Quote:
Originally Posted by mysavior
"...is to just go along with what her plans are"
This is usually the source of significant contention between myself and those I believe to be ISFJs: we have different plans, and mine seems clear cut and solid, so I have no intention of doing anything other than what I had in mind. When I'm in a relationship its tough to be stubborn, or do a 180 and become the little lap dog, but when I'm talking to a stranger who is getting on with the bullshit, I just can't stand it. What I'm saying is that, alot of ISFJ's make plan and just expect me to go along with it, "just because." I usually do my own thing, and as I said, the shit begins.
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Have you ever gotten angry at them? Seems like most ISFJs - read, most of my girlfriends - need to know where the limit for what they can do is. So, they need to know what they can do that "doesn't make you angry". Something an ISFJ does make you angry? Get angry and tell them to never do that in your presence and to you, in a firm tone. Of course you can't do this for small, stupid things.
I'll give you an example of what I mean. I was on the train with my girlfriend, sitting in a slack position. In a bitchy tone - so, not jokingly - she told me "You always sit slack you'll look like an homeless person!". I told her "If you think this, get away from this seat, now, and leave this homeless person fucking alone and get yourself somebody else, and let me do whatever I want to do, okay?".
As far as plans go: I don't understand your problem. They are trying to incorporate you in their plans and want you to do things with them? That would sound nice to me. Are they trying to divert yours? Again, that would kind of sound nice provided that they are trying to incorporate me into the plan. Do they agree to a plan and then change their minds? This of course requires intervention, in the form of clearly stating that is not good (at first), if they do it twice, just get very angry, if they do it a third time, break up. Do you have your plans and want them to go along with it? Just be more stubborn than them and insist until they say yes. Over time, they'll learn that your plans are good, so they won't oppose to them anymore. "Working around it" and "adapting" doesn't work: they'll just tend to become bossier. Notice though, that I have seen some INTP-ISFJ couples working in a different way; INTPs seem to care less than ENTJs about this stuff and let the ISFJ get their way in most things.
As far as abilities go: there are different versions of ISFJs. The most shallow ones won't believe you have any abilities if you don't have a good outward appearance. The best ones won't really notice this. So I think it's truly just a matter of finding the right ones. If they're insecure, they will show off. If they are psychologically healthy, they won't feel the need to do so.
Notice though, that the two points I outlined above apply to the healthy ones too. I don't find them to be big defects in their overall personality, but when they appear the worst thing you can do is bottling up your feelings: they won't notice you're doing. I used to have this bad tendency to mask everything with a smile until I exploded, thinking that a person should understand by hirself when he/she was crossing the line of decency (read: calling me an "homeless person"), but it wasn't an effective strategy.