I was raised in a very pervasive conservative Christian subculture, so in essence I accepted what I was being told as true. While I had doubts about some of the specific interpretations and doctrines, I was still able to see potential patterns in nature. Conservative Christianity seems possible, perhaps even plausible.
As I got older and looked at things from other points of view -- even starting from scratch -- I saw that things were not nearly as clear-cut as I had hoped, and "hard evidence" was not nearly as pervasive. But much of my worldview was still based on Christian thought, and I had grown to value aspects of the Christian faith.
At the moment, I am not sure who or what God is. I know who I would like him to be. I just am not in a position where I ever want to be proselytizing or evangelizing or telling people what they are supposed to believe, ever again. I want to help them think through things for themselves and draw their own conclusions. I am an explorer, not a police officer.
Trying to do more than that is what had left me agonizing for years -- feeling like I had very much lost my intellectual integrity. I realized that, for me, I had to leave many things more ambiguous and open-ended to feel that I was being honest.
I would not be surprised if NTs struggled in general with this. What I have seen are three groups: Those who are brought up in the faith and see fine with the level of "proof" they have and rely on patterns to support their faith; those who are neutral and see positives/negatives but remain mostly agnostic; and those who are hardcore in the other direction and seemingly angry at religion or think of it very negatively because it offends their intellectual sensibilities. (perhaps there are other stances, but I know I have seen those in play.)
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