[Santtu]

Backgound
1. What is your personality type?
ENTP, but I can get into many other worlds.
2. Are you male or female?
Male.
3. What country do you live in now? What country are you born in?
Finland, Finland.
4. What cultural background are you?
Born Finnish, Urban, educated, rather well-earning family.
5. What religion are you? What religion is your family?
Jehovah's Witness, Jehovah's witness parents, non-religious brothers. I personally emphasize the moderate/intellectual/humanist/pragmatic views of our faith, often seeing the issues from the viewpoint of an agnostic.

Questions
6. What career are you in or looking to be in? What are you doing right now to help you achieve this career goal?
I'm looking forward to be a project manager or the head of HR in an IT sector company. I am taking jobs where I can build on my expertise on computer systems and to eventually supervise the work of others, and to continue from there. This is while I finish my studies to become a Master of Science.
7. What is your friendships like with both genders? How many good friends do you have and why are you friends with these people?
1 female, 3-5 male. I've been cool with female friends, altho in half of them, either one of us wanted it to be a romantic relationship, usually spoiling the friendship because of conflicting emotions. Some of the relations stayed as friendships also after the romantic feelings were discussed.
I now have a female friend whom I like because she is mature and considerate in her emotions, and likes to discuss things deeply. She cares for the people near her, and she's often joyful because of the little things in life, even tho she has some quite difficult things going on with her.
Then a psychologist, a male. He is the one who convinced me that the things in our faith might make sense; the only intellectual, moderate JW I had met in early 1990's. Since then I've found more. He is very well composed, calm, intelligent, responsible, really a profound thinker and considerate, a planner.. with great work ethics, one of the most balanced human beings around. We have enjoyed talking the most difficult issues together, in our faith and in our studies, psychology and computer science - and others, because we both know a great deal in wide variety of topic areas.
Those are the two I have most to say about, but others who've been, I've mostly appreciated girlfriends by the spontaneous, responsible and attractive lifestyle and the view of life they've enjoyed with me, with something that we can both connect to, with somewhat different views. The guys I've had as friends and that I do now, I'm mostly thinking them as friends on the basis how they view life, their place in it, and their interest in figuring out the things that matter. They are on the same kind of philosophical quest to uncover the meaning of life, either for themselves or for the bigger part. To uncover it, it must be discovered, thought of, expressed, discussed and experienced. Yep it's definetly the more philosophical types, or anyone who has a more developed view in life in some aspect we mutually appreciate.

8. What paranoias do you have?
That if I let myself to love, I will be taken advantage of.
9. What are your vices?
Procrastination, negativity.
10. What are your fears?
That I will not be able to recover from my burnout well enough to participate in the life fully. I also fear that my focus on survival and professional goals and my non-belief on love will leave my heart so void that I will be a cranky old loveless man.
11. What is your relationship like with your parents? siblings (if you had any)?
Parents, they're ok, I guess they love me. We can talk, I appreciate them somewhat, and I'm most happy they provided me with opportunities for growth, and that I was able to be very independent of them, sometimes to their sadness. I like them, but I'm troubled that they invested in the business I had that didn't work out, and I'm feeling guilt because it.

My older brothers never wanted me in the house and were almost always openly annoyed by having me around, giving the least mental support and the weakest support for good family atmosphere that could have been expected, or sometimes less. I haven't met them in about 8-9 years. They openly hated people and enjoyed about their problems, manipulated, held double standards, were possessive of what they had, abused verbally, etc etc etc. I grew up closer with the neighbour's kids than with my brothers.
12. How are you with expressing emotion in public?
I use a lot of tactical eye to judge what display is most effective, usually being inclined to the less emotional side. So then it's strictly business.

When my feelings are involved more than on the surface, I try to judge the situation. If I feel that the persons involved have a developed internal world and healthy level of feelings, I often talk about the feelings with the person, in depth. I still rarely get very emotional myself, even tho I do experience feelings and feel them in others and myself.

From my burnout-times and depression I learned that it isn't conductive to my social wellbeing to express unhealthy bad feelings openly. So I don't go into public to display my worst feelings; I instead handle them myself in a constructive way (or attempt to) or discuss them with few people.

I am not cool with displaying affection to any people in public. Yet I express positive feelings quite easily, not related to any one person so strongly.

I express sorrow and disappointment if I think it leads to good conclusion; if I think I would be ridiculed by show of weakness, I fake it not to care and distance myself from the people.
13. How do you think people saw you in high school? How do you think people see you now?
Somewhat nerdish, still fun, eager for adventure and crazy things, sometimes akward. Girls thought of me as something of a gentleman, reserved with them, but courteous. I think I placed partially in both the serious business-orientated gangs and the jokesters. Large part of how people thought of me was based on my talents with computer and math, in a positive way.

Some people see me as a force, and abusive or controlling people see me as unmovable. Manipulative or deceptive people find me as capable and revengeful. Some people find me intimidating. Happy people see me as somewhat of a loner, deep people find me deep, lonely people find me as a companion. Popular people see me as something to be ignored for the most part. Those trying to maintain surface conformity find me a rule-breaker and a provokateur. Introverted people with hearts in place find me approachable and personable.

14. What do you see as the point to your life and life in general?
It is to combine together the multiple threads, the multiple reasons for "meaning of life" that exist, in the best way. These reasons are:
-psychology of pleasurable emotions
-the fact that we live and we can do something with it
-truth, understanding and the appreciation of it
-to find out whether something is required of us, what is our moral or practical highest obligation to anything. Given a higher power, and seeing that it's/his/her higher power is morally and practically justified, we should review the terms and conditions of submitting to such power, as to decide whether to accept them, deny, or to ask more.
It's like saying to life, "hey, I'm Dave, take me to the top executive of the universe." In theory, perhaps the top executive could be god (what god?), evolution, ourselves, democracy, the city council of espoo, or the system could be like a distributed computing network without a central governance.
I'd place my bet on the god hypothesis, with my research going on as to how his governance is justified and how can his existence be inferred to, and whether the weight of evidence compels to believe this or that way, or whether it can be rightfully viewed as nonconclusive. Any way, I try to do the most responsible things. This I certainly consider an important thing in the life. Meanwhile, I try to invite other people to review the same evidence that I study.
-if there is no god, it's still useful for people to live. We experience pleasurable emotions and we find things interesting, we even like hatred sometimes. We find more complex societies intriquing, so we should fullfill such needs. Apparently we can combine many wants and desires of many people at the same time, but not others. Some processes show better chance in being the best in certain situations. In my opinion, I should therefore become an expert in life and to find out how it works, to support the pleasurable emotions and to minimize the negative. This must be done in accordance with moral standards, which have themselves been shown to be practically valid. When practical and/or moral reasons do not compel me to choose one thing, but they give several (perhaps uncountable) possibilities, I should choose among the best options according to my personal wishes and what I consider my free will.
-This process involves unlimited and infinite amount of actions and thoughts, making the base for an unlimited world view. It does not mean that all actions are on the same level; it rather means, that given practical restrictions to the life, we are still left with an infinetly expressible world and possibilities, altho we can point out some possibilities that may not be realized.