well i had the amazing experience of deleting my 3000 emails yesterday... the school had put a stop on my account due to memory. hahaha
I. anyways, in the process of deleting emails. the fastest i could get the process was a 100 at a time and so i would every now n then glance at the subject lines and then stumble upon some old email from a few years ago...right around the time i left for school:
It was a creepy window into the past to see what I wrote years before I had any idea about MBTI or was even in my current science heavy major.
II. A couple of things stuck out to me:
1. I mentioned to my dad talking about majors, careers etc, how i wanted a job that was basically, well ill paraphrase, "I want to be brought problems and then find the best solutions." naive i know, just about every job has problems that need to be solved. But i guess it speaks to effect that I didnt say, "I want to do research/investments/helppeople/etc...And then I went on to list why i wasn't sure about my business, econ or even the science major i eventually did/am doing.
-Econ was boring to me, a lot of talking about why stuff goes wrong, but never actually about economists fixing anything. The economists would simply describe how it got fixed. Sometimes we'd discuss awesome ideas that probably would work if implemented (a voucher system for everything from school to healthcare might allow a free market but keep the poor from losing essentials) but we always knew that none of them ever would be. It was a lot of talking and nothing ever being feasibile to implement. Also there were way too many assumptions for my liking.
-I hated my business classes because I felt like i was being turned into a cookie cutter little worker. I looked around the classroom at the other frat boy idiots and thought "im so much better than this, i can achieve so much more than this!". It was so unstimulating and we never really did anything! we would spend weeks on bullshit that your employer would have to train you to do anyways or just wasnt important.
-at the the time of the emails I also mentioned concern about the science because it would basically lock me into a path of being a doctor. I expressed concern over the idea i had at the time about "what if i get bored? where is there room to expand whatever you're doing in a strategic and analytical way?"
2. I also, had a few emails in there that seemed a bit more Fi...Im not sure if this is just a characteristic of Fi, but I noticed that the emails about school and such (described above ^) would take place over several emails year round, while the Fi emails, would be like 8 paragraphs long and would seem to just come from no where. From my perspective of today, which cant really remember how much those thoughts perused my mind at all hours, it appears like it would be stored up, then released like a damn being broken.
I really wish i could post some of the thoughts from the Fi emails, but they seem too personal.
3. I also realized that the time I discovered MBTI, was during a year long delusion of religion, which I am now thankfully out of. The email reading was an odd way of reacclimating myself with who i was before I became deluded. I wonder if the religion stuff affected how i originally typed myself?
4. My parents are ISTP and ESFJ. I have always clashed with my mom's Fe. Although im not sure if its possible to conclude that as a result of Fi or of Te...or even just being a kid...although i somehwhat think its not entirely just being a kid. I did know guys who were ESFJ, ISFJ etc who were very "get with societal program" despite "being a kid".
5. I'm still not entirely sure, but i will be test driving the ENTJ label...
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