Quote:
Originally Posted by Twixt
I
I don't like him romantically, and can never picture us together. I want long-term commitment and stability and those are just not ESFP things. As an ENFP i am terribly embarrassed to say, in my younger days, that his attention secretly thrilled me. Now its just annoying, and suffocating (I get "please don't ignore me  " text messages more times than I can count)
The topic of us being a couple has come up many times (he always brings it up every couple of months) and I always decline. Recently, I explained my rationale for turning him down (ie. my need for stability and security in a loving relationship doesn't mesh with his commitment issues). However, he said straight away that he'd "change" for me, he'd do "anything" for me.
I am 99% sure I don't believe him, but the part of me that's attuned to 'What Could Be' is holding me back from totally disregarding that statement.
Either way, I do not want to go into a relationship with him. Not now, at least.
So my question is, HOW DO I GET HIM TO STOP LIKING ME??? How can i get him off me? Without being too mean that things would be awkward between us?
Any input will be greatly appreciated!  |
In my experience, ENFPs can be infuriatingly disingenuous in these matters. Also, they frequently ask for but rarely listen to advice.
However, FWIW:
You need to get your head sorted out about how you feel.
"I don't like him romantically, and can never picture us together." You find him "suffocating/annoying".
And yet, when explaining your reticence to him:
"Recently, I explained my rationale for turning him down (ie. my need for stability and security in a loving relationship doesn't mesh with his commitment issues)."
This is not a rejection - it's offering him hope that if he can get his commitment issues sorted out, you'd consider him. You should have told him that you aren't attracted to him, and don't believe you ever could be - if that is in fact the truth. That's not mean, it's honest and therefore respectful.
Why are you interested in "what could be", if you aren't attracted to him?
Don't send mixed messages. Do you like him romantically, but want him to change? If so, give it up, you can't change people, even if they change themselves under the influence of infatuation, they soon change back. Look for someone who shares your values.
Also, you should think of him instead of worrying about burning your bridges. He needs to build bridges elsewhere, rather than be left in purgatory.
Hope this doesn't seem too harsh - I have considerable experience in this area.