[soleil]

You are right on about that. She is self-centered and often doesn't realize how she can make someone else feel. For a year I didn't speak to her because of how she was, but she contacted me and we started hanging out again. She tells me all the time how grateful she is that we are friends. I am her only friend. One thing I noticed about her is she NEEDS a man all the time. She can't be alone, and looks for anyone to be her boyfriend. So, when one comes her way, she doesn't know how to act. Oh, well...if she wants to talk to me she'll have to contact me. I can be so forgiving, and it sucks for me. Thanks for the advice.

Originally Posted by sarah

Yeah, I don't know that it helps to pin traits like inconsiderateness on any one type. It sounds to me like your friend is self-centered and maybe doesn't realize it. Could you simply tell her in a kind way how her actions make you feel? I admit I can be pretty self-centered too. Although I recognize that in myself, I still sometimes forget about others' needs and just consider my own. When others tell me how my actions affect them, though, that changes my behavior. I really don't want to have a negative impact on others.

By the way, I have a very close friend who's an INFP who has no clue as to how inconsiderate she can be at times. We'll invite her over for dinner and she'll call a long while after she was expected to show up to say that she was feeling too stressed out by her job and wanted to stay home. So we've gone to all the trouble to make this great dinner for someone who not only doesn't feel "up to" showing up but who couldn't be bothered to call earlier to cancel. She has done this repeatedly, so that whenever we decide have her over, we usually invite other people so that if she doesn't show up, we can divide the leftover food between us all. Sometimes she calls late to cancel and other times she doesn't even bother calling, or she'll call the next day when we're at work and leave a note on our answering machine. We love this woman, and consider that this is just something we have to put up with because she's our friend. If we got mad at her for it, she'd only beat herself up for it, and she's already going to therapy for lots of other issues -- so we choose not to make it an issue.

As for SP-NF friendships, it's not only possible, it can be delightful. My best friend is my ENFJ husband.

Sarah
ISFP