I recently got married, and no, my personality was not very... helpful... in getting me there.
I've done a lot of things, but that was probably one of the hardest for me to do. Even now I have doubts - not with who I am with, but this feeling of being trapped in something. I was happier when we were just dating, in some ways, even though (literally) nothing has changed. If anything, objectively, things have gotten better all around.
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Just wanted to ask a question to any ISTPs who are married or contemplating marriage. Do you really look on it forever? Are you able to plan ahead and commit completely like that?
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I'm a hardcore planner, but commitment to my plans? That's a whole other issue. I do look at it as forever, or better put, so long as we continue to work well together (yes, that's kind of what I said o_O).
I feel much the same way as you do, however. It still feels like a "for now" kind of event. I can't say I have resigned myself to my fate. Feeling like this is ridiculous - I know I'm not going to walk away, I know I'm going to spend (probably
) forever with her... but my nature still exerts itself.
There is a strange duality to it. On one hand, I don't make any commitments because I feel very held by them. Better put, I feel that each commitment I makes limits me as a person, and so I make as few as possible. On the other hand, I really want to find the right person, to spend my life with them... I want the support, the certainty and everything else.
And then you have the more 'male side' reactions. The realisation that I can't date anyone else, even though I had no interest in dating for the better part of the decade (half spent with my wife), actually comes to mind. And the responsibility part too... putting us first. Then the tug of war - I realise she gives me tons of freedom, supports me to do anything, even pushes me to do more than I would on my own. I have more limits, sure, but she removes a lot as well. But the sense of responsibility never goes away, and responsibility bothers me. Having people depend on me bothers me.
So... I can do it, I am doing it, but it doesn't come naturally. In this case, I view it as a negative side to the personality. It prevents the bonding that I do want (notably when I don't have it!) and puts a strain on myself and my partner.
It can really be summed up when my wife asks me if I'm happy with her. When I really have to answer it, the answer is a resounding yes, but most of the time I don't really have to answer it, or think about it, I just do. In those times, having to take her into account is draining. It's ridiculous there too, because I was doing this when we were dating and living together - for 5 years - and yet, it feels different just because I had to vocalize 'forever'.