ask for the help of their grandparents? or something.

No, for 1 - I live far away from them, 2 - they are very violent people, 3 - I;m the black sheep of the family, 4 - they would instill religious beliefs that I disapprove of.

To me it looks like you want to study, but you can't because of the kids, the only viable option at the moment would be to look at more options.

Oh I can study, or I can work, the question was just which one should I do, which one should be the most important. Childcare only becomes a question if I attempt to do both, which I can't.

Plan:

1 year access full day, 5 days a week

followed hopefully by 3 years in uni, my working aswell will be totally dependent on how many days I will be expected to attend uni.

But it sounds more workable now in my head than it did when i first started this thread.

 

[scattershot]

Have you looked into any of those online colleges? I know some of them are crap, but it seems like a lot of people are at least getting their associates degrees online these days. That might be a way to get some classes done on the side while you wait for the kids to be old enough.

 

[Laurie]

I actually called the police here to ask a few months back. They said there is no legal age but they suggest 12.

 

[Uytuun]

Work really hard for a couple more years so you have a lot of money in the bank and then do the education thing? Your kids will be older too.

It's a J plan, though and I don't know how much satisfaction you can get from working towards a goal.

Perhaps you can even get a job at a uni for now? Set aside a couple of hours/week to devote to literature, read some books, join a book club to make it easier? Talk to professors, mothers that study and the finance department of unis. You want to get as much information as you can get. There are dozens of obscure benefit programmes/grants that fail to be taken advantage of simply because no one knows about them/wants to make the effort to go hunt after them (bureaucracy).

English lit also won't make you rich when you leave school, which means you might keep struggling for a while. If it were me, I'd only take on that adventure with a certain financial reserve. The poverty might also take a heavy toll on your school experience.

Good luck with the decision.