Quote:
Originally Posted by substitute
I do though, really... cos all said and done it's my little baby that's getting bullied so any info that can give me insight into the best way of helping/supporting is not gonna be met with indifference...
|
The big statistics won't really help you anyway.
I can offer the normal advice.
1) Make sure to offer comfort and support. Do
not get angry at the situation. Remember that the child is suffering from a lack of power and will tend to feel helpless. You must offer support to help reduce that. Plus, then you can keep track and build them up, rather than isolate them.
2) There is a really bad cycle, most notable in introverts, about keeping emotions bottled up. This can come out in very strange behavior. Keep a careful watch for this - mood swings, violence, outbursts... Not always easy to see in children, but... do watch for it. If that is the case, it is time to sit them down and ask them to tell you what is happening. And more to the point, follow #1 very well, but make sure you get details.
3) The three major points to consider.
i) Don't make them feel different - that is, tell them lots of people get bullied, etc
ii) Don't give a reason why they are being targeted. Or that anything else is wrong with them, or that they invited it. In any way.
iii) Be careful with the advice you give a kid - think what about what you are saying literally, because they will act without understanding the big picture. This is where it is not advised to tell a kid to be violent, or to fight. It works, but only in the right context - and the wrong context can put your child in danger.
That last one is the tricky one. Yes, it is true that standing up to a bully can end it, and frequently does. But at the same time, the child doesn't understand limits, and if they aren't standing up for themselves and just attack someone, it can escalate.
One method that may work (I don't know your daughter/relationship with her/etc) is to ask her to tell you what they did today. Share your own experiences, validate her, then tell her you are proud of how she handled it.
Assuming the bullying isn't too bad, this might be enough to break the routine. And don't explain why this will break the routine, either. Just go through the motions, build her up and remove any trace of guilt/personal blame that she puts on herself. Build her up.